Spalding Gray Feared Dead [Update: Spalding Gray FOUND dead in East River]

1-14-2004 | CHRIS WILSON

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

January 14, 2004 -- The family of missing movie monologist Spalding Gray is "bracing for the worst," fearing he may have leaped into New York Harbor's frigid waters from a Staten Island Ferry, sources said yesterday.

The angst-ridden writer and actor disappeared Saturday night "without his credit cards, his wallet and with no medication," said Tara Newman, speaking for Gray's heartsick wife, Kathie Russo.

And police were checking a report that Gray was spotted on a ferry Friday - on what his loved ones dread may have been a test run.

Gray - a manic depressive who has twice attempted suicide - had tried jumping off a ferry in September but was stopped by a friend, sources said.

Gray was last heard from around 9 p.m. Saturday, when he called his TriBeCa loft and spoke to 5-year-old son Theo "and said he just wanted to say he loved him," Newman said.

Gray's disappearance has taken his wife by surprise because the worst of his depression seemed to be over, Newman said.

"He was in comparatively good spirits, all the signs were good," she said. "His therapist said he was doing better. He was looking forward to things for the first time in a long time."

Gray, a master of sit-down comedy who rose to fame with the 1987 film "Swimming to Cambodia," the first of his autobiographical movie monologues, had returned to the stage last November, delighting audiences twice-weekly at PS 122 in lower Manhattan with his newest confessional, "Life Interrupted."

The show had originally been scheduled for the fall of 2002 but was canceled after Gray checked into a mental hospital after an aborted suicide leap from the Sag Harbor bridge, not far from his home in North Haven, L.I.

The monologue dealt with the ill-fated trip to Ireland that Gray's family made to celebrate his 60th birthday - and the near-fatal car accident that triggered his manic depression.

The show "was the most hopeful sign," Newman said. "He never canceled a performance."

There were other hopeful signs, she said.

"He gave Kathie a beautiful garnet ring for Christmas, and he was going on a ski trip to Aspen," she said.

Gray had been in the city, staying at his TriBeCa loft, when he disappeared.

He went to the movies Friday night with Theo, the youngest of his two sons, to see "Big Fish."

The next day, he went to La Guardia Airport for a flight to Aspen, for the skiing vacation Kathie had given him for Christmas. When the flight was canceled, he opted to delay the trip until Sunday, Newman said.

He was last seen at 6 that night, in his loft, by Theo and Kathie's daughter, Marissa, 17.

After his conversation several hours later with Theo, he's not been heard from since. His wallet and credit cards, the bags and skis he planned to take with him to Aspen, and his medication, were all found in the loft.

"We're trying to be hopeful for the sake of the kids, because you never know," said Newman.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

MYSTERY: Vanished monologue man Spalding Gray, with wife Kathie Russo, was seen Friday on a ferry in a possible "dry run" for a suicide. - Aubrey Reuben

[Redcoat LI]

That sucks.

[WL-law]

very sad -- he was a brilliant guy.

[MattAMiller]

Gray's disappearance has taken his wife by surprise because the worst of his depression seemed to be over, Newman said.

That's actually the most dangerous time for somebody coming out of a severe depression. Some people get too down to commit suicide, and on the way back up they pass through the "depressed, but not too depressed" period again.

[bootless]

Oh my God. That poor little boy and his mother.

"He was in comparatively good spirits, all the signs were good..."

In reading the distressing, educational, and emotional suicide threads of late, this could be where he made the decision ... I understand that when the decision to commit suicide is made, their spirits rise because the decision has been made, and they believe their pain will soon be ended.

[PoorMuttly]

...as in "Manic?"

Sure hope he's O.K. Let's not say "he was..." yet. People have gotten over all sorts of things...even death itself. Let's wait.

[Celtic Conservative]

"He was in comparatively good spirits, all the signs were good..."

When I read that line I felt that His family had missed the warning signs of "resolution". Coupled with the fact that He said some goodbyes, I think He had resolved to try again on suicide. Based on that I fear the worst too.May G-d be with His family,

CC

[bootless]

"resolution" - that was the word I was searching for. May God have mercy on his soul, and be tender to his family.

[woofie]

He went to the movies Friday night with Theo, the youngest of his two sons, to see "Big Fish."

