Richard Clarke, Assistant Deputy Undersecretary of Phrenology
Background briefing via conference call
1500 hours ET 27 March 2004
CLARKE:
Let me begin saying I have six points, seven, seven points to make. I'll set them out and will take questions when I'm finished.First, let me clear up my marital status. I've been too busy to marry. As you recall former Attorney General Janet Reno was too busy to marry. I trust this will end the innuendo, no pun intended with inuendo. Uh, yes.
Two, I am not as some have said, was it Wesley Pruden or G. Gordon Liddy--doesn't matter--I am not a quote lying sack of crap end quote, so I trust we can put that to bed.
Third, I am the official who urged the bombing of the facility in Sudan in 1998. The popular notion that this was an aspirin factory is completely in error. I could tell by the expression on the face of the Sudanese ambassador that the real function of the plant was the manufacture of nerve gas.
Fourth, I briefed Condoleezza Rice on al Qaeda and I could tell by the expression on her face she had never heard of al Qaeda before.
Fifth, I briefed George Bush on the September 11 attack and he asked me to check whether Iraq was involved. I could tell by the expression on his face that he wanted to have me beaten by sweaty men in leather breeches.
Six, the rumor that the publication date of my book, Condi Rice and George Bush are Big Fat Idiots was NOT moved up to coincide with the Commission hearings.
And finally, my fawning letter of resignation was written with gritted teeth and the bile rising in my throat.
That's it. I'll take questions.
ANGLE:
Assistant Deputy Undersecretary Clarke, why did the Clinton Administration pass up four offers of bin Laden from Sudan and fail to kill bin Laden on the eleven Predator-Hellfire flights in September and October of 2000?
CLARKE:
Oh look at the time! Thank you for your attention. That will conclude this background briefing. Good Bye.