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Queering the pitch for a single girl (too many gay guy friends means no lasting man for dingbat)
The Telegraph, London via SMH ^ | May 26, 2004 | Clare Coulson

Posted on 05/25/2004 8:43:52 AM PDT by dead

Clare Coulson thinks she has too many gay friends. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that they are blocking her path to romance.

There are women who have gay friends and there are those that don't. I have more gay friends than I know what to do with.

It all began when I worked on a glossy magazine where heterosexual men were as rare as split ends. The office was full of flamboyant, witty, entertaining gay men who quickly became close friends and allies. But six years on, for a girl working in the fashion industry, they are an occupational hazard.

While I love all my gay friends dearly, they are beginning to seriously threaten my chances of ever meeting a potential boyfriend. I am 31, I have been single for as long as I can remember and, if certain statistics are to be believed, my chances of meeting anyone to marry are getting slimmer.

It's no one's fault but my own, of course. I make absolutely no effort to meet potential boyfriends. Given the choice between a girls' night out, hitting bars and clubs, or a camp night out with my coterie of male friends, I take the latter every time.

Gay men are incredibly easy to be around. No one makes me laugh as much as they do - they will shamelessly discuss anything, cut to the chase on the most difficult subjects and are always, always totally honest.

The problem is that, on so many levels, my gay friends are too safe. Friendships with gay men never have tricky moments; gay friends won't care if you fancy them or not and, even if you do, there's nothing you can do about it. You don't have to worry about when to call them, because they will be thrilled to hear from you, any time, day or night.

Gay friends have all the best attributes of female friends: they are great fun, can talk endlessly about dating and will listen (properly) to whatever problem is up for discussion. There's no trace of the competitiveness that, although subtly played out, is usually rife in female friendships.

Gay friends can be like surrogate boyfriends. Earlier this year, I was invited to a fantastic restaurant with a group of people who were mostly strangers. I sat next to Ian, a charismatic, witty guy who flirted shamelessly with me for about two hours. He told me how fabulous he thought I was and gave me his number at the end of the evening.

It took a while to know for sure but, of course, he was gay. He called me first thing the next morning and then continued to call, text and email for days. I felt as though I had a fabulous new boyfriend. It was fun while it lasted, but it was no substitute for the real thing.

Being adored is an intoxicating thing. Gay men will hug and kiss you and make you feel as though they could, if only things were different, be your boyfriend - and however ridiculous this is, it's briefly reassuring for someone who is forever single. It's a welcome form of escapism. It's not that I even mind being single, but I cling to the idealistic and incurably romantic idea that, one day, I will just stumble into my soul mate. But if all this is not in the hands of the gods I am not helping the odds at all.

And when an interesting straight man does come along, it is difficult to shake off the way you behave around gay men. I am so used to being playfully blunt, sarcastic and slightly over the top that straight men usually get scared off pretty quickly. Camp is definitely contagious. But I wouldn't want a boyfriend who was simply a straight version of my friends; I can think of nothing worse than dating a metrosexual man who spends Saturdays cruising Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent and knows more about manicures than I do. Heaven forbid.

The most depressing thing - and I assure you I don't spend much time being unhappy about any of this - is that it's all just a bit of a waste.

So what's the solution? I've concluded that I need to give up my gay friends - or at least spend a lot less time with them. I have countless friends who have spent their 20s and 30s devoted to gay men, only to emerge on the wrong side of 40, alone and none too happy about it. I have told my friends that they have to go.

Of course, they are terribly understanding about it; they just want me to be happy.

And that's exactly why I know, deep down, that I'll never really be able to give them up.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; United Kingdom
KEYWORDS: dingbats; fashionindustry; homosexualagenda; metrosexuals; oldmaid; singles
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In America, the term is fag hag.
1 posted on 05/25/2004 8:43:53 AM PDT by dead
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To: dead
Tragic is the life of a fag hag.  Oh, sure, you're going to all the best clubs restaurants and galleries, but then there's all those funerals and discussions of AZT.  Guess it really doesn't even out in the end, eh, Babe?

Owl_Eagle

" WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
DIVERSITY IS STRENGTH"


2 posted on 05/25/2004 8:46:59 AM PDT by End Times Sentinel (FReep 'em all, let God sort 'em out.)
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To: dead
Gay men are incredibly easy to be around. No one makes me laugh as much as they do - they will shamelessly discuss anything, cut to the chase on the most difficult subjects and are always, always totally honest.

Those gay men, they are so great! What to say to this irrational confession? Fag hag indeed.
3 posted on 05/25/2004 8:48:08 AM PDT by Rummyfan
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To: dead

She's just looking for a sperm donor.


4 posted on 05/25/2004 8:48:10 AM PDT by Semper Paratus
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To: dead
I have no idea why I just spent 4 minutes reading this.

And yes "fag hag" is the term that comes to mind.

