[Ichneumon]

Just remember the turtle moves.

BLASPHEMER! We StationaryTurtletarians denounce your cult of false prophets, and call upon the Great Tortuga to furiously smite those who would spread these heathen lies, and cast them into the Frogpond of Everlasting Fire(tm).

And please visit our website on "Scientific Turtleism", which has nothing whatsoever to do with our religious beliefs, honest, and is only a purely objective review of the overwhelming evidence for the existence of a giant Earth-supporting T*rtle, which cannot possibly be denied unless you're a deluded member of the vast antiT*rtle conspiracy.

[Junior]

One need only point out that modern religions are simply perversions of the one true religion, "Turtleism." For instance, the concept of "hell" as a region of the dead beneath our feet is simply a corruption of "shell" which, because of its relationship to both the Earth and the elephants, is also beneath our feet.

So, to the heretics, infidels and non-believers I say, "Go to Shell!"