A Daughter's Remembrance: The Gemstones of Our Years

MSNBC/Newsweek ^ | June 14, 2004 issue | Patti Davis

[A Citizen Reporter]

"Jayne Wyman was there, standing off to the side with a military escort as Mrs. Reagan came in."

I saw that woman standing with a military escort, (in the corner, in shadows, near the doorway) and wondered if it might be Jayne Wyman. Thanks for the confirmation.

[Torie]

I had a 15 year feud with my aunt. I chose last year to reach across the abyss, before it was too late, and bury the hatchet. Patti did too - just in time as it turned out. Time is precious. It was a very personal and moving article, which touched me.

[Howlin]

I was frankly surprised at her way with words. I was like "Yes, yes, that's it!" -- you know?

She has an article coming out in People on Friday and I am anxious to read it.

[Torie]

One other thing. We demand too much of our parents all too often. It take a lot of time to realize those demands are unreasonable and unrealistic. I was fortunate to have a Dad who was eminently touchable, and lovable, and sensitive, generous, indeed overly generous, and highly intelligent and wise. He was not perfect, but for me, he was as good as it gets. I was very fortunate. Whatever good qualities I have, are largely due to his example. God, how I miss him, even after 13 years since his death.

As for my mother, I told her when I reached the age of 35, that the statute of limitations had run on any case that I had to blame her for any of my short comings. I was now on my own. She now is deep into senile dementia, and does not know me any longer. But she is more cheerful and loving now, then ever she was before, even without much memory, as some other parts of her brain still work. And so it goes. She responds to a good hug. She still responds to love.

And so it goes.

[GretchenM]

My father belonged to the country. I resented the country at times for its demands on him, its ownership of him. America was the important child in the family, the one who got the most attention. It's strange, but now I find comfort in sharing him with an entire nation. There is some solace in knowing that others were also mystified by him; his elusiveness was endearing, but puzzling. He left all of us with the same question: who was he? People ask me to unravel him for them, as if I have secrets I haven't shared. But I have none, nothing that you don't already know. He was a man guided by internal faith. He knew our time on this earth is brief, yet he cared deeply about making his time here count. He was comfortable in his own skin. A disarmingly sunny man, he remained partially in shadow; no one ever saw all of him.

Wow.

[Yaelle]

Thank you for posting this, Howlin.

[SuziQ]

I let go of his hand for too long, pushed it away, before finally grasping it again, trusting that even in his dying, I would find new life.

Dang blurry monitor!

I'm so glad she was reconciled with her family before it was too late, and she couldn't reach her father.

[Mayflower Sister]

From the article:

The years between those two events were often war-torn, weighed down with sorrow—with words he found difficult to say and words I wish I'd never said.

It's what you do with someone who is always a bit out of reach. You content yourself with moments; you gather them, treasure them. They are the gemstones of the years you shared.

Excellent writing !

[Lady Jag]

Have I told you that your name has become a Democrat issue? LOL!

That is a beautiful letter; how could Michael ever think his dad didn't love him?

Thanks for the post; I'll be forwarding it to a few friends.

[Salvation]

**Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.**

This brings tears to my eyes, but it was me talking to my daughters about how I was treated as a child because my mother had been severely abused by her mother......dragged around by the hair and locked in closets for starters.

So I told my daughters that they had a chance to break this chain of abuse -- and they all have with God's guidance.

BTW, thanks for the ping!

[Salvation]

Great read here!

[litehaus]

"Losing a parent is an experience that has no comparison"

Accurate as far as it goes.........Having buried my first son, I can tell you there is worse pain.......

[litehaus]

"Losing a parent is an experience that has no comparison"

Accurate as far as it goes.........Having buried my first born son, I can tell you there is worse pain.......

[T Minus Four]

Ironically, this weekend will be an ordeal to get through, and is potentially a powder-keg ready to blow apart me and my parents.

Estranged from them for many years, peace at last and a degree of enjoyment in each others company, if not exactly "closeness".

But they are SCREAMINGLY liberal. They fly in tomorrow for a week's visit. Politics are agreed to be totally off the radar during our infrequent visits. Hubby and I will be quietly mourning our hero and biting our tongues constantly. One small misplaced word from them though, and "the dogs of conservative hell will be unleashed" (hubby's words).

And God help the liberal who invites an irate attack from him. He's loaded for bear and pretty much fed up right about now.

[Salvation]

so do you!

[Salvation]

Or having buried my husband.

Check my profile page for a link to grief recovery weekends in your area.

[Becki]

Savage read this tonight on his show. I got to hear it - before flipping him off when he called this a 'Soviet style show funeral'.

Funny. That is exactly what they were saying on the other site.

Becki