My apologies; I see you really were attacked by a mockingbird. I thought you were making a very dry "Steven Wright-ish" joke. (I'll be quiet and behave now) :-)
"I like to tease my plants. I water them with ice cubes."
And he had so many others that I like. Of course his matter-of-fact, deadpan delivery makes all the difference. And his hair! I loved his crazy hair.