Vader 2004 (The case for electing Lord Vader in November)

The Dark Side ^

[mhking]

Had enough of traditional politicians? Even the best of them can be intimidated by the likes of Tom Daschle. The kind of tough, uncompromising leadership that the Free World requires likely only exists in the land of fictional characters.

Enter Lord Vader. It is impossible to imagine Lord Vader bending over backwards to a pipsqueak like Daschle. Rather if Daschle got out of line at a meeting, Lord Vader would simply use the Force to constrict his windpipe and achieve what had hitherto been considered impossible: he'd shut him up.

Based on the evidence provided by the films, we can further extrapolate the benefits of a Vader Presidency:

• Total Commitment in the War on Terror - we can presume from the destruction of Alderaan, and the elimination of the Rebel base on Hoth, that Lord Vader would take an aggressive approach to terrorists. Terrorist bases would be totally destroyed, and the military might get to use those really cool Imperial walkers in the process. Captured terrorists could expect to have their veins shot up with truth serum by sinister looking droids. And no matter where Osama was hiding, Lord Vader could use the power of the Force to strangle him to death.
• Smaller Government - at the beginning of Episode IV, we are informed that the Emperor has taken the bold step of eliminating the Senate, and thus a layer of expensive bureaucrats. Some people would pay real money to see the present United States Senate disbanded as blithely.
• Reduced Taxation - no one in the Galactic Empire is filling out forms for an Interstellar IRS, so far as can be seen. Besides, given Lord Vader's impatience in getting a Death Star built, he'd likely be so irritated by tax officers' incompetence, he'd strangle the lot.

• Ethical Use of Biotechnology - biotechnology in a Vader administration would only likely be used to produce clone warriors rather than create replacement body parts: indeed, Lord Vader didn't create a clone of himself so that he could have his body parts replaced, thus indicating a higher level of ethics about cloning than has hitherto been seen from many scientists.
• Strong Defence - the clone warriors would solve the problem of military recruitment, and furthermore, "Star Wars" research wouldn't stop until they'd developed a weapon to blow up a planet. As such, it's unlikely Middle Eastern terrorists would be inclined to mess with a President Vader.

It is clear that the benefits of a Vader Presidency outweigh the occasional "hostile takeover". It is also clear that few people in their right mind want to be President, as such, it may be time to draft someone who doesn't exist at all.

[mhking]

Just damn.

If you want on the list, FReepmail me. This IS a high-volume PING list...

[cyborg]

I am all for having James Earl Jones as president. ABK... anyone but Kerry.

[Fiddlstix]

ROFLMAO!
Good One!
LOL

[Rytwyng]

Don't forget concealed carry. Luke and Obi-wan walked into a bar with conceald light-sabers; everyone else seemed to carry blasters with no legal impediments. Guess the Empire wasn't so bad after all?

[I still care]

All you have to do is listen to Padme in "Clones" to see she is a democrat.

The reason they are so angry at the trade federation (Nute Gunray -Newt Gingrich) is because they won't pay their "fair share of taxes".

Liberal philosophy is all over the later Star Wars. Wrecks a perfectly good film.

[KarlInOhio]

VADER: I find your lack of campaign contributions disturbing.

[Xenalyte]

Liberal philosophy is all over the later Star Wars. Wrecks a perfectly good film.

When you say "later" films, I must ask to which ones you refer. The only good SW films were the first three released. All else has sucked, and I'm afraid will suck.

[CzarNicky]

I'm still backing Governor Tarkin.

[atomicpossum]

Liberal philosophy is all over the later Star Wars. Wrecks a perfectly good film.

I don't think it started out that good....

[dr_who_2]

Lando C. was an honest business man (mostly), and he had a lot of trouble with the empire, including Vader. The way I see it, the author's gone a little round the bend.

[Fedora]

"Oh [sniff!]--I'm afraid that our MOABs will be fully operational when your jihadist friends arrive."

[tiamat]

LOL!

Why settle for the lesser of two evils?

[weegee]

Here's a Rat impersonating Vader...

"Oooze the force..."

[weegee]

I saw the first (original) film is the only one to watch anymore. It has a near conclusion. If you stick around to watch "Empire" you are left with a definite series of cliffhanger endings.

If you watch "Return" you are stuck at the end with all those Ewoks.

The new "first" trilogy blows partially because it basically is the story arch of Young Hitler. We see the evil dictator at first as a small child (who must win the race to "save the farm", an ages old movie plot if there ever was one).

In the second film he experiences young growing pains as he comes closer to his love interest (just how did you think his daughter got to be "Princess" Leia?).

The third film will be him converting over to the "dark side".

Maybe if Lucas went back on his word (which he already went back on) and DID make the final trilogy (taking place after Return) there could be a more satisfying conclusion to this series.

For me I'll leave my viewing experience to the first one from now on.

Expect these films to be sold as a set (like the Indiana Jones films were) so that as a consumer you have to "accept" all of them (and pay for all of them).

Lucky for me I have laserdisc (also lucky since the DVDs will probably be the bastardized "Greedo shoots first" remastered editions).

[StriperSniper]

Lucky for me I have laserdisc

Wow! I remember a week long party one of the girls from the crowd had 20 years ago. She had that one, Jaws, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and one we didn't watch. They were just played over and over as long as someone was awake. Ahhhh teenage life.... :)