Scene 4

The black knight

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaaagh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaagh!

GREEN KNIGHT:

Ooh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

[stab]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aagh!

GREEN KNIGHT:

Oh!

[King Arthur music]

Ooh! Uuh.

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaaagh!

[clang]

BLACK KNIGHT and GREEN KNIGHT:

Agh!, oh!, etc.

GREEN KNIGHT:

Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!

[woosh]

[BLACK KNIGHT kills GREEN KNIGHT]

[thud]

[scrape]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Umm!

[clop clop clop]

ARTHUR:

You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

[pause]

I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

[pause]

I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Camelot.

[pause]

You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

[pause]

You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT:

None shall pass.

ARTHUR:

What?

BLACK KNIGHT:

None shall pass.

ARTHUR:

I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Then you shall die.

ARTHUR:

I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT:

I move for no man.

ARTHUR:

So be it!

ARTHUR and BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]

ARTHUR:

Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT:

'Tis but a scratch.

ARTHUR:

A scratch? Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT:

No, it isn't.

ARTHUR:

Well, what's that, then?

BLACK KNIGHT:

I've had worse.

ARTHUR:

You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT:

Come on, you pansy!

[clang]

Huyah!

[clang]

Hiyaah!

[clang]

Aaaaaaaah!

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]

ARTHUR:

Victory is mine!

[kneeling]

We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--

BLACK KNIGHT:

Hah!

[kick]

Come on, then.

ARTHUR:

What?

BLACK KNIGHT:

Have at you!

[kick]

ARTHUR:

Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Oh, had enough, eh?

ARTHUR:

Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Yes, I have.

ARTHUR:

Look!

BLACK KNIGHT:

Just a flesh wound.

[kick]

ARTHUR:

Look, stop that.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Chicken!

[kick]

Chickennn!

ARTHUR:

Look, I'll have your leg.

[kick]

Right!

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Right. I'll do you for that!

ARTHUR:

You'll what?

BLACK KNIGHT:

Come here!

ARTHUR:

What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BLACK KNIGHT:

I'm invincible!

ARTHUR:

You're a looney.

BLACK KNIGHT:

The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's last leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.

ARTHUR:

Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

Back to the Holy Grail page / On to the next scene!

Adam R. Jones