5 posted on 05/25/2004 8:50:00 AM PDT by Khurkris (Ranger On...revenge, grudge, payback...call it what you will. The knives are comin' out.)
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To: dead

Whoa. This story should be required reading. A woman I know failed to make this decision 15 years ago when she was about 34 years old.

She's still unmarried, though she really would like to do so (to a guy).


6 posted on 05/25/2004 8:50:59 AM PDT by fishtank
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To: dead

Well, I dunno - I had a girlfriend one time who had a bunch of gay friends and it didn't interfere with the relationship at all. Well, until she introduced me to Bruce, that is...


7 posted on 05/25/2004 8:52:08 AM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: dead

If a woman smokes cigarettes in England, is she a fag hag?


8 posted on 05/25/2004 8:52:55 AM PDT by fishtank
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To: dead

wah wah wah...

"Get Over It" - By the Eagles

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me"
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if I gave you some cash
The more I think about it, Old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't want to work, you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it
Get over it
If you don't want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, Get over it

It's like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass

Get over it
Get over it
All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it


9 posted on 05/25/2004 8:53:47 AM PDT by Johnny Gage (God Bless our Firefighters, Police, EMS, responders, and God Bless our Veterans)
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To: dead
It's no one's fault but my own, of course. I make absolutely no effort to meet potential boyfriends

My advice, lose the gay friends on nights out, go out with the girls, hang out where nice guys are: Golf courses/country clubs, ski lodges, camping etc.

10 posted on 05/25/2004 8:54:30 AM PDT by 1Old Pro
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To: dead
I am 31, I have been single for as long as I can remember

THERE'S her basic problem. Single at 31? Obsessed with having a relationship. Not a very enlightened modern female.

11 posted on 05/25/2004 8:55:06 AM PDT by EggsAckley ("people who go to the Supreme Court ought to interpret the Constitution as it is interpreted...")
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To: dead
I have countless friends who have spent their 20s and 30s devoted to gay men, only to emerge on the wrong side of 40, alone and none too happy about it.

What planet is this woman from?

12 posted on 05/25/2004 8:55:40 AM PDT by Tax-chick (GUNS - the anti-liberal!)
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To: Semper Paratus
She's just looking for a sperm donor.

I don't think so.

Rather, I think she's discovering that there's more to life than "fun nights out with safe friends." There's no "becoming one flesh" with these guys -- it's fun, but ultimately barren.

13 posted on 05/25/2004 8:56:06 AM PDT by r9etb
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To: dead
I am so used to being playfully blunt, sarcastic and slightly over the top that straight men usually get scared off pretty quickly.

Its funny how she thinks guys are "scared off" when actually they are sickened to the bone. If men want a girl like the one who married dear old dad its a good bet most peoples moms weren't fag hags who felt free to talk like a pervert. Men may settle for a loud rude perverted woman but they would rather not.

14 posted on 05/25/2004 8:57:20 AM PDT by normy (Just cause you think you can box, doesn't mean you're ready to climb in the ring with Ali.)
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To: Semper Paratus
She's just looking for a sperm donor.

Interesting, isn't it, that she talks a lot about what she wants, but little about what she has to offer (and what she does mention are negatives like being sarcastic and 'over the top'). I think you're right. She's not looking for a soulmate, or she'd be trying to make herself into someone attractive to such a soulmate. Instead, she just wants someone to 'fill' a void in her life.

As the saying goes: "I looked all over for the perfect man, and when I found him, he moved on - since he was looking for the perfect woman."
15 posted on 05/25/2004 8:57:31 AM PDT by Gorjus
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To: EggsAckley

Not to mention that she's hedging on whether she might have been married before the electroshock therapy ... "single for as long as I can remember" ? This reminds me of the heroine in "Sweet Home Alabama," who "forgot" she was married to the first guy until she was engaged to the second guy.


16 posted on 05/25/2004 8:57:43 AM PDT by Tax-chick (GUNS - the anti-liberal!)
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To: dead
It's all about maturity. She hides amongst the gays because she is afraid of the responsibility and risk of a real relationship.

Any guy that happens on a fag hag should run away. If she thinks gays are great to hang out with she does not want nor could she handle a real man. She still wants to deal with boys on a grade school level.

17 posted on 05/25/2004 9:01:50 AM PDT by hopespringseternal (People should be banned for sophistry.)
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To: dead
I've often thought about this myself from a male perspective, and someone sent me a quote from a recent "sports mailbag" column that this woman might want to remember . . .

"The girl of your dreams would never take you away from hockey. She would feed you one-timers on Lake Ontario 'til her arms fell off."

18 posted on 05/25/2004 9:05:32 AM PDT by Alberta's Child ("Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium . . . sed ego sum homo indomitus")
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To: Gorjus

19 posted on 05/25/2004 9:06:27 AM PDT by corkoman (Logged in - have you?)
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To: dead
to emerge on the wrong side of 40,

Hey!!!

20 posted on 05/25/2004 9:06:31 AM PDT by fml ( You can twist perception, reality won't budge. -RUSH)
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