Replies

TO: All employees at Viacom/CBS
FROM: Damage Control/Ministry of Propaganda
RE: Super Bowl debacle

All employees should be aware that we have covered our butts on this blunder, and that we've strongarmed Janet Jackson -- a second-rate nobody whose career is in mothballs -- into taking the bullet for us. You might have seen our babble-laden press release about how shocked we were and all that blah. That's our official story and we're sticking with it.

To prevent similar embarrassments in the future, the following programs are to be implemented immediately:

First, we are redoubling our already thorough oversight of all live performances -- to be sure that the standards of our networks are upheld and that what is presented is appropriate for the intended audience. Since the standards of our network are nonexistent, and we don't know bupkus about our audience, this is nothing but empty posturing. But it sounds good.

Second, we are insisting that any future productions of soft-core porn we air must be thoroughly screened in advance. Our executives must sleep with the featured performers and give them an official stamp of approval before said performers will be allowed to disrobe or copulate on stage. The only exception will be a song-and-dance number by Rosie O'Donnell.

Thank you for your continued discretion in these matters as we plumb the depths of depravity for more crud to auger into America's living rooms. With your support, we will make enough money to buy a small country and then we can make any kind of movies and shows we want nyah nyah nyah!

To: All Viacom Employees
Cc: Mel Karmazin
From: Justin Timberlake
Date: February 03, 2004

RE: Super Bowl Half Time Show

Don't be so quick to walk away. Dance with me. I wanna rock your body, please stay. Dance with me; you don't have to admit you wanna play. Dance with me. Just let me rock you till the break of day. Dance with me; got time, but I don't mind.

Just wanna rock you girl, I'll have whatever you have. Come on, just give it up girl. See I've been watching you, I like the way you move. So go ahead, girl, just do that ass shaking thing you do.

So you grab your girls and you grab a couple more and you all come meet me in the middle of the floor. Said the air is thick, it's smelling right so you blast to the left and you sail to the right. I don't mean no harm, just wanna rock you girl. Make a move, but be calm; let's go, let's give it up girl. See it appears to me you like the way I move. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, pull you close and share my groove.

Talk to me boy. No disrespect, I don't mean no harm. Talk to me boy, but I can't wait to have you in my arms. Talk to me boy. Hurry up cause you're taking too long. Talk to me boy, better have you naked by the end of this song. Are you feeling me? Let's do something. Let's make a bet, cause I, gotta have you naked by the end of this song.