Thanks. I hadn't heard of her before, so I figured she wasn't much of a threat.
Hi. My name is Randi... and I am a political Junkie
01.02.03
Hi... my name is Randi... and I am a Political Junkie.
It started innocently enough, in 1992 I followed the Clinton-Bush campaign. So I read Time and Newsweek some U.S. News and World Report. Next thing I knew I was reading the Sunday New York Times, and the Washington Post. Soon, it all became more frequent. Not Just the Sunday Times, but now, it was the dailies. The Boston Globe, The New York Post, The Daily News, The Tennesseen for God's Sake.
I started subscribing to the Nation, The National Review, and Free Republic... And, logging on for BUZZFLASH, Salon, Slate, Drudge Report. Doing Legislative Searches on the Internet, and writing Congressmen in and out of my district.
Whatever money I made it just seemed like it would pay for my fix of the National Journal and then that huge chunk of change for The Congressional Quarterly. I bought books about past presidents before I got a facial. Before I paid my bills, before I took care of my family or my hair.
Soon, I found myself isolated, sitting in my dark room alone, with newspapers spread out in front of me. I would look at all the news I spent all day SCORING and then, then came the cable channels. Brian Williams on MSNBC, Geraldo on CNBC, even grotesque Chris Matthews crept in. Fox News? It was like "straight to the vein".
My heart would race and my head would feel like it was exploding. I was sick, my body wracked with pain whenever I saw Sean Hannity. But I was hooked. I took the bait. I kept waiting for them to report so I could decide. It was such a good come on for a junkie like me. I bought it. OH I BOUGHT IT BIG.
I cut my hair like Paula Zahn, I felt like Laurie Dhue was my only real friend. I started putting on lip liner and lip gloss in her same shade "Terra Cotta and Coffee with a Nude Gloss finish.” I thought if I ever O.D.’d Brit Hume would be there for me. I was wrong. So dead wrong.
It's disgusting looking back now at the friends you keep when you are addicted (when you are a news junkie). Brit Hume, Tony Snow, Bill O'Reily... They are bad men. Very bad men. All they want is to get you into it. I call it "THE LIFE". They're dangerous. They distort your mind. They seem like they care about you getting the news, but really they just want their money and fix of Clinton.
Next thing you know you're FATIGUED all the time and still you can't get enough either. It was a dangerous spiral.
Downward.
Then came the grand daddy of them all. C-SPAN. The perverse channel that makes you feel insane the moment you do it. You feel it instantly. The loneliness, the isolation. You KNOW you're alone when you're doing C-SPAN. No one productive or personable wants to watch you do it to yourself. But you don't care. You get that sense that you are better than everyone else. That this designer drug is a slow comfortable screw that only you know about. You could try to get your friends into it, but they were the smart ones… They’d always say NO I won't go THERE.
So I stand before you today to declare that I am trying to save myself, my marriage, my relationship with Jessica. I will take it one day at a time. I will take it easy. I will work the programs so they don't work me. I will ask for serenity.
I can't say that I made it through the weekend. I waited until Jimmy fell asleep last night and I watched it--C-SPAN. I thought I could handle it. I really did. But this morning I watched Meet the Press, Face the Nation, and Late Edition with Wolfe Blitzer.
I sat in my house unwashed until noon. I feel ashamed...
More ashamed than Robert Byrd at a Hadassah Meeting. More ashamed than Bob Barr at an NAACP meeting. More ashamed than Nancy Regan dedicating a Nuclear Aircraft Carrier 15 years after the Cold War ended. More ashamed than Dick Cheney trying to explain the Clean Air Act at the Oil Barron's Ball. More ashamed than Lynne Cheney at NARAL meeting. More ashamed than George at a MENSA meeting. More ashamed than Laura Bush at Bersace's Milan Show. More ashamed than Trent Lott PERIOD.
I sat alone this morning in our marital bed chanting (low). Jim Nussle republican Iowa 6th Term Chairman of the House Budget Committee. Henry A Waxman, Democrat, California, Ranking member Henry A Waxman. Democrat, California, ranking member House Government Reform Committee, Henry Hyde Republican Committee on the Judiciary. John Conyers, Democrat, Michigan, Ranking member, House Judiciary Committee. E. Clay Shaw Jr. Republican, Florida subcommittee on Social Security.
Robert Byrd, Why? It's insidious… It just creeps up on you and you don't even know you're hooked like this. But then, you see a photo of yourself, or videotape or hear a recording of yourself, and you just feel embarrassed. I know that I will get better and be able to live a manageable life. BUT NOT WITH A BUSH IN THE WHITE HOUSE! (Can they read this?????)
Right now, I am craving handgun crime stats. Eminent Domain decisions from the last 50 years I want to be a part of the giant LEFT WING CONSPIRCACY.
Although... I am Glad that Laura Bush is in the White House... She believes that a child beginning at the very earliest age must be taught (how to respect the servants). What a great job she did with Jenna and the "other one". But by now I think the secret service must be used to those late night runs to the convenience store for beer, rolling papers, and condoms. Not to mention the boyfriend pick ups at the local county jail. But she tips well, though, as a liberal... I must observe that even when you are the progeny of a Patrician Dynasty there is certainly no excuse for not knowing how to hide your boozing.
GEORGE is a completely different matter. Did he really declare our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is finally over? I thought I heard that.
I MEAN here is a guy who thinks we should solve California's energy crisis by running an extension cord from Vegas. Guess Exxon's losing too much money on those free coffee refills. The only explanation we've gotten is that Clinton had no energy policy. Well then I guess the DRUNK MONEKYS that pick the daily oil prices have been in a bad mood since Bush came to town...
You know I think there's something going on that they don't want to tell us. I don't think Uncle Jed's "bubbling crude" has finally run dry--I think Bush and Cheney are spending all of it lubricating Strom Thurmond. And the rest of us be damned.
Now if we could just harness Maxine Waters or Gay Power we'd be good to get through the summer. I think.
Speaking of Cheney... why is he our Vice President? Did George get the idea while eating white bread? Did Cheney kill in the evening gown competition? Does he make a fabulous tuna casserole or something? How did Dick and Bush oh never mind... it's too obvious. Here is a man that every time he sits up on the gurney it costs another 3 billion dollars! President Bush says that the energy crisis is, and these are his words, "The result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of the generating plants."
You now realize why it took his father, his father's friends, the Florida Secretary of State, and the Supreme Court to pull this off. His entire life gives a new meaning to the phrase "assisted living".
But I know George thinks that what America needs is a taller pie and until I understand what that means... I will fight for some tender genius in American life to show up and save us from the Office of Total information Awareness.
Thank You.