Posted on 06/23/2004 1:36:23 PM PDT by John Lenin
By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer
NEW YORK - While most single young men aspire to marriage, about one-fifth are deeply skeptical of the institution and their prospects of making it work, according to a new national survey which closely links men's marital outlook to their upbringing.
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The survey, released Wednesday by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, found that the men with negative attitudes were far more likely than the rest to have been raised by a divorced parent in a non-churchgoing family.
"Most young men are still 'the marrying kind,'" said a report accompanying the survey. "Moreover, the men who are the best 'marriage bets' are those who are more traditional in their family and religious background."
One critic said such assertions were too broad, fostering illusions about traditional families and overlooking the nuanced attitudes of those raised by divorced parents.
Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married "because it was the right time to settle down." The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.
The survey was part of the annual "State of Our Unions" report authored by Marriage Project co-directors David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead.
Their report avoided making specific recommendations, but Popenoe, in a telephone interview, counseled women seeking husbands to "take into consideration the guy's background — don't avoid the traditional guys."
"A huge percentage of the men say they'll marry when it's time to settle down, which a lot of women don't quite understand," Popenoe said. "A word of advice to women — make sure you're getting the guy at just this time."
Survey responses from the married men painted a positive picture of marriage — 94 percent said they were happier married than single, and 73 percent said their sex life was better.
"For men, even more than for women, marriage is a transformative event," Popenoe and Whitehead wrote. "They work harder and do better financially than men who are not married. They are less likely to hang out in bars, to abuse alcohol or drugs."
According to the survey, married men are roughly twice as likely as unmarried men to go religious services regularly. Three-quarters of the married men said it was important for children to be raised in a religion, compared to 59 percent of unmarried men.
Regarding parenting, married and single men had similar views — about two-thirds of each group said having children shouldn't be the main purpose of marrying.
Among the single men, those interested in marriage were more likely to have had a father fully involved in their upbringing than those who were skeptical of marriage. The unmarried men raised by two parents also were more likely to be trusting of women than those raised in single-parent homes.
Stephanie Coontz, a history professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and author of several books on families, questioned the utility of such findings.
"There's this endless stream of correlations that seem designed to convince people, 'By golly, we'd all do better if everybody got married and stayed married,'" she said. "That's unrealistic in the modern world."
She said researchers should conduct more detailed surveys, for example, comparing the outlooks of men whose parents divorced amicably with men whose parents endured in an unhappy marriage.
Of the unmarried men who were surveyed, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon. Most agreed that "at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom"; 47 percent said they wouldn't marry until they could afford to own a home.
Not sure if most of the distance is societal training or inherent in the genetic makeup. Truth is... women could learn to be more rational and men could learn to be more verbal. In a marriage, this would exemplify love in both directions.
You said:
No, they really can't.
I don't know if you're a christian or not but the reading of the Bible has initiated behaviorial changes throughout the ages; men were not oly learning facts all this time, but also behavior. And, as you know, it is not graphic in nature. Unless men are reading the childrens' illustrated version.
I find it preposterous that you actually believe men cannot learn to be more verbal. I know of a marriage that was revolutionized when the man began saying "I love you" and began to give more compliments to his wife.
I know countless women who began to use more rational language and kept themselves from resorting to anger too quickly and experienced real change in their marriages as well.
Men can learn to verbalize; women can learn rationality.
OT slightly, I have seen marriages where the man is more emotional and the woman more calm and rational, just to prove that generalizations are not true in each case.
I see your sense of humor has left upon the last cruise ship. Sad day indeed.
Yes, I know. I would say that my statement would not apply to any female Freepers, or not even the majority of women. I was referring to the left leaning views, and interests of many women who I've encountered in the local dating pool. Many like the today's sit coms, and even watch Jerry Springer on a regular basis. I can only handle about 5 minutes of either at a time.
I run into women like that sometimes, in line at the Post Office, or hanging around during the kids' gymnastics lessons. It always surprises me! I guess as a homeschooling mother and a FReeper, I live in an isolated conservative bubble ...
LOL, well, you know what I am thinking. October 27th, I take to the sky.
Good luck :)
Women, and young girls are dumb. They want the exciting men. Mostof the time these men donot make good choices as prospective dates, and spouses.
Maybe this is why prison inmates seem to attract women. Kind of sucks doesn't it?
Yes, it does. Some women are just really stupid in that department and keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over again.
Salamat po (thank you) It is 10:46 PM on the west coast, you are up awfully late. I know, you were just waiting for me, right? (smile)
LOL I was talking to a buddy in South Africa and another in New Zealand that's why :)
Desirous males I assume? On second thought, all males you talk to are desirous.
Nope, I was talking to girlfriends :)
LOL, of course you were, of course you were.
I'm with you. Lots of people met their wives at bars. It's hardly the end of the world.
This is an encouraging article.
Thanks for posting.
Up with traditionalist, church-going men!
Well -- not all women and young girls are dumb, just as not all young men are Cads and Users and Players.
Young Women just need to understand -- when they date a "Player", even just for "fun", they are (in effect) rewarding and reinforcing his behavior.
They may be "just having fun", but the effect is to reward a "Player" for his behavior.
If young women consistently SHUN the Bad Boys, the Players, and the Users... there will be less of them.
