Posted on 05/21/2004 1:24:18 PM PDT by COBOL2Java
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual...er...I mean Basic Training, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after Basic, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company."
I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working in construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So help me God.
I, Squid, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world. using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and ensignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." So help me Neptune.
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times besure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my "Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day.
I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. So help me God.
I, state your name, swear...uuhhhh... high-and-tight... cammies...uhh... ugh... Air Force women... OORAH!
So help me Corps.
Even the golf course sucks.
I'm not sure if it was the physical, but he couldn't join the Navy when he tried to enlist a few years ago; I'm not sure of the specific reason given for his rejection.
I'd be worried more about some of the health requirements.
I don't exactly have a compromised immune system, but I'm not sure that I'd be able to withstand an Anthrax or Smallpox vaccination.
That is what I entered the USAF to be but they forgot to tell me that they weren't accepting married candidates in 72.
I was mad at first but I got over it.
Basic training is only 6 weeks long. Advanced training is anywhere for 0 to 1 year or so. Go see a recruiter. I mean it. Got to run. Later.
They were a tough bunch. Their idea of fun was to go about 20 miles offshore at night and make a HALO jump into the Gulf of Mexico and swim back to base.
Generals are exalted creatures.
They dine on mead and honey.
Wherever he goes, a General is surrounded by a crowd of admiring, yapping staff officers.
BUT, on his back he carries a logistics officer, whom he hates and fears, for he knows that at any time the logistics officer can lean forward and whisper in his ear:
"You can't do that."
Occasionally a logistics officer is made a General.
He carries on his back a logistics officer whom he knows all too well.
That is why he can't enjoy his mead and honey.
This is not a common service joke, but I read it on a plaque in a General's office. A General who was also a logistics officer.
This one's just off the top of my head:
What do you call a great Israeli general who's an awful politician?
Prime Minister!
Okay, that one wasn't the greatest, but I'm sure I'll think of some better ones.
Reminds me of the time I was on Recruiting Duty,back around '76 or '77. The Uniform of the day was Winter "Blacks".
It was a cold winter day when I stopped in at my favorite lunch spot for a meatball samwich....they also served various spirits there BTW.
As I was trying to eat my meatball samwich without dripping too much tomato sauce on my "Blacks", the drunk next to me said,"Father,will you hear my confession?".
What else could I do....his sins didn't seem that bad, so I absolved him in order to finish my samwich.
In those days we wore "Salt and Peppers" in the summer when I was usually mistaken for a Parking Meter cop.
Now when I pulled into Wilhemshaven,Germany on board Nimitz and we wore the "Blacks",...Boy did we get some respect!
almost true Air Force oath..
Too funny!!...hahaha
by Bob Norris
Bob Norris is a former Naval aviator who also did a 3 year exchange tour flying the F-15 Eagle. He is now an accomplished author of entertaining books about US Naval Aviation including "Check Six" and "Fly-Off". Check out his web site at http://www.bobnorris.com/. In response to a letter from an aspiring fighter pilot on which military academy to attend, Bob replied with the following.
12 Feb 04
Young Man,
Congratulations on your selection to both the Naval and Air Force Academies. Your goal of becoming a fighter pilot is impressive and a fine way to serve your country. As you requested, I'd be happy to share some insight into which service would be the best choice. Each service has a distinctly different culture. You need to ask yourself "Which one am I more likely to thrive in?"
USAF Snapshot: The USAF is exceptionally well organized and well run. Their training programs are terrific. All pilots are groomed to meet high standards for knowledge and professionalism. Their aircraft are top-notch and extremely well maintained. Their facilities are excellent. Their enlisted personnel are the brightest and the best trained. The USAF is homogenous and macro. No matter where you go, you'll know what to expect, what is expected of you, and you'll be given the training and tools you need to meet those expectations. You will never be put in a situation over your head. Over a 20-year career, you will be home for most important family events. Your Mom would want you to be an Air Force pilot...so would your wife. Your Dad would want your sister to marry one.
Navy Snapshot: Aviators are part of the Navy, but so are Black shoes (surface warfare) and bubble heads (submariners). Furthermore, the Navy is split into two distinctly different Fleets (West and East Coast). The Navy is heterogeneous and micro. Your squadron is your home; it may be great, average, or awful. A squadron can go from one extreme to the other before you know it. You will spend months preparing for cruise and months on cruise. The quality of the aircraft varies directly with the availability of parts. Senior Navy enlisted are salt of the earth; you'll be proud if you earn their respect. Junior enlisted vary from terrific to the troubled kid the judge made join the service. You will be given the opportunity to lead these people during your career; you will be humbled and get your hands dirty. The quality of your training will vary and sometimes you will be in over your head. You will miss many important family events. There will be long stretches of tedious duty aboard ship. You will fly in very bad weather and/or at night and you will be scared many times. You will fly with legends in the Navy and they will kick your ass until you become a lethal force. And some days - when the scheduling Gods have smiled upon you - your jet will catapult into a glorious morning over a far-away sea and you will be drop-jawed that someone would pay you to do it. The hottest girl in the bar wants to meet the Naval Aviator. That bar is in Singapore.
Bottom line, son, if you gotta ask...pack warm & good luck in Colorado.
Banzai
PS Air Force pilots wear scarves and iron their flight suits.
Not in the AF I served in. I can promise you that. ;-)
This doesn't describe any AF pilot I ever saw. I had a hard time telling the pilots from the ground crews. The only difference was that the pilots wore funny green coveralls and helmets.
Of course, I only ever served on MAC bases, so all the pilots I knew were bus drivers and truck drivers.
I know. I got over being disqualified but it took a while
Do it dude!
Blackshirt beats brownshirt anyday.
Yea,though I walk through the valley of shadow death, I shall fear no evil. Cause I'm the meanest muthuaf*&ker in the valley!
Don't push that. The man lived it. Even though he is a good dad with grandkids, he means every word of that. In every day that he lives, behind that soft and loving man that he is, there is "the meanest muthuf#$er" in the valley, and he is that.
The Patriot!
Hence the wink in my response.
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