Zimbabwe -- UNacceptable or UNcoordinated?

Zimbabwe Standard ^ | 2004-06-20 | overthetop By Brian Latham

[Clive]

OFFICIALS in a troubled central African banana republic say they have not snubbed a top United Nations official - they just didn't want to see him. "If he'd come on a different day, things might have been better," said a slightly muddled man from the ruling Zany Party. "As it was, we were a bit busy on the day he wanted to arrive."

The UN said the snub was confusing. Senior government officials from all the troubled central African country's neighbours managed to find the time for a meeting with the world body.

Meanwhile the UN official, the personal envoy of the body's top man, said he had no comment.

This was possibly because he had visited the troubled central African police State several times before and knew just what to expect.

The portly official, who has been responsible for feeding half the country's population for the last three years, was also said to be miffed when the Zany foreign minister accused the UN of spreading lies about the troubled central African basket case.

The Zany foreign minister, in a statement guaranteed to ensure his popularity in the UN, accused the organisation of employing a drunkard to write its reports.

Continuing his rant, the Zany foreign minister suggested that the UN's main food body, the WFP, might even be working for the opposition More Drink Coming Party.

Political analysts who cannot be named because they fear death said even if it were true that the WFP supported the More Drink Coming Party, that would only be fair. "After all," whispered one analyst, "It's a well established fact that the other major UN organisation in the troubled central African dictatorship has been working for the Zany Party for years."

Meanwhile in a largely unrelated incident, a source close to the Nigerian president has told Over The Top of an interesting if short conversation between Mr OB Banjo of Nigeria and the troubled central African nation's most equal of all comrades.

According to Ms Eunice "US dollars only please" Luma, the most equal of all comrades was more than a little miffed to learn that some of his now homeless honky farmers had been feted and lionised in Nigeria.

Calling his colleague Mr Banjo on the amazing satellite phone, he asked why dispossessed farmers were being encouraged to invest in the oil-rich but otherwise hopelessly corrupt West African nation.

According to Ms Luma (a woman of irreproachable manners known to OTT only in the platonic sense), Mr Banjo was surprised and annoyed to have his afternoon dalliance interrupted by the most equal of all comrades. Apparently he hung up after muttering a short, sharp expletive not normally directed publicly towards the most equal of all comrades.

Of course, this startling bit of news has nothing to do with the United Nations, except that if farmers do go to Nigeria, that country may soon be growing some of its own food, while the troubled central African basket case will continue to rely on the munificence of the spurned world body.

Still, in a related event - because we have to stick to objective journalism - the Zany foreign minister has also complained about the UN describing the troubled central African police state as a "no go area" characterised by rising crime.

The reality is that the troubled central African banana republic is only a no go area to subversive elements within the More Drink Coming Party. As for rising crime, the evidence of heavily armed policemen beating political opponents into submission was proof that the law enforcement agencies were deployed where they are really needed, said a Zany Party spokesperson.

[Clive]

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[UnklGene]

Good Lord, Clive! This reporter must have brass balls to have published this. Is he in Harare? (I still think Salisbury)