I loved Big Fish but it is all about a dying storyteller and his son, who is trying to make peace with him

[DeuceTraveler]

I loved Spalding Gray's stuff, if not his politics. The man was an amazing story teller and "Swimming to Cambodia" had me riveted. My best friend has a cassette of it he still listens to sometimes in his car.

[Aaron0617]

Gray, a master of sit-down comedy who rose to fame with the 1987 film "Swimming to Cambodia,"

I remember being surprised how good that was. I rented it back in the late '80s. It was billed as a movie featuring only a guy, a desk, a map and a glass of water.

I didn't see "Monster in a Box" though. I think that was a single line he had in the "Killing Fields". Also Hang S Nor, lead actor in that film, was killed in a robbery couple of years ago.

RIP Spalding Gray

[LibWhacker]

Just how many people commit suicide annually by jumping off this ferry anyway? Kind of a beautiful setting, I guess. But gee whiz, can't imagine hating life so much that I would deliberately jump off the Staten Island Ferry to drown! Sad.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Spalding Gray's house in North Haven.

[Monty22]

"In reading the distressing, educational, and emotional suicide threads of late, this could be where he made the decision ... I understand that when the decision to commit suicide is made, their spirits rise because the decision has been made, and they believe their pain will soon be ended."

I speak of firsthand experience, that this is true. When you decide to do it, all your worries go away and there's such a sense of relief. I felt free.

Getting out of that mode was very difficult. I actually got MORE depressed when I decided I couldn't do it. That lasted for some time, as I faced having to deal with the problems I had.

[bootless]

Getting out of that mode was very difficult. I actually got MORE depressed when I decided I couldn't do it. That lasted for some time, as I faced having to deal with the problems I had.

I can definitely see that... going from the feeling of resolution, and not having to deal with things, to the certainty that you DO have to work on all that stuff after all... yeah. I can see that.

I'm glad you didn't do it, and that you're here. Thanks for your insight.

[Monty22]

I feel very bad for Spalding. I think he's gone now, it's been so long. And it sounded to me like he was really about to do it.

I'll try to give a little detail about how it goes.

Everyone has that depression where you mope around, cry a lot, feel awful and so on. The type of depression that's dangerous and clinical is when that stuff overwhelms the mind and you basically go into shock. Literal shock. You can barely think, you're dazed, and you don't do anything anymore.

I'm a huge gun lover and collector. For about 6 months I simply stopped caring. I stopped looking for a job, I stopped thinking basically. I went into a hospital at this time and got new treatment with Lexapro.

What happens is that it's kind of a swing. You recover out of that dull mindless daze into that painful sadness. The contrast is amazing. You have more energy to do things now, but the pain is back worse than ever. This is when a lot of people kill themselves. Their motivation to act is back, but the dulled out shock is gone. They put into motions the plans for suicide that they had this pain before, prior to going into shock.

I got very close, gun to head even. One of the hardest things was having to give up my guns for awhile. The hospital knew this would happen, they were really on the ball. I love my guns, and it was so difficult. But I think it was for the best, since I had had one to my head at one point and was ready to do it.

This was fairly recent. August 2003. I'm still pulling out of it, but I'm about 80% now. I was at 1%.

I believe it was TrappedinLiberalHell on here that killed himself. I was very affected by it. I can totally relate now to people in that position. I see people saying it's 'weak' and 'irrational'. At the time, the sickness in your head is telling you this is *the* answer.. The only logical one. You are so deluded and in so much pain and agony, that it's the only sensible thing to do.

I just wish he had responded to some medication like I did. I tried them all, but Lexapro saved me.

[LanaTurnerOverdrive]

Please Rest In Peace, Spalding.

Rest In Peace.

[Celtic Conservative]

Glad to hear you made it "out". I was there at one point myself. It's no fun climbing out of that long deep hole of clinical depression,but it's ultimately worth it. I am also glad that this sort of thing is not avoided or stigmatized as much as it once was. If you look up that thread on "trappedinliberalhell" passing there are more than a few in out FR "family" who spoke of their own demons. It was truly encouraging to see people being honest and unafraid to speak of their troubles, and gain strength from that sharing.

cc

[Aquinasfan]

I remember seeing "Swimming to Cambodia" back in the '80s. Spalding struck me as a lost soul, and I found his monologue to be very depressing. It was the "isn't everything absurd?" attitude. What follows logically is pretty much inevitable.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

There have been no updates since January 14th.