Posted on 08/02/2004 5:49:37 AM PDT by BluegrassScholar
Edited on 08/02/2004 10:43:46 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
Carrie is 2 years old, with curly brown hair and Windex-blue eyes. In a still-life portrait, she would be adorable. In three dimensions, she's a cross between a Gerber baby and the Tasmanian devil. Bang. Bang, bang, bang, and bang and bang.
That's the noise of the plastic water cup she is whacking against the ceramic-topped table of a neighborhood coffeehouse whose concrete floors function like an echo chamber. If she had a hammer she would have destroyed the table by now, and I'm pretty sure her parents would've let her. People look up from their lattes, squint at the diminutive figure making the big, ear-splitting noise, and try to continue with their newspapers or conversations. The banging goes on for a good 10 minutes. Normally, I would say something -- I'm not shy about these things -- but I'm curious to know just how long her parents, with whom I'm having coffee, will let this go. The answer: Indefinitely. They don't even seem to notice. Maybe they're just used to it?
On some primal level, Carrie must be offended that she's not the center of attention. There is anger in her banging, along with what I read as malice. As she grows even more restive, her father lowers her to the floor. Still clutching the cup, Carrie crawls through the room, pounding on the concrete floor as she goes along, giving everyone an up-close earful of her drum solo.
A few weeks later, I'm at a party, mostly adults with a few kids sprinkled in, among them the volcanically unruly 5-year-old son of a friend. As I squat down to greet him, he responds by biting me in the arm, leaving teeth marks through a shirt and a sweater. I am just about to spank his little behind when I realize I'm in dangerous territory. People go to jail for that these days.
LOL it does make a difference for them but I think we as moms have become a bit dependent on that break the tv gives us.
My oldest nephew ( who is 22 now, and a Dad) was a willful toddler. He threw temper tantrums while shopping for whatever huge toy he wanted.
I took him, and his year-younger brother shopping when they were 3 and 2. Before we left I told both boys that I wasn't their mother, didn't put up with tantrums and- if they 'pitched a conniption'- I would leave them where they were.
( I wouldn't have, of course, but they didn't know that. I was pretty convincing!)
I further reminded them that they didn't know where they lived, didn't know their parents names or phone number , had no money and no way home without me.
Of course, the older boy did his usual tantrum in the toy department, fell on the floor screaming. His baby brother kept telling him the big truck was ' too much moneys' but Tantrum Boy didn't listen.
I found a saleslady, explained what was happening and told her I was going to leave the store to sit just outside in the mall, where I could see said screaming kid on the floor.
She understood and said she'd stay nearby to watch him.
I did what I said I would do. Telling him what I was doing and why, I left him there, got a seat on a bench near the door and watched him scream and kick for about 3 minutes. Then he realized that I had, indeed, left him. When the tantrum turned to scared crying, I went back, thanked the saleslady and took a much-better behaved 3 year old home.
He never forgot that. Never did it to me again.
His now 3 year old daughter is even tempered and extremely reasonable and polite. We get compliments wherever we take her on her mature behavior.
I don't like spanking little kids- tho it can be necessary. I've found that a spray bottle of cold water does wonders for those tantrums, tho. Shocks them and does no damage.
I can't imagine how hard that must have been but you did the right thing. You drew a line and stuck to it. Just pray that they'll soon realize which of their parents actually had their best interest in mind before the marriage evaporated. When a spouse philanders, they are cheating their kids as well as the one they are married to. I hope your kids soon realize that.
I try to attend Mass at least once during the week with my girls, and it has greatly improved their behavior on Sunday mornings! If you are at Mass with a priest, Mommy, sister, and one other person, chances are that you pay a bit more attention! ;) Even my younger daughter pays attention more and has been learning the responses. My older daughter is better behaved than her cousin, who is 18 months older and is preparing for her First Communion this coming Spring. (At least that is what I was told after my sister's family came to visit.)
I never liked those "cry rooms" at church at all. I sat there ONCE, and it was like a social hall - in the middle of MASS, for cryin' out loud! I swore I'd never sit there again, and I haven't.
parents today are wussies
HOLY CRAP! The kid SAID that???
I think I would have needed CPR after that! It reminds me of a story in Dr. Dobson's book on discipline. He said a mother of a teen-aged boy asked for help, and Dr. Dobson asked when the mom thought things had gotten out of control. She said that she could pinpoint it exactly.
She was putting little Johnny down for a nap, and he kept getting out of the crib. She tried reasoning with him a few times (obviously not doing anything about it in terms the child, under two, could understand). Then, she went to put him back in and said, "Now, Johnny, you really need to stay in bed..." at which point the child spit into her face.
Since she did nothing about it, he won, and she admitted that he was in control ever since then.
There are times when you just get an involuntary reaction...when my nephew bit me once, I involuntarily smacked him a good one across his now-departing rear end. (I realized that this wasn't my child that I just hit, but my in-laws said, "Hey, he shouldn't have bit you.") He never bit me again. If my child spit in my face, I'd probably smack her into next Tuesday! Of course, that's NOT going to happen, because I don't tolerate even freshness from them...
I guess I am one of those "butt-in-skis". Two days ago I saw a 5 or 6 year old girl alone in a car at the edge of a parking lot. It was 105 degrees out, but the windows of the car were open. A person could have grabbed the child in 30 seconds and been gone. BTW, this was the same day the two children in Coeur d'Alene disappeared not so far from here. I don't feel guilty at all for calling the police. You simply can't leave a child unattended these days.
