My twins are/were bears.
My son has always been great.
The only thing is that both of them almost died when they were little. They both had speech problems. One started talking at 3 and the other is still not talking well at almost 8. The one has severe speech problems because of brain damage.
There were many stores that I walked out of because of a screaming child. The one with severe speech problems didn't talk (except for a few words) until she was 4 1/2. At 4 1/2 she finally learned how to say "I want....". At first, I gave in everytime. She'd say "I want a cookie." I would be so excited that she talked that I gave her a cookie. Well, after a few months of this, I realized I was creating a monster, and I started saying no.
One day we were at a restaurant and she wanted a soda. I didn't want her having one, and I said no. She totally lost it. She's was a big girl, and I couldn't just scoop her up and carry her like you do with a 2 year old having a tantrum. I dragged her out of the restaurant. I had to restrain her by straddling her because she was running into the parking lot. I think she screamed for 20 minutes there. I finally got her to our car, and she screamed for another 30 minutes. She wouldn't stay buckled in her booster seat. I had people calling her a brat. It was loads of fun.
That was the worst tantrum. We are definely past that stage.
We went to one psychologist who started mentioning medication right away. She also recommended this book "The Explosive Child". The book talked about getting children to communicate to keep them from tantruming. I would have (and still would) love to have my daughter be able to communicate fully with me.
My best advice to a parent with a troubled kid is to find one behavior that is horrible and fix that. That's been how I handled my daughter. I didn't focus on little things like the fact that she didn't pick up her toys. I focused on big things like running into the middle of the street without looking. I also made "no" mean "no". We walked out of restaurants, movies, and parks because of bad behavior. I never wanted my kids misbehavior to affect other people.
We still have a long way to go, and I am absolutely dreading the teenage years. At least, my daughter should be able to talk better by then.
There were many stores that I walked out of because of a screaming child. The one with severe speech problems didn't talk (except for a few words) until she was 4 1/2. At 4 1/2 she finally learned how to say "I want....". At first, I gave in everytime. She'd say "I want a cookie." I would be so excited that she talked that I gave her a cookie. Well, after a few months of this, I realized I was creating a monster, and I started saying no.
One day we were at a restaurant and she wanted a soda. I didn't want her having one, and I said no. She totally lost it. She's was a big girl, and I couldn't just scoop her up and carry her like you do with a 2 year old having a tantrum. I dragged her out of the restaurant. I had to restrain her by straddling her because she was running into the parking lot. I think she screamed for 20 minutes there. I finally got her to our car, and she screamed for another 30 minutes. She wouldn't stay buckled in her booster seat. I had people calling her a brat. It was loads of fun.
_____
boy, can I relate to this. My son is autistic and coming up on 4 1/2 years. Like your daughter at that age, he has just started using language to get his needs met and it is easy to meet them, especially when you know there is a perception problem too and you begin to worry that they will think you don't understand them instead of you are not telling them no.
I knew I couldn't do it since Ryan's tantrums are famous! What I did was repeat what he wants so he knows I understood and tell him no. Most times he'll make a high pitched whining sound and get over it.
The problem with children like these is that the added stimulation of a restaurant, store, etc can send them over the edge to where their behavior is erratic and unpredictable ie not knowing how they will react to no, a child who usually will be at least acknowledging to passing cars will just start walking to the street with no second thought. It is overstimulation and those times it is helpful for us to pull him aside because oftentimes he needs to have down time from all the activity, but at this age, I can tell when he is just being a brat vs. when he is overstimulated.
I've had those moments too where the tantrums are ridiculous. I can remember one a few months back when I was still pregnant that I just pulled over to a store parking lot and plopped Ryan out into the lot. He was screaming something awful. I put him back in eventually and my daughter and I stepped out and proceeded to play while he screamed away. I know some here may think he was controlling us, but you just have to realize that with autistics discipline is often hit and miss. They just don't process and register things the same as normal kids. When Ryan gets this bad the best we can do is isolate him. Having said that though, we never keep him in a public situation if he is behaving this badly.I hear you on the not being able to remove him easily. A 4 1/2 yr old who is emotionally at a 2 yr old level is very stressful to deal with. My son is 45+ lbs. Very difficult to just pick up and deal with quickly.