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The British Military writes OFRs (Officer Fitness Reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S-206 and these are actual excerpts.

1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

2. I would not breed from this officer.

3. This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

5. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

6. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

7. Technically sound, but socially impossible.

8. This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

9. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

10. When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

11. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

12. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

13. He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.

14. This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

15. In my opinion, this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

16. The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

17. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. (This one is a keeper.)

18. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (Runner-up)

Reminds me of a story I was told. It was about the Navy, US rather than UK IIRC. Seems onboard ship, both the Captain and the First Mate are required to keep daily logs of anything remotely important, in case a chaim of events needs to be traced. And both are to log anything questionable in each other's behavior-the logs being read by each other. Anyway, one night the First mate had a bit too much to drink,and to his horror,next morning the Captain's log read,Yesterday, First mate ____ was drunk. (Old story: Today it would be "intoxicated" .) The First Mate asked the captain to delete this, claiming that he hadn't been completely drunk, that it was a special occasion, that he didn't make a habit of drinking, yadda yadda. The Captain said he was sorry, but rules were rules, and the words would stand. So the First Mate said no more.

The next day, the Captain was reading the First Mate's log. And in it he found these words:Yesterday, Captain ____ was sober.