Oh, I almost forgot to say, the mother came out and attempted to assault me. I was on the phone with the police at the time. It was obvious she had some real problems besides leaving the girl alone in the car. No, I don't think she will be charged with anything for this incident but will get a good talking to. I have a feeling she was already known by the P.D.
IS this on DVD yet? It sounds right up our alley!
When my in-laws were raising my nephew, who is Deaf along with a bunch of other problems, they had a social worker who had helped them with the custody papers, etc. One day, my nephew was pitching a wild fit about getting into his car seat, and my father in law was signing to him - rather forcefully, which is the equivalent of yelling - NO! BAD!
Bad is signed by taking an open hand from your lips down to touch your other palm so that it's like a small clap. Usually, it's silent, but when you're "yelling" it can be loud. My nephew was screaming like a banshee, and this total stranger comes up and tells my father in law that she is going to call child protective services on him. He offered her their case worker's number, which she turned down. He wound up intercepting it by calling himself to give them a head's up on the situation.
It was amazing to me. She never asked, or even walked around the car to see from a different angle.
Looky! Someone wrote a thread for me!
LOL!!!!!!!!!
I'm late for the party because soccer camp started this morning - but am reading through - I dislike chiming in to such a large thread!!!
But I can relate with all the comments about bratty kids..a 7 year old asked me this morning why I was so rough on my daughter (rough was his word) I told him she was disobedient and that was not permitted............he asked me what disobedient means. I told him and he said "my mom wouldn't have made such a fuss and would have left me alone"...by a 7 year old..........SHEESH.
Awesome! I try to tell the parents (and KIDS) "nice job."
I used to work in a restaurant, and really made a point of it then. I'd thank the kids who were well behaved, and let them in on a secret. There are adults who don't have the manners they did, and I appreciated it tremendously. There was nothing worse than kids running around a restaurant while I'm balancing four hot plates of food on my arms!
Not sure if it's on DVD but it's on his CD, That's Awesome.
I agree. I put my daughters in time-out rarely, but when I do, they are facing a wall within earshot of the fun they are missing. Two minutes is an eternity to the three year old, and it's at least five for the older one, and it starts over every time she turns around or gets up or talks to us. "Sorry" is expected immediately after.
Incidentally, I did have an epiphany with my older daughter. She was getting this fresh attitude, and no amound of punishing was working to change it. I tried nearly everything I could think of. Finally, I decided to approach it from a new angle.
One day, when she hadn't been fresh all day, I said, "We need to talk about something." We sat together in the living room, alone, and I asked her if she realized that she'd been getting very fresh with grown-ups lately. She knew she had been, so I moved on. "I know you probably see some shows or movies when kids talk to grown ups like that, right?" (Mostly, we try to be careful of what she watches, but nearly EVERYTHING with kids has this going on.) She agreed, and I continued, "Then everyone laughs...like it's really funny, right?"
"Right."
"Well, that's not funny. Remember the fourth commandment? Honor your father and mother?"
After that, we had a really good heart-to-heart talk about temptation, the devil, and God's commandment that we honor our elders. I know it seems like a lot to give to a 5 1/2 year old, but I have to tell you, it worked like a charm. After a couple of days of me reminding her that she went for the temptation, she actually started to catch herself MID-SENTENCE, stop herself, apologize, and re-phrase it. Most of the time, she was trying to express something, but just did it inappropriately.
I tell you, my stress level has gone down, I'm more fun, and she isn't in trouble nearly as much.
Oh, the big thing that makes a difference is this: I don't talk to other people that way, least of all my parents, and neither does my hubby. That we are decent examples of the right behavior made the lesson easier for her to learn.
>>There was nothing worse than kids running around a restaurant while I'm balancing four hot plates of food on my arms!<<
Honestly, although I was concerned with the heartburn of the other patrons when I kept my kids in seats, this was my biggest fear. Hot coffee on the head of a two year old makes huge burns forever.
Don't parents think????
My girls learned sign language (I used to be an interpreter for the Deaf), and they could sign please and thank you before they could talk. I expected it from six months on. Now, at 5 and 3, they do it on their own. I'm so proud of them, I could bust! I tell them so as much as possible! :)
My son had a friend over one day. My son started to tease my speech problem daughter about the way she talked.
I told my son that he would be grounded for a week from the TV if he ever teased like that again.
His friend chimed in that I was not fair, and started back talking me. After that, the kid put glitter glue in my other daughter's hair.
That kid never came over for a play date again. The only time I let him come back to our house was for a birthday party for a bunch of kids in my son's class. I didn't want to exclude the kid.
My son knew I didn't approve of that kids behavior, and my daughters couldn't stand the kid.
>>That kid never came over for a play date again. The only time I let him come back to our house was for a birthday party for a bunch of kids in my son's class. I didn't want to exclude the kid. <<
I wish my hubby could understand the idea of excluding bad behavior. We have four children in our neighborhood. All of them (from three families) are monsters. My hubby still can't understand why I drive my kids to their friends.
I am very inclusive when it comes to birthday parties, but I will not have some wild child over for play dates.
Our only problem area has been my son's best friend. We moved a few months ago, but my son's best friend lived across the street. He's a wonderful little boy, but he has an "evil" little brother.
His little brother has lied about things going on at my house. We used to have a neighborhood preschool group, and this little boy lied that my daughters took off their clothes while I was upstairs sleeping. Neither were true. The bad thing is that the mom asked all the other moms about this before even telling me what was going on. I found out from the other mothers. Thank goodness, the other kids said this did not happen.
It's actually good that we moved away because now I just invite my son's friend over, and I don't include his little brother.
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