Kerry meets his master

John Kerry's exaggerations have been getting him into trouble of late, so operatives within the Democratic party sent him away for a weekend seminar with the master: Bill Clinton.

"All I said was that I've met foreign leaders who want me to be president, and those dirty Republicans had to go and attack me with the facts," said Kerry. "Who cares if the facts show I wasn't in any cities where foreign leaders actually were!"

"I'm with you, Johnny," said Clinton. "You're running for president, not testifying before a judge."

"And so what if I said Republicans are the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen. Hey, I'm trying to win the favor of the people here. I'm trying to win an election. If I don't persuade people to think that Bush is the one telling mistruths, then they'll never elect me to the presidency!"

"God, how I miss the primaries. I was flawless. I sat back and let Howard Dean make all the gaffes, but now I am on the firing line, Bill. They're coming at me hard now. The only way I can win is if I master the art of the mistruth! Can you teach me?"

"I'll do my best," said Clinton. "But let's just hope you're a better student than Al was."

"OK, in order to master the art of mistruth, you must follow some basic rules. Let me start by posing this question: What is the nature of truth?"

"Truth? I'm a Democrat running for president. What would I know about the truth?"

"Very good, Johnny. You've already mastered our first lesson, which is this: the truth is the very first thing one must abandon to be effective in the art of exaggeration."

"Let me ask you, Johnny. If a man is convicted of a crime he did not commit, wouldn't he proclaim his innocence with great energy and passion?"

"Absolutely, and in the process he would make a convincing case for his innocence!"

"Precisely, Johnny. So for a man to be persuasive, he must have the same vigor when he speaks mistruths as an innocent man would have when he is proclaiming the truth!"

"That is my point," said Clinton. "A man must abandon the truth entirely, so that he doesn't know when he isn't telling it. Only then will he be able to convince himself that all things he utters are truthful."

"That's awfully clever, Bill. Can you now tell me what I need to know to distort Bush's record? The unfortunate fact is that the economy is good and growing. Many companies expect to hire in the second quarter, which will be bad for me. And even though people are divided on Bush's handling of domestic issues, the vast majority think he's an effective and trusted leader."

"Yes, the facts do not bode well for you, Johnny. That is why consistency is one of the most important principles you must master when you attempt to distort Bush's record through exaggeration and mistruth."

Found this letter composed to Clinton, thought I would take this opportunity to pass it on.

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had reall y planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college.

3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex.

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.

6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fun d raising.

7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4
imprisonments from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.

8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips. It seems you have been campaigning for Secretary General of the United Nations since your reelection in 1996.

9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars--- I
really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned dollar than jet fuel for all of your globe-trott ing. I understand you, your family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration. Good luck on your continued campaign to be King of the world.

10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society.

11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends."

12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you!

13. And, please ensure tha t Hillary enjoys the $8
million dollar advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay?

14. The last and most important point - thank you for
forcing Israel to let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners." However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted" that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later
reports. Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth?

What a guy!! If you agree that the American public must be made aware of these facts, pass this on.

God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally.

SINCERELY,
A US Citizen
PS. Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for
"inventing" the Internet, without which I would not be able to send this wonderful factual e-mail.

AND THE REST OF THE STORY Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under the "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets reelected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. < BR>(Would it not be nice if all Americans were pension eligible after only 4 years?)
If Bill outlives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE
dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary outlives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!
It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense. Here is where it becomes interesting.
Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.
The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, which is just about equal to their mortgage payment. This means that we, the taxpayers, are paying the Clinton's salary, mortgage, transportat ion, safety and security, as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff-and, this is all perfectly legal!

When she runs for President, will you vote for her?
How many people can YOU send this to?
Good Luck to all our taxpayers”

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