Doug from Upland has been reported to the Secret Service!

phone conversations with the USSS | 6-15-04 | dfu

[doug from upland]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen it was the conversation that all political junkies dread. It was the conversation with the United States Secret Service.

Doug from Upland was reported yesterday to the Secret Service. What could Doug have done? Who turned him in? Is harmless Doug a threat to anyone? Has he ever harmed anyone? This would be so out of character. This is a guy who delivers Meals on Wheels to the elderly and reads to the Kindergarteners for his Kiwanis group. He opens doors for ladies, doesn't eat meat, and has helped save several lost pets. Are we speaking of the same Doug?

Here is the background. On THIS THREAD was a sentence that read: Former President Bill Clinton's official portrait is to be unveiled and hung in the White House in a ceremony Monday, according to Smithsonian officials and a close Clinton friend.

I made the following flippant commennt:

Leave out " 's official portrait" in the first line and we have a good sentence. All right, I guess I should have known better than to give the lefties any potential ammo. I guess they must spend a lot of time on FR.

Five FReepers sent me FReepmail to alert me that some kind of rodents who inhabit the underworld somewhere got their panties in a wad. Fortunately, they only got them in a wad. They weren't the victims of a horrific war crime in which they were forced to wear them on their heads. Apparently, some on the Lunatic Left believe that they finally had something. I am told that they are still angry for the publishing on FR of the names listed on the A.N.S.W.E.R. website of those America-hating lefties and communists. I dared to give my opinion that they were enemies of America while we are engaged in the War on Terror. How could I have possibly thought I had the right to do that? Afer all, the First Amendment is only for the benefit of the leftists. Right? Another FReeper told me that some are still angry that a lunatic teacher had his interview cancelled with Aaron Brown and that somehow I was responsible. :)

Well, enough was enough. Someone had to turn in Doug from Upland for that outrageous comment about the impeached serial sexual predator and disgraced ex-president who defiled the White House and took 900K from Bernie Schwartz, allowing Bernie to avoid prosecution for selling missile technology to the ChiComs that now enables their missiles to hit any U.S. city, hitting racial minorities, gays, women, the elderly, and children hardest. (Raise your hand if you sometimes love run on sentences.)

Who did it? Who turned Doug in? Why, Doug from Upland did it. Yes, really.

The first call was to the SS office in D.C. I spoke with an agent who investigates threats, gave her my information, gave her the link, and read what I wrote. The agent said, "That's it? That's it? Has someone complained about that? Are you a threat?"

I told the agent that I was not a threat, didn't know if someone had phoned, but I wanted to save them some time if they received complaints. After all, we are speaking here about the lunatic left. The USSS needs to spend their time protecting our current commander in chief rather than chasing complaints of the whackjobs. It saved them time having to find the site, find the post, contact JimRob to get info about me, etc.

The agent was surprised that I then asked for the field agent in Los Angeles. I told her that, since it was in my area, I wanted to alert them also. She appreciated the fact that I made the call to her.

In Los Angeles, I reached a male agent and went through the same scenario. He thought the comment was "innocuous" and was quite surprised that someone would want to waste their time with this. He realized that I was no threat.

I am not certain, but I think the agent might have enjoyed my anecdote about how I went to the White House for a weekend in 1998 to present an eviction notice to the Clintons. Because I couldn't serve it on them, I had fun and entertained a small crowd by parading with a poster sized eviction notice. I was turned in to the Secret Service for that episode. For those who don't know the background, I told a talk radio show in the Los Angeles area of the plans to present the eviction notice. It obviously would not be able to be served, so the plan was to "blow it up to poster size" and carry it in front of the White House. A nitwit leftist who heard the talk show thought that was some kind of threat actually told the Secret Service that there was a plot to blow up the White House. A field agent from Los Angeles made the station owners come in to the station and play the tape from that phone call to determine that there was no threat. What a monumental waste of resources. When I heard about the report, I phoned the field office in Los Angeles. They realized it was no threat, just a Clinton KoolAide drinker upset at someone mocking the disgraced president.

