They are NOT your children and outside your realm. That is, however, your husband and you need to read him the riot act. Most of all, quit buying junk feed for the deadbeats. You are enabling them. Make it hard on them and they will leave.
AppyPappy...
First off, I'm honored, I have been reading your posts many years and appreciate your response very much...
now.. for the excuses!!
The food situation is tough because my husband is responsible for shopping and paying for the food. It's one of the few bills he pays, (he works part time due to severe arthritis, severe).... He buys plenty of real food, just does not force this boy into trying any of it!
The dinner/food thing is only indicative of the other problems...
You are right they are not my biological children, but I have supported them for many years. I enable so much c-r-a-p, I am at my wits end... I realize this is ME, but without authority, my hands seem tied. I feel ostricized when I criticize... (a little rhyme)
Unfortunately, I would be the one leaving, since there is no tolerance for "bitching" or making life uncomfortable (your point exactly to make it hard for them, not me). And lately, I have considered this option... not divorce, just a little lesson in respect. The oldest has been given until month's end. We'll see.
The 14 yo is in for a rude awakening. He has always been a brat, and has been empowered by his father. I always told him that the real world would teach him the lessons he needs, but this is too far in the future to have any impact.
Believe me, when my husband is absent, I tell this child just what I think... and not so nicely sometimes.
Get good advice (yours)... make excuses, and keep on doing the same things... sounds like a recipe for brats that turn into arrogant adults that don't have to follow rules.
I am considering your advice and will continue to "disable" the overly enabled!!
Best to you and thanks again... ba7
ps... I know this is WAY TOO much information... just venting a little...