Zimbabwe -- Weekend in jail? make it a month!

Zimbabwe Standard ^ | 2004-07-04 | overthetop By Brian Latham

[Clive]

IT has been a busy week in the troubled central African nation. The most equal of all comrades announced electoral reforms ahead of next year's parliamentary violence.

The reforms will replace the electoral supervisory body appointed by the most equal of all comrades ... with another body appointed by the most equal of all comrades.

This display of staggering transparency is meant to bring the troubled central African banana republic into line with guidelines established by the Southern African Disaster Community.

Meanwhile the justice for the Zany Party minister pushed a law through parliament allowing police to detain suspects for up to 21 days. He said his legal conscience was clear, probably because it brings the troubled central African police State into line with such shining democracies as North Korea, Cuba and Libya.

The new law was immediately condemned by the More Drink Coming Party which said it expected its candidates to be arrested shortly before next year's election.

That's if they get that far. Parliament in the troubled central African basket case also called for the More Drink Coming Party to be investigated for treason on the strength of a comment made by the British Prime Minister Mrs Emily Blair.

Mrs Blair said that there would be "no salvation" for the people of the central African regime until the government was changed.

Unsurprisingly, she made no mention of how that change was to be brought about.

Analysts pointed out that Mrs Blair's government was likely to be changed long before the government of the central African nation. With popularity at an all time low and party infighting at an all time high, it is difficult to tell the difference between Britain's ruling party and the troubled central African country's ruling party.

Meanwhile the confused leader of a confused southern African nation was also doing nothing to affect change in the troubled central African basket case. Mr Barking told Over The Top this week, "We are disappointed that talks between the Zany Party who are our friends and the More Drink Coming Party, who are our enemies, are taking so long.

We are investigating ways of not making them move any faster."

Meanwhile spokesmen for both the More Drink Coming Party and the Zany Party said, "What talks?" when asked how talks were progressing. Both parties have consistently denied being in talks for over a year, contradicting reports from the confused southern African nation.

Political analysts who cannot be named for fear of 21 days in police cells or death (whichever comes first) said Mr Barking was the only man on the African continent who was aware of talks.

"The talks are so secret that even the people at the talks don't know they're talking," said an analyst.

Still, an eminent psychiatrist said it was possible that there were talks going on - inside Mr Barking's head. The psychiatrist said this was a common symptom of a close association with Messrs Glenfiddich, Teachers and Bells.

OTT is disinclined to believe the psychiatrist's explanation in case he needs a visa in a hurry one day. As far as OTT is concerned, Mr Barking is a fine, upstanding leader of a great African superpower and if he wants to colonise his troubled central African neighbour, he can be our guest.

In the meantime, if he's considering giving away any more homes, make mine in KZN because the Cape seems to have been taken over by Zany politicians and Anglo-trash. The former are likely to steal the gin, while the latter smell so foul the gin curdles.

[Clive]

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