Canada: 'Bankrupt' Forces May Shut 5 Bases (Their MILITARY is BANKRUPT!?)

The National Post ^ | February 24, 2004 | Chris Wattie

[optimistically_conservative]

do you think it will be Germany, France or the US who will volunteer to help you resist the Tuvaluan hordes?

France! France, please! Let's watch them go broke next. All the evil leftist empires should fall in my lifetime.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

It proves one thing. Canada doesn't really believe that America is a Fascist nation. Think about it.

If you actually had a fascist nation with a huge, nearly unstoppable armed forces next door wouldn't you be building UP your military?

Instead Canada is so close to defenseless that it isn't funny. Shouldn't they be worried that that big ol' mean USA is going to invade and take their oil?

But they're not. Makes you think.

[albertabound]

Yes, bring your woolies, it can still be a little cool in early May.

[wtc911]

Just don't get sick...the wait to see the doctor will kill you....that is not hyperbole.

[optimistically_conservative]

Ottawa (SatireWire.com) - Embarrassed Canadian generals today conceded an overzealous officer defied orders and started fires in Quebec to shroud the eastern seaboard in smoke before Canada had finished preparing its full-scale invasion of the United States.

   Canadian smokescreen blinds eastern U.S. (Source: NOAA)

As a result, the classic war maneuver of blinding the enemy in advance of an attack - the smoke now blankets American skies as far south as Washington, D.C. - was wasted, said Canada's Defence Chief, Lt. Gen. Ray Henault.

"We were supposed to line up on the border, then start the fires," said a clearly disheartened Henault. "It's not like we can do it again. They'll know it's us. I had a cute little house in the Poconos all picked out, too."

However, several members of Canada's Parliament were furious, and demanded to know why, despite decades of secret planning, the invasion forces were not ready. In response, Deputy Prime Minister John Manley explained that the Canadian military was waiting for approval.

"Whenever we engage in a military operation, and certainly one of this magnitude, we look to our U.S. allies for guidance," said Manley.

"But... but we were going to invade the U.S.," said Toronto MP Tony Ianno.

"Oh, ah," said Manley.

With the botched invasion now public, Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien scrambled to diffuse anger in Washington. Fortunately, his explanation to President Bush has so far succeeded in deflecting American ire. "He told me the smoke wasn't from Quebec," said Bush. "He said it was from al Quebec. Damn, those guys are everywhere."

Despite the lack of surprise, many Canadians have urged the military to push on, arguing that if they can't take the U.S. by force, they can at least sneak into Detroit and take back the Stanley Cup. Gen. Henault, however, urged restraint, noting that Canada has only 70,000 people in its armed forces, while the U.S. has 2 million. That revelation raised eyebrows among several MPs.

"So, if we are short by about 1.9 million soldiers, how, exactly, were we going to pull this invasion off?" asked Ontario MP John Godfrey. "Were we just going to use smoke?"

"And mirrors," said Henault. "Lots and lots of mirrors."

"Well, like I said, the plan wasn't finished," he added.

Meanwhile, Stan Keyes, MP for Hamilton West, suggested Canadians use the ash cover to hide from Washington until relations return to normal. Godrey, however, argued such an effort was unnecessary. "We're in Canada," he said. "Most Americans can't find us now."

[jackbill]

The Canadian defense(?) budget is about $13 billion (Canadian). The Canadian GDP is about $1 trillion (Canadian).

If the United States had a defense budget equivalent, with our $11 trillion GDP, our defense budget would be aboooot $140 billion. It's actually closer to $400 billion.

Face it. The Canucks depend on us defending them.

[optimistically_conservative]

Free firewood.

[quadrant]

Maybe John Kerry could migrate to Canada, become a citizen, and then run for Prime Minister? I'm certain he'd be right at home.

[Conservateacher]

Are you still whining about the pig? If the pig hadn't dug up the farmers garden we wouldn't have attacked!

HA,ha.

[albertabound]

It won't happen, The generals are sticking it up the libs a**es for military spending cutbacks and for squandering taxpayers dollars on meaningless social programs. They are making a big point at election time and they have succeeded big time.

[optimistically_conservative]

I don't believe that would be very American, eh?

Take off hoser. I don't need you tuquing my underpants, eh?

[optimistically_conservative]

We should invade and annex them.

Naw, just invade and occupy. Then build a big concrete wall/fence between us and them. Let's not give them voting privileges.

[albertabound]

The battle of San Juan Island was a stand off and we kept the pig.

[rickmichaels]

...a funding shortfall of up to half a billion dollars...

That's about $134.73 in Monopoly money.

[albertabound]

B*ll sh*t, my Dad and his brothers were killing Germans while you guys were twiddling your thumbs in both world wars.

[buccaneer81]

We will not be able to meet our domestic defence obligations," one naval officer said

They haven't been able to do that for 35 years. They hate us and we protect them because of their proximity to us.