The Empty Nest: Most Parents Don't Anticipate Stress When Adult Kids Move Back Home

Cheyenne Wyoming Tribune-Eagle ^ | 01-18-04 | Dynes, Michelle

[Theodore R.]

Rush Limbaugh addressed this very question on his radio program last week.

[Howie66]

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm willing to give being an "empty-nester" a shot.

[stylin19a]

My 28 year old daughter came back to the roost in August, after spending 2 years getting her Masters Degree.
I think she came back because of Rodney's commencment speech in "Back to School"

There was a bit of tension, but that's been talked out and things are cool. Besides, we told her that the payback is when my wife and I are dribbling tapioca on our chins, she has to build us a guest cottage on her property(ifn when she gets it) and look in on us from time to time.

[Benjo]

Multi-generational families living together have been the norm for most of human history. It's the United States that's the exception.

[Humidston]

As much as I dislike his politics, I remember a Bill Cosby show years ago when the son wanted to be independent. Cosby took everything out of the kid's room and then he started listing ALL the expenses the son would have to pay in order to be out on his own. By the time he'd finished the son realized just how expensive it was to be independent .

Clearly many factors at play here, but I think the biggest factors are:
1. Over-expectations.
2. Immaturity
3. High taxes

As a parent, my rule was IF YOU'RE IN SCHOOL, YOU MAY STAY FREE. IF YOU HAVE A JOB AND WANT TO LIVE AT HOME, YOU WILL PAY RENT. AND BOARD.

[Swanks]

I worked for a guy who, went the last kid moved out, sold the home and moded into a boat. No room for the kiddies, in a motor-home-in-the-water.

[the gillman@blacklagoon.com]

...She said she called a lawyer, but because of a lack of landlord/tenant laws, all she was told was to "start packing."...

This sounds like a nice place, to me.

I'll have to check out the property values.

[monocle]

The generation of the kids moving back to the empty nest is the same generation complaining about Social Security and Medicare. I find this exceptionally humorous even though I think Social Security and Medicare were ill-conceived and poorly executed.

[CTOCS]

Basement apt's go for $500 per month but the husband makes twice that?

That's a whopping $12K per year! What's he do, sweep streets or flip burgers?

Who in their right mind would think of having a kid on $12K per year?

Hate to sound callous, but that's reality.

[CTOCS]

Basement apt's go for $500 per month but the husband makes twice that?

That's a whopping $12K per year! What's he do, sweep streets or flip burgers?

Who in their right mind would think of having a kid on $12K per year?

Hate to sound callous, but that's reality.

[bjcintennessee]

My routine has been disrupted so many times over the past 9 or so years that I know longer know what my "routine" is.

First our daughter went to college, then got married. A year or two later our son moved into an apartment.

Wow! Empty nest! It was great, but it didn't last.

Daughter got divorced and moved back home with my then, 4-yr-old granddaughter. A year later, our son broke up with his fiance and moved back home.

But the biggest adjustment of all was when my husband retired - LOL!

Now, son's in the Navy, daughter and granddaughter bought a house two doors up the street (after living here for 4 yrs. and saving her money)

Husband's still retired, and we are really enjoying the "empty nest".

(That will change yet again when our son gets out of the military in two years.

Bottom line -- though I might have preferred somewhat different paths, I've been blessed!

[freeangel]

"jobs don't pay a great deal in the beginning"

Except for that short time for tech and business, no jobs ever payed a great deal in the beginning. We lived in a tenement building in a not so nice section of town while we were at poverty level and then moved ourselves up to a one bedroom "modern" apartment in a better section of town for 5 years while we saved enough to get in and make payments on an FHA small starter home. Empty nesters deserve their kids back when they haven't taught them self sufficiency and how to get by without all the bells and whistles.

[the gillman@blacklagoon.com]

From Cheyenne listings.

Here's a duplex for 99 grand. If he pays list price, his payment is app. $532 for his first mortgage. He finagles a second mortgage for ten grand, for five years, at 10% or $194.

That's $726 a month in mortgages. Plus we'll tack on two hundred more for good measure.Say a thouand a month.

He owns the place.

If even a crummy basement apartment gets five hundred bucks, he's only paying five hundred a month out of his pocket.

If he can get more $500 rent, or haggle down the price, or bum some down payment off family or friends, He's doing way better.

If he works and improves the place, even better.

[Cagey]

A Catholic Priest, a Protestant Minister and a Rabbi are discussing the question of: "When does life begin."

"Without any doubt" says the Priest, "Life begins at the moment of conception, when the sperm meets the egg."

"No, no!" says the Protestant Minister. "Life begins at the moment of birth, when the baby emerges."

"No way," says the Rabbi. "Life begins when the last kid moves out, and the dog dies."

[Publius6961]

It's been a frustrating journey. Wood said the couple is trying to get its bills paid off and save up to buy a home. They gave up on looking for another apartment after they failed to qualify for a number of housing programs. In other cases, the family would have to be on a waiting list for as long as three years.

Of course it's frustrating. Meghan and Jeff's ages are not given but they are symptomatic of the general malaise. They started "planning" only after finding themselves in the midst of a crisis. Thirty-somethings going on 12. Indulging themselves in everything they "deserved", in an atmosphere where deferred indulgence is a foreign, even alien concept.

Waiting to get on a waiting list of "housing programs"? This says it all. They are the classic "nanny government owes me mentality" and the easy alternative is the real mom and daddy, who failed utterly and miserably to give them responsible wings.

Sympathy here on the "loser meter" is about a -6.

[Hildy]

But they'd have to come up with 10K for down and extra costs.

[Theodore R.]

Who was it that said the purpose of parents is to give children (1) roots and (2) wings? Maybe Emerson, Longfellow, or Lowell?

[Tax-chick]

How about moving somewhere with reasonable housing costs and better jobs, not to mention sensible weather? Why would anyone choose to live in poverty in Cheyenne, WY? Even the professional homeless go south for the winter!

[Theodore R.]

Yea, but this kind of "dependence" is not what we might expect from the INDEPENDENT-MINDED westerners.

[Little Bill]

I believe Howie calls these people LOOOOOOOOOSERs, apt.