Posted on 04/24/2004 3:46:43 PM PDT by quidnunc
It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!
You know, BLENDER?
So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.
Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.
Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)
But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:
1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.
-snip-
(Excerpt) Read more at startribune.com ...
The worst song ever isn't rock, it's country: "Teddy Bear" by Red Sovine.
OOO, that's a good one! Or a bad one. I mean... good pick... for this list.
It's hard to define "rock" because the played so much light rock crap on "rock" stations in years past. My pretty obvious choice for REALLY Bad Song is "Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band. But you could add in anything by Air Supply, Seals & Croft, Christopher Cross and all the other wussy-rockers played on the radio in the 70s and 80s.
I second that! Although "Midnight at the Oasis" could beat it by a hair. What horrible songs!
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/artsentertainment/2001909065_websong21.html
Rounding out the top 10: "Achy Breaky Heart," Billy Ray Cyrus; "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" Wang Chung; "Rollin',"
Limp Bizkit; "Ice Ice Baby," Vanilla Ice; "The Heart of Rock & Roll," Huey Lewis and the News; "Don't Worry Be
Happy," Bobby McFerrin; "Party All the Time," Eddie Murphy; "American Life," Madonna; and "Ebony and Ivory," Paul
McCartney and Stevie Wonder.
Other songs on the list: Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" (No. 22); Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love
of All" (No. 30); Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" (No. 39); Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" (No. 41); Simon &
Garfunkel's "The Sounds of Silence" (No. 42); The Beatles' "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" (No. 48); and Celine Dion's
"My Heart Will Go On" (No. 50).
Anyway, VH1 on May 12.
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