Mr Right is no longer good enough for uptown girls

Sydney Morning Herald ^ | 3/25/04 | Miranda Devine

[qam1]

It's little wonder many women are single when they expect Mr Absolutely Perfect, writes Miranda Devine.

If you ever suspected men haven't a chance in the dating game against today's picky uber-femme, here's some evidence, from last week's New York magazine relationships advice column, The Help Desk.

"I go on this great first date and we decide to share a cab home - separate stops. When we get in, he buckles his seatbelt! I know that's a wise thing to do, so I feel like a jerk saying this, but it totally turned me off. It just seemed so kid-like and lame. Is he too much of a weenie for me, or am I out of my mind?" wrote Unrestrained Lady,

Upper West Side.

To the uninitiated, Unrestrained Lady may seem like a neurotic aberration. But ditching men because they fail to measure up in some infinitesimal way has been a staple gag in real-life single girl chats for years. We all know Ascham women who won't go out with men who don't drive brand cars or didn't go to a "brand" school. Or the woman who instantly went off a man she had been crazy for because he turned up at her front door wearing a plaited belt. In the days before e-tags, another felt her stomach turn when her date fumbled with the bridge toll. These are usually not just excuses to jettison an unsatisfactory male, but genuine reasons for spontaneous revulsion.

On this week's episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte complains how "lame" her date that night had been because he gave her carnations, "filler flowers". Carrie, the series heroine, says she doesn't mind carnations but would dump a boyfriend "for wearing Topsiders or Docksiders" shoes. Carrie's horrified (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend, Berger, listening to the exchange, says: "So basically guys are just f---ed."

Basically, yes.

As Bureau of Statistics figures show, Australians are more likely than ever to remain single, and we see the advent of the single-and-proud "quirky alone", the increasing numbers of young women who are questioning whether they need a man to be happy or if it's all too much trouble.

Recent revelations of alleged sexual assaults by sportsmen, as well as an apparent surge of perceived workplace sexual harassment, indicates something is going seriously wrong between the sexes. Perhaps the rational reaction for women has been to opt out of the dating game. Or maybe they have become so hypercritical the only men who can match their sensibilities are the gay men who remodel bachelors in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Yvonne Allen, who has run her dating agency for 30 years, says relationships have never been more complicated. "We now have so many options ... and increasingly demanding wishlists." She sees high-achieving women making judgements about prospective partners "on the most superficial basis", and sometimes has to tell them to "look in the mirror".

A 2002 survey for Diet Coke found more than half of single women aged between 18 and 39 had not been on a first date in six months. Almost one-third of those polled decided whether they wanted to see a man again within the first 10 minutes of a date, and many believed "all the good men are taken".

But the famous man shortage is a myth. According to Bernard Salt, KPMG demographer and author of The Big Shift, there is actually a glut of never-married single men aged 25 to 34 in Australia: 727,000, compared with just 568,000 women. That's a ratio of 1.3 to 1.

"There is enough product on the shelves," Salt said yesterday. "It's just that many are not meeting quality control standards."

Women are still captive to what Salt calls "hypergamy" - the practice of marrying into an equal, or preferably more prestigious, social group.

In 1971 women used to get married at 21. The average age of today's bride is 29, and yet women still expect to marry a man two years older.

Female hypergamy, or pernicketiness, means the proportion of never-married women aged 25 to 34 doubled to 40 per cent in five years from 1986 to 1991. In Sydney, 41 per cent of women 25 to 34 have never married, exactly the same proportion as exists in New York. But in South Sydney, the heartland of the Manolo Blahnik lifestyle, the figure is a staggering 69 per cent, almost the same as Greenwich Village's 70 per cent.

Sydney's bachelor hotspot, Salt found after crunching census data, is Pyrmont, with 1.8 never-married men for every woman. The equivalent suburb for single females is Rozelle, so Salt has dubbed the Anzac Bridge which connects the suburbs as the "Bridge of Love".

Fussiness isn't all bad, of course. It can make for better choices. Salt says we should feel sorry for the 21-year-old baby-boomer bride of 1971 who married the first man she met after school. He calls them "the duped generation", the youngest brides in Australia's history, sold the line they would be "on the shelf" at 22.

Today's bride has had at least a decade of comparison shopping to develop a discerning taste in men. But, increasingly, men just don't measure up. Salt says when women "raise the bar" men morph into the new creature required by the market. In the early 1990s they became SNAGs (sensitive new age guys) in response to complaints they weren't considerate enough.

