Posted on 01/25/2004 6:37:03 AM PST by John Jorsett
MANCHESTER, N.H. - I finally caught up with the campaign of Gen. Wesley Clark.
Actually, Gen. Clark caught up with me: I was briefly captured by his clot. Every major candidate travels inside a surrounding clot of advisors, lackeys, media, etc. If you stand anywhere in Manchester for 15 minutes, one of these things will go past. Often the clot is so dense that you can't see the candidate: You just see this mass of people moving briskly along. Anybody could be inside. Osama bin Laden could be running around New Hampshire inside a candidate clot right now, undetected.
So anyway, after the debate the other night, I was standing in the Spin Room. This is a large room -- it actually has signs outside that say ''SPIN ROOM'' -- where, after a debate, campaign staffers and candidates go to explain to the news media that, in their objective opinion, they won.
I was standing behind the Rev. Al Sharpton, who is hands down (whatever that means) the most interesting candidate in this race. Even the back of his head is interesting. From the front, the Rev. Sharpton looks as though he doesn't have much hair, but in fact he has enough for several people: He combs it all straight back to an area behind his head, where it forms this highly disciplined hair structure the size of a small dog. It's very impressive, although they never show it on TV. (No wonder the voters are apathetic!)
For the record, the other candidates with strong hair are John Kerry and John Edwards. They both have what I would describe as Ken hair, as in Barbie and Ken, although Kerry is more Lumberjack Ken, while Edwards is more Star Trek Ken.
The other contenders all have average hair, except Dennis Kucinich, who appears to be using some kind of tofu-based mousse.
But getting back to the Spin Room: I was standing there innocently when a fellow journalist said, ''Look out!'' I turned around, but it was too late: I was directly in the path of Gen. Wesley Clark's clot. Gen. Clark himself was coming right at me, radiating this very intense smile that he puts on to soften the look in his eyes, which have the hard gleam of an officer about to order you to do 500 push-ups.
The last thing I saw, as the clot hit me, was the general's teeth -- thousands of them, it seemed -- and then I was inside the clot, being dragged across the Spin Room.
Fortunately, I was able to fight my way out of there, but in the five or six seconds I spent with Gen. Clark, I formed an impression of him as a man who -- bear in mind, I am a trained observer -- walks really fast. His campaign theme is leadership, and he's promising a healthcare plan that, according to my notes, has three pillars AND three prongs. He has been endorsed by Ted Danson and Madonna.
FACT: No candidate with the endorsement of both Ted Danson and Madonna has ever lost the New Hampshire primary.
But Gen. Clark is in for a battle. The Kerry campaign has issued a press release stating that it is launching a ''Celebrity RV Tour'' featuring E Street Band drummer Max Weinberg, as well as, quote, Scott Wolf from Party of Five and Kelly Scott from MTV's Real World New Orleans.
FACT: No candidate with a celebrity RV containing stars from both Party of Five and Real World New Orleans has ever lost the New Hampshire primary.
I will continue to report on these breaking developments as soon as I get my rental car warmed up. Sometime around August.
Now, for all I can tell, you still don't have to be a young pretty boy. Nobody ever accused LBJ or Nixon or Carter of being too pretty, but they had their hair. Gerry Ford, thinning seriously, failed in his only bid to win the job by election. People said it was because he didn't seem to know in a nationally televised debate which side of the iron curtain Poland was on. They're wrong. It was the hairline.
ROTFL! Best line in the whole piece.
Mr. Simpson, acquiring a head of hair, was immediatly launched to Executive status. He was a shooting star, and lost it just as fast when overnight, that hair disappeared.
I did not know this about Al. I might have to consider him more seriously now.
It helps if you can run against Fritz Mondale, too.
Reformers worry over the way money corrupts our politics, but in this age of televised campaigns a handsome face can distort the process even more disastrously.Consider John Edwards of North Carolina, the freshman senator anointed by ABC News as one of the two top Democrats (John Kerry of Massachusetts is the other) in the 2004 presidential sweepstakes. Why would this 49-year-old, who won his first (and only) race for office a mere 3 1/2 years ago, rank higher as a prospective candidate than Dick Gephardt, Tom Daschle, Joe Lieberman and Al Gore?
The answer lies in Mr. Edwards's unquestionable good looks. He may not boast a major record of achievement, but his resemblance to a Hollywood star makes him an instantly credible presidential prospect . . .
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