Sub-Species which cannot propagate, tend to Die Out.
What, my screen name didn't give it away?
The Orthodox Presbyterian Church is arguably the most Theologically-Conservative Denomination in the United States, if not the world. Not that membership therein makes me some kind of spectacular "Uber-Christian", but it does somewhat diminish the nagging of the cackling voices in my head urging me to perform Goat Sacrifices to Apollyon the Destroyer in my utility shed.
but the reading of the Bible has initiated behaviorial changes throughout the ages; men were not oly learning facts all this time, but also behavior. And, as you know, it is not graphic in nature. Unless men are reading the childrens' illustrated version.
Well, point given. I'll happily grant the Transformational power of Bible-Reading on the behavior of even the most stubborn Male, if attended by the Holy Spirit and joined with Sincerity on the part of the Reader.
However, I hardly think that applies to our discussion as to the efficacy of "television" and "seminars" and "self-help books" in influencing Male Behavior for the Better.
Unlike the Bible, I don't know of many "self-help books" which can legitimately advertise "100% Divinely Inspired!" and "Channels Sanctifying Grace directly into the Heart!" as is True of Scripture, in terms of Male behavioral incorporation of Reading Material.
You get my drift?
However, even in the case of the Bible (the one "self-help" Book which can alter Male Behavior simply by the Reading thereof, due to its uniquely Sacramental efficacy) -- For Best Results upon Male Behavior, mix one part daily Bible Reading with two parts daily positive Behavioral Reinforcement and two parts daily Biblical Male Role-Modelling provided by a Devout Father-figure.
Mix together, and cook to perfection.
I find it preposterous that you actually believe men cannot learn to be more verbal. I know of a marriage that was revolutionized when the man began saying "I love you" and began to give more compliments to his wife. I know countless women who began to use more rational language and kept themselves from resorting to anger too quickly and experienced real change in their marriages as well. Men can learn to verbalize; women can learn rationality.
Sorry... perhaps I verbalized my Objection poorly (Well -- I am a Man, after all).
I am NOT saying that it is in any way Impossible for individual Men to become more Verbal and Empathetic in their Relations, nor is it impossible for individual Women to become more Rational and Logical in their Cogitations. I am an ardent fan of the Advice which Ronald Reagen gave to his sons:
I am simply saying that, on balance and across the overall average of the Sexes, it is *Impossible* to expect that Men in general will ever be as Empathetic as Women, or Women in general as Logocentric as Men.
Sex Differences will always remain, simply because from the 12th week of Gestation on, Our Brains are Different. Psychology cannot fight Physiology.
And I think that's a key thing -- each Partner understanding that Sex Differences in Psychological Interaction do exist and ALWAYS will, and each, mutually and sacrificially, accomodating themselves to those differences.
OT slightly, I have seen marriages where the man is more emotional and the woman more calm and rational, just to prove that generalizations are not true in each case.
Generalizations are, admittedly, not True in each and every case.
However, they are generally True.
Hence their useful value as Generalizations.
best, OP
LOVE the Screen Name.
Aside from CNBC (all-Finance, all-the-time -- I have an excuse, I do a little work in Mutual Funds)... I have probably watched less than 100 hours of Television, total, in the last Year (indeed, probably less than 100 hours a year in the last three years).
Home-schoolers are already consistently embarassing the Gubmint Skool Establishment in every National Academic Competition, in every Subject, at all times everywhere.
Can you even imagine what we could accomplish if every Christian faithfully Tithed 10% off the Net Increase (let alone the Gross) and every Christian Church (flush with the Tithes of the Faithful) organized Private Christian Tutors for the Children of the Church?
I see a Day coming where every Child baptized unto Christ is educated in Logic and Rhetoric and the Classics and the Bible... just like my own Kid Brother (who was, I hasten to add, educated for $300 per month in a Reformed Episcopalian Academy -- HALF the Cost of the wasteful Gubmist Edumbukashun Warehouses).
I see a Day coming where every Child baptized unto Christ is educated in the Church, by the Church, and for the Church.
You may say that I'm a Dreamer.... but I'm not the only one...
And TELEVISION is JUST WRONG.
Amen, and Amen.
best, OP
So watching the Jesus film on TV is "just wrong"?
Every Medium has its uses.
Some of the Independent Fundamental Baptists on FR have been castigating Gibson's "Passion" because it is (ack! help us!)... a motion picture.
Well, I have been foremost amongst the Defenders of "The Passion" in pointing out that the "Passion" has at least the same Iconographic Teaching Value as a Protestant Church's velcro-board Vacation Bible School lessons.
But that doesn't change the fact that the vast majority of Television Programming today is either addle-pated or pornographic -- frankly, most Television is either an Insult to your Intelligence, or an attempt to Titillate your most basic and animal Lusts.
And don't think I'm being Elistist. How do you think they sell Ads? "The Lowest Common Denominator" is "The Widest Possible Audience". You don't sell a lot of Ads using the Summa Theologica or the Institutes of the Christian Religion.
So, yeah... Television can be used to present an Artistic Work with a great deal of Iconographic Teaching Value, such as the "Jesus Film".
However, by and large, Television is addle-pated and pornographic.
It HAS to be... that's what Sells, to the "The Lowest Common Denominator" -- i.e., "The Widest Possible Audience".
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