But the SNAG was a turn-off because he was a wimp. So, says Salt, men rebadged as metrosexuals, a narcissistic, arrogant version who says, "Up yours, I'm important", which isn't exactly a recipe for harmony between the sexes.

Allen says the good news is that today's teenagers are more inclined to view the opposite sex as friends rather than alien creatures. But Salt's ruthless demographics suggest women are going to become more picky than ever, as generation Y's baby bust leads to a shortage of eligible women. He says every 100 men born in 1981 will have to compete for just 80 women. "Young women can afford to be a little arrogant about the market."

So buckle up those seatbelts, boys. Or maybe not.

[Devil_Anse]

Hmmm. Hey--here's an idea: maybe people should spend a little more time trying to adapt to reality, instead of wasting so much time trying to get reality to adapt to them.

[CalKat]

The article discussing "never married" statistics.

[Betis70]

Interesting articles. I might have to give his ideas a try, since my normal routine isn't working.

[Buffalo Bob]

I did the Philippine route. Gorgeous women

Me too, I eventually married a Filipina I met while on business there years ago. There is just no comparison with what I had been used to here. If I'd only known about them gals years ago, I would have saved years of futile effort.

[weegee]

I have not read all of the responses on this thread so excuse me if this has already been posted...

---

A new Husband Shopping Center opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men for her husband. It was laid out with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find a husband.

First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up".

So up they go. Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?

Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! say the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!" And up they go.

Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."

"Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!" say the women.

So up to the fifth floor they go.

The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are never satisfied."

[philetus]

ted thread posted right now about how hard it is for women to find a man.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1104424/posts

[Mark17]

If I'd only known about them gals years ago, I would have saved years of futile effort.

I agree. Unfortunately, most of us are old too soon, and wise too late. Mine is several decades younger than me, but hey, whose counting?

[sharktrager]

I once read a personals ad that had the title "Top 1% seeking Top 1%"

I replied...

and told her that no-one in the "top 1%" would EVER refer to themselces as such, because it is obnoxious and crass.

[NYC GOP Chick]

LOL! Looks like another meeting of the He-Man Woman-Haters Club is in session. :D

[hilaryrhymeswithrich]

We Freeped the antiwar crowd last weekend. Besides the usual spoiled, middleclass white college kids eager to appear to be capable of something (of what I'm not sure) there were the usual boomer hippy-types.

One aged boomer/hippy wanted to debate endlessly with me. After a few minutes he said, "Why don't you want to hear the other side?"

I said, "Hey man, I was raised by hippy liberals and I hear your side every Thanksgiving and I don't agree!"

It became clear to me that there is this contingent of liberal boomer clearly facing an ugly crisis. They feel useless and old and fearful of their march toward another phase in life. They are willing to join communists and socialisits in an effort to recapture a time in their lives in which they felt useful and empowered.

[Centurion2000]

bump :)

[weegee]

There are some people who are so desperate for companionship that they are rarely out of a relationship for 5 days. They may date the same person for 2 years but complain if they go one week without a partner (and not just the sex).

I find it very hard to believe that any of these relationships are really "the one" although they all seem to be serviceable. It seems like so little decision in the matter other that "you're available...".

[hosepipe]

(secret);
Dr. Lauras book. "The proper care and feeding of Husbands"
Has all the proper answers to this article..
This book incredibly credible, and I'm a MAN.. The last word on men and women.
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" merely scratched the surface..

[weegee]

Love the women, don't love the baggage some bring with them (former drug addiction, sudden divorce, 10+ years of promiscuity...).

[hosepipe]

I would to see a thread on that book... would be interesting.

[NYC GOP Chick]

In NYC, a normal straight guy with a decent paycheck can have the pick of the litter of these insane sex and the City skanks. However, they are only good for one thing and are not marriage material. If a guy wants a superficial relationship, they're not a bad option, just make sure you treat them badly more often than you treat them nicely. I actually feel sorry for them, to some extent.

You don't by any chance have some, er, issues with women, do you?
< /snicker>

[weegee]

It became clear to me that there is this contingent of liberal boomer clearly facing an ugly crisis. They feel useless and old and fearful of their march toward another phase in life. They are willing to join communists and socialisits in an effort to recapture a time in their lives in which they felt useful and empowered.

Hey they haven't seen many of those communists in 30 years; it's a longtime homecoming, that's all.

[twigs]

If my daughter were 10 years older, I'd nudge her your way. She has a hard time finding dates too. She's shy about meeting men, but will someday make a great wife.

[NYC GOP Chick]

Me, I am 36 and only date women 23-27. I like it that way.

So do we women over the age of 27!