That was an enjoyable weekend adventure in D.C. sharing Clinton anecdotes with the crowd. That was before the days when we really knew what a FReep was. It was before the days of the famous WH chant in which the D.C. FReepers told Clinton to step away from the intern and come out with his pants up. In this hectic and busy weekend, I was fortunate to have a FReeper show me around town. I made the trip to the Starbucks where Katy Mahoney had worked, to Ft. Marcy Park where Vince's body was dumped (no, I don't believe he was murdered, just that his body was moved), the Watergate hotel where they denied my request to do an FR interview with Monica Lewinsky, the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Monument, the Vietnam Memorial, and a White House tour. At the end of the tour, I actually got a smile and small laugh from a Secret Service agent as we left. Somewhere, I have a photo of him smiling over the comment I made about secret Clinton evidence in his official cool Secret Service logo briefcase. I really wanted one of those briefcases but they could not sell me one.

Oh, yes. Back to the field agent in Los Angeles. We ended our friendly conversation with him telling me that I shouldn't expect to be hearing back from them. I suppose he believes that an innocuous comment about a disgraced and impeached ex-president is not nearly as important as focusing resources on protecting our current outstanding commander in chief.

Whew. That was close. How does Doug from Upland get away with this stuff?

[doug from upland]

Randi has been reported. I suspect that they paid her a visit.

[doug from upland]

Come on, wouldn't you pay more than $20 to visit them on Alcatraz? I would gladly pay $1000.

[skeeter]

There was never really anything to worry about, DFU - according to grand jury testimony still on file with the FBI Clinton is most assuredly not hung.

[stands2reason]

Seriesly? Do tell...

[kjam22]

:) Probably ....

[Spok]

Obviously the Secret Service recognizes the distinction between being 'hung' and being 'hanged'. (humor)

[G.Mason]

"Doug, keep swingin' that cluebat -- the moonbats may figure it out......one day....[g]"

Ahem ... Now I know where you are hanging out when you're not here!

'S okay, I won't tell. ;)

[Conspiracy Guy]

Doug,

I'm starting to see a pattern here. Are you trying to be more hated on DU than me? You are doing a great job, much more serious than my Dem bashing poems.

I nominate you as the FR's candidate for most hated FReeper at DU.

I need a second can we get a second?

CG

[Conspiracy Guy]

Thanks for the tip. Doug deserves the title.

[Aeronaut]

I quit 13 years ago. I'll match my totally clean heart scan against yours. :) Actually, my dad died far too young from a heart attack as did his dad. I have been determined that I will break that trend. It is right for me, and I will not lecture to others. It would be nice, however, if we could be more humane to animals. God's creatures deserve that.

I didn't intend to be preachy either, thus the smiley. Because I bike a lot, I'll see your heart scan. (Insert another smiley here) Humane to animals is a good thing. I don't hunt, but I am a carnivore.

[Quilla]

To this day, it boggles my mind how the Senate, Congress and Justice Department overlooked such a blatant bribe that significantly put out country in danger.

I can unboggle that mind in two words, Jim:

GORE LICK

[TheBattman]

I wonder if any of the SS agents didn't know about FR before your contact, but now will take a look every now and then.

[doug from upland]

Are you hated there? I used to check in with them every week but decided it really was a waste of time. I didn't need to see what they were up to. We know. It never changes. FReeper friends who can stand the stench go there and sometimes give me a heads up.

If you want the title, you may have it. In fact, I nominate you.

[Budge]

I figured out how DFU got away with it.

He secretly carries a democrat voter registeration in his wallet!

[Labyrinthos]

A nitwit leftist who heard the talk show thought that was some kind of threat actually told the Secret Service that there was a plot to blow up the White House.

And when Clinton heard the word "blow," he was certain that either Monica was back in town for an encore performance or Roger had scored some really good stuff.

[vetvetdoug]

I was wondering now that we have armadillos here in Mississippi. I wanted to know the correct protocol for honoring a dead armadillo. But a Mexican Beer? Would Dos Equis or Bohemian be acceptable being that they too are beer much like Pearl and Lone Star were?

[soozla]

You are a true patriot and a great American!!!!

[doug from upland]

re: heat scan and biking

You may win the heart scan battle. Biking at about 18-20 mph is the best exercise one can do. My son is into competitive biking and he is in incredible shape with a resting heart rate we would all welcome.

[stands2reason]

Shiner Bock.

[Liberatio]

Oh, ok. I didn't hear any follow up to it.