A Way Out of Automated Phone Hell

Wired ^ | Feb. 10, 2004 | Louise Knapp

[anymouse]

Getting transferred from one automated message to another while stuck in a company's convoluted telephone system is enough to make even the most unflappable individual's blood boil.

A solution that may prevent violence against handsets comes in the form of a new software program designed to detect callers' frustration and transfer them to a human operator.

[anymouse]

#$%#^& automated no-help desk! :)

I guess you do have to get mad to get even. :)

So when you aren't getting satisfaction on the automated phone system they transfer you to an overseas call center where you really can't get proper service even with a live human being. Do they then send you back to the computer, who can at least speak inteligible English?

[lelio]

I wouldn't mind automated phone desk systems if they did anything useful. For example I would call SprintPCS and it would ask you to enter in your phone number and password. You can then get basic stuff like amount due, all of which I can get from the website.

When transfered to an agent, which is the reason I'm calling in the first place, I would have to repeat all the information again. Why on earth did I go through that in the first place?

If automation helped out at all I would be for it. More often than not you'll get the same operator and will be asked the same questions as if you just went into a generic queue.

[blackdog]

Oh great! Reward rude people by sending them to the front of the que! In ten years every phone call will begin with the phrase "Eff You, you $hit hole %astard". Of course that will be for the average call..........

[So Cal Rocket]

Here's a trick that often works...

When trapped in Voice Mail Hell and unable to find a way to get a real person on the line - punch 0, wait two seconds and punch 0 again.

I've tried this on several different systems and it gets me a real person over half the time.

[blackdog]

If I feel I've been phone-abused by automation I get even.

Get the fax number, which they will gladly give to get you off the phone. Then take a piece of paper and color it all black with a sharpie marker. Dial the fax number and feed the sheet. After it's half way in, tape both halves together into a continuous loop. You'll trash their toner cartridge, fuser, and tie up their fax machine for hours with all that solid fill.

[Xenalyte]

Why not just fax a sheet of black construction paper? Saves you Sharpie ink.

[bk1000]

I tried this. My stupid fax thought there was a problem when it didn't see the end of a sheet, and it hosed. Sounds like a wonderful idea, however.

[meadsjn]

I tried this. My stupid fax thought there was a problem when it didn't see the end of a sheet, and it hosed.

A strip of whiteout at the top and bottom should get past that.

[blackdog]

Like BK1000 said, it helps to have a white strip at one end for page breaks. Besides, it's much more theraputic to be scrawling like hell for ten minutes with a sharpie. It's like counting to a hundred before reaching for your gun.

[Joe Hadenuf]

Service in American by telephone has gone to hell.

Just simply trying to get a hold of the gas company, computer support, a hospital, insurance company etc, or any company, is a complete joke, where one can spend 20 minutes or more sitting on a phone, just waiting to speak with a human being, and many times, once you get a hold of a living person, they are completely incompetent. What chaos.

[antivenom]

Just go to the copier machine...make a copy with the top up...same black sheet....

[Iron Matron]

solution that may prevent violence against handsets comes in the form of a new software program designed to detect callers' frustration and transfer them to a human operator.


Are they selling the software? For free, you can just press a single number very quickly in sucsession, you will automatically get transfered to "a representative". It's worked for me on most every automated system!

[Ramcat]

What's really wild about automated systems is that the person programming the system can create the system to her liking.
So, it seems beyond belief when you reach an automated attendant that has a serious bad attitude or tone to their voice.
I mean why can't they at least use a computer with a pleasant demeanor???

Example: Verizon

[the invisib1e hand]

the only thing worse than "voice mail hell" is "customer service hell."

[blackdog]

Skyshots on the copier are hell on your equipment. Print is based on a 12% coverage. The thermal demand and lubricants, cleaning blade and pad are not meant to see skyshots. No sense in mucking up your own equipment, although the deletion areas will give you the white strips for page break.

I was a copier repair guy a long time ago.

[sinclair]

Yeah that's the ticket. Put your customer in a revolving frustration generating loop then when they get so angry they want to spit transfer them to some live high school dropout to "help" them. Technology, aint it wonnerful?

[yarddog]

I have had the exact same experience with Sprint.

When I phone their repair # an automated voice askes me to enter my phone number using the touch tone keys. Then the first thing the person asks when you finally do get a person, is for your phone #. This has happened several times.

[Dan Evans]

You'll trash their toner cartridge, fuser, and tie up their fax machine for hours with all that solid fill.

You're just plain MEAN, Blackdog.

[blackdog]

I love the customer service rep who asks me if I've waited the 24 to 48 hours required before activation!

I respond with the mere consideration of asking me that question shows just how challenged in the brain they are!

I explain to them that I cannot answer that question as it it is impossible to get right! If I say yes, that I've waited 24 hours, I'm still lying. Why ask me if I've waited 24 hours when you really want me to wait the twice as long 48 hours? They usually reply with the "Gee, I never gave that much thought, but you're right"

Or how about the people who tell you that there is no physical location of their service center. You want to send them a letter and they seem to think that convincing you they are in some amorphous alternate dimension with no position of reference is credible information.......Or asking them for a name gets a "it's our policy to not use names" response. Like I'm really going to know if they give me a made up name or something? A real lack of creativity IMHO.

Or when you ask what country you called when you dialed directory assistance for Dominoes down the block and some guy in India tells you that it's company policy for security reasons to not disclose their call center location? Like Osamma Bin Laden runs Directory assistance or something.....Hey wait a minute there, I may be onto something.

[yarddog]

I phoned Dell this morning to cancel an order and ended up talking to a guy with a deep drawl. This guy was so friendly and courteous that I suspected he was at the Dell factory in Texas (if that is where it is).

I went ahead and asked him where he was and he said "North Alabama". It turned out I had to be switched to another rep in another dept., and this one sounded like Apu's Sister. I am reasonably certain I had been transferred to India but this time I didn't ask.

At least she spoke fairly good English and was competent unlike most I have dealt with.