Tearaway Burkas & Tinplate Menorahs

Mother Jones ^ | 03/01/2004 | Al Franken

[My Dog Likes Me]

-Start of Excerpt-

I never served in our nation's armed forces. I was of draft age in 1973, and the Selective Service felt, in their wisdom, that it was more important for me to complete my undergradutate education so I could prepare for my chosen profession-comedian.

Three decades later, I was asked to give back, by going on a USO tour in 1999 to, among other places, Bosnia and Kosovo. It changed my view of the military. I returned home with nothing but admiration for our troops and their leaders. That's what happens when you go on a USO Tour. There's no way around it.

So, this article - about my recent tour to Iraq and Afghanistan - is not going to be what you might expect from me or this magazine.

-End of Excerpt-

[My Dog Likes Me]

I know it might be odd to see an Al Franken article from Mother Jones in the Free Republic, but this is the most touching and well-written article that I've read about the war. As expected, Franken speaks of his opposition to GWB, a little bit, but this 5,000 word article is about the troops, and his affection for them.

If you can't access it easily here, try code MJ4304 in the appropriate "subscriber" space on the Mother Jones website. Well worth it. Let me know what you think.

[My Dog Likes Me]

Correction!

If you get a "code not valid" pop-up, disregard it and click into the March/April 2004 issue of MJ. To arrive at Franken's article, look over to your left sidebar and click "current issue." Scroll down to "1) Read it online" and punch in MJ4304.

Worth the effort.

[Jewels1091]

That's only HALF the article, you have to have another code to read the rest!!!!!

[NYCVirago]

It was about the least annoying, most interesting thing Al Franken's ever written. But he's still not funny.

[Drammach]

MotherJones.com / News / Feature

Tearaway Burkas & Tinplate Menorahs
What happens when you throw together a liberal comedian, a flag-waving country star, two Redskins cheerleaders, three hip-hop divas, and thousands of war-weary troops? A roudy, randy, all-American good time.

Al Franken
March/April 2004 Issue

I never served in our nation's armed forces. I was of draft age during the Vietnam War, in college from 1969 to 1973, and the Selective Service people felt, in their wisdom, that it was more important for me to complete my undergraduate education so I could prepare for my chosen profession—comedian.

Three decades later, I was asked to give back—by going on a USO Tour in 1999 to, among other places, Bosnia and Kosovo. It changed my view of the military. I returned home with nothing but admiration for our troops and their leaders. That's what happens when you go on a USO Tour. There's no way around it.

So, this article—about my recent tour to Iraq and Afghanistan—is not going to be what you might expect from me or from this magazine. As you probably know, I've been very critical of our current president, whom I consider arrogant, dishonest, petulant, and not a teeny bit stupid. And I've been critical of the hubris that led us into the war in Iraq, particularly the way it misled the American people, isolated us from most of the rest of the world, and seemed to plan for nothing other than a best-case scenario once we arrived.

Nevertheless, this is a story of a traveling troupe of "show folk" humbly doing our best to bring a little joy, laughter, music, and Christmas cheer to the men and women who bear the burden of this administration's policies. As I said to every soldier who thanked me for coming, "It's my honor."

And a talented group of show folk we were. The Army band—every one a brilliant musician. Top country artists—Mark Wills, who had the No. 1 country hit "Nineteen Something" (okay, I've never heard it either—but he's huge), and Darryl Worley, who wrote his No. 1 single "Have You Forgotten?" after visiting our troops in Afghanistan in 2002. If you listen to the lyrics (which evidently a lot of idiots do not), "Have You Forgotten?" is an emotional and somewhat jingoistic call of support for Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan and not an explicit call for the war in Iraq.

Nevertheless, Darryl does support Operation Iraqi Freedom wholeheartedly, and he told me on the last day of our trip that he'd become incensed when he first heard I was on the tour because he'd been looking forward to eight days when he didn't have to defend his position. He sees these USO Tours as a kind of vacation from controversy, and now he thought he was going to have to debate me the whole eight days.

When Darryl told me this, I asked if he'd been worried I'd start the show in Baghdad like this: "Your president lied to you, and you are dying for no reason!!! Ladies and gentlemen, Darryl Worley!"

Darryl howled. He is a hilarious guy, and I have to say, we laughed our way through Southwest Asia. I love the guy.

There were other self-proclaimed "rednecks." Darryl and Mark brought their guitarists, their mutual road manager, and personal manager. There was also Bradshaw, the World Wrestling Entertainment star from Texas, who is nowhere near as stupid as he likes to make out.

So, we had a Rednecks vs. the New York Jews dynamic set up. Which meant constant good-natured shit flying back and forth. With me, there was my brother, Owen, who was the trip's photographer; former Saturday Night Live writer Andy Breckman, who was writing the comedy portions of the show with me; and Steve Kurtz, manager of No Illusion, a three-gal "urban" singing group who are beautiful and sing like angels. They're young—19, 20, and 22—and given my rule that I don't allow myself to be sexually attracted to women younger than my daughter, I behaved paternalistically toward No Illusion. That was not entirely true with the two Washington Redskins cheerleaders. No USO Tour is complete without NFL cheerleaders, and the Redskins sent two, Kelley and Katie Cornwell, whom the troops seemed happier to see than me. As I told the soldiers, "I don't know how you guys do it for nine months. I've been over here a week, and the first thing I'm going to do when I get home is have sex with my wife—while thinking about the cheerleaders. Not so different from you guys, except I won't be alone."

I acted as co-emcee with Karri Turner, the attractive blond star of the popular CBS show JAG, which I'd never seen, but which is carried by the armed forces network and is very popular with the soldiers. So, our traveling troupe of show folk included musicians, composers, an actor, a writer, a comedian, singers, and dancers. My wife said to me before I left, "You don't see Bill O'Reilly doing a USO Tour."

"That's not fair, honey. O'Reilly has no talent."

Al Franken was part of the writing staff that created Saturday Night Live, where he won five Emmys. His book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them spent six weeks at No. 1 on the New York Times best-seller list.

[Drammach]

Just in case that gets "yanked", here's the link:

http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2004/03/02_400.html

[kcvl]

Al Franken is mentally ill. I wouldn't trust him near the troops or civilization. He is mean, hateful and not funny.

[Drammach]

I couldn't agree more..

I dislike him as well..
I think he is a smarmy, egotistical little "prig".(sp?)
And, he's a lifelong commie, which deserves prison time IMHO...

I simply provided a link and text of the article for the original poster.. nothing more..

Those who are interested in reading it, or commenting on it, are free to do so..
Just don't read anything into my providing the text / link..
There are no hidden messages in my action..

[kcvl]

I didn't mean that to YOU PERSONALLY. Sorry!

[My Dog Likes Me]

Thanks.
I thought it was a nice article. There are six very good photos in the hardcopy that don't show up on the 'net version.

[Drammach]

I too am sorry if I took your comment wrong..

The printed word leaves a lot to be desired sometimes.
The nuance is lost..

[My Dog Likes Me]

My opinion of Franken stems more from his very funny appearances on "Saturday Night Live" in the 1970's. He has a harsh opinion about the administration, so I approached this article with some hesitation.

But again, you gotta read it. It melts your heart.

[watchin]

My wife said to me before I left, "You don't see Bill O'Reilly doing a USO Tour."

"That's not fair, honey. O'Reilly has no talent."

I guess I don't get it. If talent is a factor, what's Franken doing over there?

Neither O'Reilly or Franken are comedians. Only one of them knows this.