Posted on 08/02/2004 5:49:37 AM PDT by BluegrassScholar
Edited on 08/02/2004 10:43:46 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
I tend to agree with you. I know I try to moderate our plans around our son's abilities at this point. We try to go out to dinner earlier, for instance. We go to a local family restaurant where they know us well and are very kind to us. Another thing that really helps us is we telephone in our order (we eat there almost every Friday, so we know the menu well!). That eliminates the waiting time to get our order. We've found that we have a certain window of time (about an hour) before our son gets restless and the meal becomes a chore. I know some people will say that this kind of accomodation is "giving in" but I don't agree... our son is 21 months old. I think it is more a case of choosing your battles/hedging your bets. We don't hesitate to control him, including leaving the restaurant if need be, but I just prefer to taking precautions that lessen the need for such discipline.
The consistency is the key, I think. Many have pointed out that there are different approaches for each child. Not every five year old is ready to hear that she is sinning every time she is fresh to Mommy and Daddy! But, if you are consistent in your punishments, whatever they are, you will be a lot better off than if you are not, or if there are no punishments for bad behavior.
Also, starting early helps. If you wait until they are four to teach manners, you are starting too late. The sooner, the better. Then it's not a change in behavior for them, just something that has "always been."
True. I haven't gotten that far yet, so I'm colored by my own situation with two children under six. She probably will learn that lesson better. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
(nope...can't control them forever, can i?)
The hidden legacy of government theft by taxation, regulation, and inflation. The dad doing one job used to pay the bills.
Also culpable is the Marxixt-Feminist doctrine pervading the culture. Many of these mothers don't need to work that much to pay the bills. They do it for the promised self-fulfillment.
When I was a kid, we never went out to eat until we were much older.
About the only thing we had to do was go to Church, but they had a Sunday School and a nursery. I got a choice to either go to Sunday School or sit and be quiet at Church. I usually would choose going to Church. I would lay down in the pew and take a nap, or I would color. That was way back in the 60's.
This is more than just a casual observation. This IS the problem these days. This and the ingrown selfishness of most young parents, and everywhere around us homegrown monsters are being raised. This "friend" thing only comes back to haunt these parents. Kids WANT to be disciplined. Young parents indulge their children at their peril. The young ones only resent them for it.
"Are you going to behave?"
"Yes." they reply.
"Why?" I ask...
"Because we are representatives of Jesus Christ, homeschoolers and our family." they reply.
I frequently get comments from people about how well they behave. Whenever a stranger comments in a positive way, the jedis get hypothetical "Brownie Points" that they can cash if they get in some kind of minor trouble!
OOOOH!!!!! I Like that!! And...bttt for later reading.
There wasn't a thing I could do about what this kid said to me.......my daughter was already back out on the soccer field, and I had never seen this one before.
She threw a temper tantrum on me while trying to change her shirt and if I hadn't grabbed her arm she would have slammed her head into a tree. So I have no clue what his "rough" comment meant - my tone of voice or grabbing her arm.
At this point I had already extracted 2 kids who had gotten their foot stuck while climbing trees......and both wanted their mommies, who were no where to be found.
I'm sorry, but I've got a problem with someone who leaves a 5 or 6 yo on the first day of soccer camp (or anything else).
Correct. Got me a fifteen year old boy - young man, actually. I can see him fighting with himself sometimes, when I tell him what he needs to do.
He wins that battle - I have not had to punish him in years. Well, except when the hammer fell off his slacking on his self directed home school work.
We went medieval off that - total blackout of all electronics, no karate, no swimming, no allowance. He eventually earned each privilege back.
Uh, did I mention, he scored high 90's on the state mandated testing and is one hell of a nice kid?
You have a marriage problem, not a stepchild problem.
Push came to shove one day in June, 1999, when my daughter cursed me out and my son hit me. They were gone within hours, and haven't spoken to me since.
And I have tried, repeatedly, to make contact.
They'll come around ... particularly as they begin to experience some of the joys of marriage and parenthood personally.
I'll be praying for their enlightenment.
God Bless ...
Good for you!!! I hope Gramps was mightily humbled and learned a big lesson.
I *always* ask the produce clerk if I may try a grape. My daughter is 14 and if she's choosing the produce, she asks as well. The clerk always responds well to consideration. :o)
My brother beat me up all the time. But, he would raise cain on anyone who bullied me or teased me. He also turned out to be a God-fearing man of great character and morals. I think that's pretty much normal for older brothers with younger sisters. C'est la vie.
Parent's can't win. I'm a very strict mom in all respects. My ten year old and I were in Wal-mart the other day and I was looking at fabrics. My son had parked the cart near me and was standing patiently, waiting for me to make my pick. A couple walked up behind him in the narrow isle and glared at his back for a few seconds. As soon as I saw them I grabbed the basket and pulled it out of the way saying, "Let's move this so people can get through." My son looked back, surprised, then moved with the cart. The woman growls, "You should teach him some manners." Yeah, well, bite my butt, lady. Then my son felt like crap and I told him that it was crowded and people were grumpy. Heck, he was pulled over as far as he could go!
Another of the challenges of the day are people who seem to think that their thing is the only thing going on.
Unfortunately we cannot always shield our children from such as these.
Fortunately, you handled the situation in such a way that your son will be better able to handle the situation himself when the time comes.
Sounds like you are doing a great job.
Keep the faith!
It's not giving in --- it's just trying to do family things where everyone is happy --- what's the point in taking a kid to a restaurant or other place he isn't going to enjoy and then whacking him around? My feeling is that it's not important to force kids to go to places they don't enjoy --- if they want to go and can behave then I'm all for kids showing up anywhere.
Thank you so much for this story. I struggle to get my oldest to put her shoes where they belong. Well, I should say she's gotten better since she's decided to take ownership of them and keep them in her bedroom, but before it was horrible.
I may have to try this with my twins. They are always losing their shoes. Drives me crazy.
It's not giving in --- it's just trying to do family things where everyone is happy --- what's the point in taking a kid to a restaurant or other place he isn't going to enjoy and then whacking him around? My feeling is that it's not important to force kids to go to places they don't enjoy ---
When will you teach them that sometimes they have to go (and behave) in places that they don't enjoy ?
I don't see it that way --- I myself don't enjoy certain things and I don't expect to take my kids to an adult function and whip them into behaving. I really don't enjoy watching someone make a public scene with their kids --- if I'm going out to a nice restaurant, I'm not really there to watch brats run around, I'm not there to watch parents lose their tempers and haul off and spank their kids until they sit still, I'm not there to watch some angry parent drag their kid out to punish them outside and bring them back sobbing --- especially if my kids are sitting there behaving or I didn't think they would so I left them home.
Absolutly. I was a product of one of those strict homes--nothing permissive about it. I rebelled something awful as a teen. One thing I can remember during those times is not feeling loved or cared for. I certainly knew my dad wanted to control my every move, but not that he loved me. He seemed more put out there I was cramping his style than worried about what would happen to me if something drastic didn't happen and soon.
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