Posted on 02/14/2004 10:10:22 AM PST by Columbine
American talk-show host Conan O'Brien turned out to be Conan the Barbarian on his road show into Canada this week. His NBC program threw oil and matches down our national fault line Thursday night with crude jokes about French Canadians.
The show featured a puppet called Triumph the Insult Dog, which wandered around Quebec City's winter carnival, sporting a French beret. It stopped Quebecers in the street and said stuff like: "So you're French and Canadian, yes? So you're obnoxious and dull?"
Also: "You're in North America. ... Learn the language!"
Thanks for the insults, Conan. Somehow you forgot to step on Quebec's flag or make any frog jokes. I guess your show's "comedy" writers weren't up to date on their stereotypes.
O'Brien was in Toronto to help "save" the city from the tourism crisis caused by SARS, but he managed to fan a national crisis instead. Ottawa politicians were in damage mode all day yesterday, denouncing Conan's remarks - the first time NDP leader Jack Layton and Conservative leadership candidate Stephen Harper have ever agreed on anything.
On the plus side, Conan did save Don Cherry from all the flak he's been getting for his latest bit of franco-bashing. Compared with Conan, Cherry suddenly looks like an intellectual.
Next time Conan comes to Canada we should put him on a seven-second delay instead of Cherry. Or a 24-hour delay.
The "funniest" thing about O'Brien's show is the federal and Ontario governments poured $1 million of our tax dollars into the visit. This for a late-night U.S. show that only gets 3 million viewers, mostly college sophomores who like jokes about beer and burps.
O'Brien is a Harvard graduate, but he's been doing high school jokes about Canada on his show all week, slaying young Torontonians with moose, mountie and igloo routines, followed by the tasteless Quebec skit. Given the outcry yesterday, Conan will probably go home convinced we Quebecers are a humourless winter people who can't take a joke.
But I wonder how he'd feel if we let Canada's Insulting Beaver Puppet loose on U.S. TV to yuk it up about Sept. 11. We all have our raw nerves and O'Brien just hit ours. Where will this loose Conan take his show next? Maybe Ireland, where he could try out his Catholic-Protestant jokes?
The worst part is this was already a politically charged week with Quebec and Canada facing off over the Cherry incident. Then came the Alphonso Gagliano scandal, which ticked off many English Canadians who think Ottawa throws away too much money by pandering to Quebec. Then came O'Brien's remarks, which will probably set off another English-French feud. I don't want to be a conspiracy theory nut, but why is this happening at the same time? Military leaders say: "Once is incidence, twice is coincidence, and three times is enemy action."
So is someone secretly behind this trouble, an enemy of Canada trying to get under our national skin and put an end to our current linguistic calm? Who gains by hurting Canada? Is this another Al-Qa'ida plot to pay Canadians back for Afghanistan? Could this be some Jacques Parizeau scheme?
No, I have a better theory.
For the last two years we Canadians have become more and more distant from a U.S. run by George W. Bush. We've proposed legalizing pot laws and gay marriage. We've refused to fight in Iraq. We've become so anti-Bush a poll in last week's Maclean's magazine found only 15 per cent of Canadians would vote for him as a leader.
Could it be that our growing U.S. criticism has set the Bush government out for revenge? Do the Americans secretly want to split up our two solitudes so they can pick up the pieces? Could the last week's events be part of a CIA plot to grab our oil, lumber, water and snow? Or our few remaining hockey stars?
I don't want to be paranoid, but is Conan O'Brien a CIA operative? Is his Insulting puppet a puppet of the CIA?
Fellow Canadians - English and French alike - don't be duped by this Yankee scheme to divide and conquer our country.
Let's resist the urge to get angry at each other and try to stay calm. We Canadians have enough problems of our own - we don't need foreigners to create more.
josh_freed@hotmail.com
Does anyone know the details?
Well there's the time the Molson truck broke down on the way to the package store. A serious tragedy on their scale of things.
Wish I'd said that.
Execellent post.
CBC puts Cherry on 7-second delay (Sports commentator smacked for calling French wimps)
Harold Redekopp, the executive vice-president of CBC Television, says the network will put Cherry on a seven-second delay after he made "inappropriate and reprehensible personal" comments during the broadcast on Jan. 24.Ron MacLean and Don Cherry on Coach's Corner (file photo)
During the first period intermission Cherry spoke out about players wearing visors on their helmets. In full flight he said, "most of the guys that wear them are Europeans or French guys ..."
I thought this may have been the singer Don Cherry.
That is an extremely astute observation.
Could it be that our growing U.S. criticism has set the Bush government out for revenge? Do the Americans secretly want to split up our two solitudes so they can pick up the pieces? Could the last week's events be part of a CIA plot to grab our oil, lumber, water and snow? Or our few remaining hockey stars?I don't want to be paranoid, but is Conan O'Brien a CIA operative? Is his Insulting puppet a puppet of the CIA?
Photo of the author:
Ha ha Ha, I really like this guy and the way he gave it to the Canucks.
They aren't fans of the French speaking cajuns of Southern Louisiana either.
Maybe that's why the French hate America so, Napoleon sold much of it to cover debts.
If they don't want to receive terrorist strikes, they may be trying to distance themselves from George W. Bush.
I think that Triumph's response was "You're French-Canadian? That means you are obnoxious and no speeky English!"
There are plenty of people in America who give their money to Michael Moore for just that reason.
The genuine Canadian person Tom Green does this to EVERYONE too. Or don't they remember that homegrown clown?
I guess that Canada forgot about him and his testicular cancer. Cancer that he left Canada over. Seems the national health care put his screening date too far off so he came to America, was evaluated, and had the surgery that saved his life.
Tom Green is no fan of Canadian Health Care these days.
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