Posted on 05/10/2004 3:20:03 PM PDT by swilhelm73
Undisclosed Location, Afghanistan)-- Leaders of Al-Qaeda announced today that they are officially backing Massachusetts Senator John F. “Frenchy” Kerry in the 2004 United States presidential campaign.
“We examined very carefully the policies of the candidates of the two major political parties,” said Sheik Ali bin Mooqi, chairman of Al-Qaeda’s Committee for Jihad and Political Outreach, “And we determined that Senator Kerry’s policies are good for Al-Qaeda. We are especially impressed with Senator Kerry’s desire to let the United Nations take over the War Against Terror. Diplomatic dialogue is the terrorist’s best friend, and we are encouraged by Senator Kerry’s embrace of appeasement.”
Officials for Al-Qaeda say that they will spend a large amount of money on voter education programs, including the torture, kidnapping and execution of anyone opposed to Senator Kerry’s election. “We’ve also earmarked funds for ballot-stuffing,” said Mr. Mooqi. “As you can well imagine, Florida is a high priority.”
Speaking on condition of anonymity, a source close to the Kerry campaign told this reporter that Senator Kerry welcomes the support of Al-Qaeda and wants to make his campaign a “big-tent campaign even if some of his supporters want to burn down the tent. The Senator believes that cultural diversity is much more important than national security.”
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