As a Texas cowboy in a Pace Picante commercial might say:
Get a rope.
Posted on 06/17/2004 12:17:08 PM PDT by BigJnSA
Can you believe this would be printed in Texas?
Farewell to a hero
BY GILBERT GARCIA CRAWFORD, TX., June 16, 2032
The world lost one of its most beloved leaders yesterday when George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the United States, passed away after a long, debilitating battle with attention-deficit disorder. He was 87.
(Excerpt) Read more at sacurrent.com ...
As a grieving nation responded to the news with shock and awe, Bush was remembered as an impish nation-builder with a heart of gold. His two-term administration (2001-09) brought compassion to conservatism, restoring hope to the nation's beleaguered billionaires and galvanizing America's sense of pride after the troublesome Clinton boom years. To the end, he was a scrappy pitbull for liberty who gave God the ultimate veto power.
A self-made oil magnate, a Yale honor student, and a soldier who demonstrated extraordinary bravery as a member of the National Guard in the 1970s, Bush made a meteoric rise to political prominence in the 1990s. In 1994, with a minimal campaign war chest and few noteworthy political connections, he stunned Texas incumbent Ann Richards in that year's gubernatorial election. After winning re-election in a landslide, he narrowly edged Al Gore in the hard-fought 2000 presidential race.
Faced with the grim challenge of responding to the horrific September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, Bush demonstrated decisive leadership, quickly identifying the presence of an international "axis of evil," and issuing what came to be known as the "Dubya Doctrine": If some foreign leader with a semi-unpronounceable name so much as looks at us funny, it is our obligation to take pre-emptive military action.
Bush put this policy to the test in 2003, sending 138,000 troops to Iraq to overthrow the government of Saddam Hussein. Three decades later, Republicans continue to hail the success of this bold campaign, noting that by the end of 2032, the United States will have less than 50,000 troops remaining in Iraq. They also point out that the current Iraqi regime is among the most moderate military governments in the region.
Ultimately, Bush's success owed as much to his personal charm as his often underrated command of policy detail. Always quick with a good-natured malaprop, his frequent grammatical snafus made the country feel young again. In contrast to what he derided as the "fancy-pants elite" of Beltway know-it-alls, Bush never made his countrymen feel inferior. To borrow one of his legendary expressions, he was frequently "misunderestimated," but never duplicated.
In his second term, Bush pushed forward with an alphabet soup of domestic initiatives. His strong opposition to steroid use among professional athletes resulted in the passage of a 2006 law which stripped baseball icon Barry Bonds of his home-run records. He also worked feverishly to outlaw the sale of pine tar and stickum, and his vocal leadership caused Little League teams throughout the country to eliminate the clinking plague of aluminum bats. He also experimented with the idea of combining his faith-based initiative program with his "No Child Left Behind" plan, resulting in a spirited new wave of Christian indoctrination.
In 2007, his dream of sending a man to Mars came to fruition, as pop star Lance Bass made the three-year journey and returned home to a New York ticker-tape parade.
Much like Ronald Reagan, his political role-model, Bush delighted in surprising his critics. "I'm the master of low expectations," he once said with a chuckle. Also, like Reagan, Bush broadened the GOP tent. He reached out to Latinos by appearing at a 2004 Pensacola, Florida rally with singer Gloria Estefan and broke bread with respected African-American leaders such as Tiger Woods and Jimmy "JJ" Walker.
"He knew himself, and he was comfortable in his own skin," recalled Condoleezza Rice, his former national security adviser. "He knew that being a good leader meant never questioning your own ideas."
After leaving office, Bush retired to his Crawford, Texas ranch and lived a quiet life. In 2014, he and his wife Laura divorced, and the following year, he married his longtime assistant, Karen Hughes. Hughes, whose touching devotion to Bush often led her to mouth each word of his speeches along with him, was at his side yesterday.
"Some of you might remember that I once wrote a book called Ten Minutes From Normal," Hughes said in a press release. "Well, George took me those final 10 minutes, and he got me there in a shiny new SUV. Thanks to him, now I'm normal."
Already, there is talk of a movement to have Bush join Reagan on Mount Rushmore, an idea strongly supported by Rice.
"He had a heroic simplicity about him," she said. "He didn't care if the French or the Germans liked him. As far as he was concerned, they didn't have a vote. His obligation was to the hard-working CEOs of America."
With a sad smile, Rice added: "I know that Dubya stood for 'Walker,' but to me, it always meant 'winner.'" •
By Gilbert Garcia
This is just plain stupid, and I feel more dumb for having read it.
Here kitties! ...
Aye, Valhalla, I am zotting!
I guess you post a few "pro-Bush" comments and then start being the TROLL crap.
The Current?! Mad Magazing has more integrity than that rag.
ZOT!
That's PRESIDENT Rice to you, buddy.
Yeah, I think that BigJnSA has been a 3-month mini sleep TROLL.Naw, he started off with "Can you believe this would be printed in Texas?". He probably just forgot the Ultra Mega Projectile Barf Alert.I guess you post a few "pro-Bush" comments and then start being the TROLL crap.
-Eric
Too stupid, this is some altered universe fantasy piece.
This guy's got "issues."
Speak up out there so we know you are not trolling.
P.S.....Gilbert Garcia is peabrained.
Domain Name: SACURRENT.COM
Administrative Contact, Technical Contact:
Evans, Lisa (WVMNQBLRQI) dom-admin@timesshamrock.com
The Scranton Times
149 Penn Avenue
Scranton, PA 18503
US
570-348-9100 fax: 123 123 1234
Scranton is NOT TEXAS by the way.
Maybe so. But, perhaps, that's the reason why newbies should keep their pieholes shut and their fingers off of the "Post" button for a little bit.
I have commented before that maybe we should be a little more leery of the sleeper DU'ers that post for 2 months and then start the onslaught.
I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it doesn't seem that BigJnSA has replied at all to defend himself. That's a bit of another strikes...the hit-and-run commentary is another very popular tactic of trolls.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe not. With all due respect to your statements, my comments stand.
I just emailed the paper.........told them I didn't know who was dumber.......Gilbert Garcia for writing it or them for publishing it...........signed my name: Gilbert Grape, (cause Gilbert Garcia is eating at me right now.) *~*
On June 18, 2004, Gilbert Garcia was committed to a mental institution. His family finally tiring of his hallucinations and masquerading as a legitimate journalist decided he needs some serious help. A spokesman for the family is quoted as saying "We are all praying for Gilbert".
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