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Million Mom March Admits 'We Are Losing Battle Against Dangeroushiddenguns'
Luke Skyfreeper | January 7, 2004 | Luke Skyfreeper (vanity)

Posted on 01/07/2004 9:40:15 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper

MILLION MOM MARCH ADMITS 'WE ARE LOSING BATTLE AGAINST DANGEROUSHIDDENGUNS'

January 7, 2004, Washington, D.C. - Sarah Brady of the Brady Campaign United With the Million Mom March today issued the following statement:

"Today, the Governor of Ohio proved that he is a complete, absolute idiot and an obvious gun-toting right-wing fanatic wacko by caving in to pressurefromthedangerousgunlobby and agreeing to sign Ohio's dangeroushiddenguns bill into law."

"In spite of the fact that more than half of all Americans live quite happily in States that have shall-issue concealed carry laws, and in spite of the fact that the balance of research from university professors and professional researchers suggests these laws actually prevent crime and save lives, we here at the Brady Campaign know far, far better."

"We have our own research, independently commissioned by our generous financial supporters and independently undertaken by certain individuals in our Public Relations Department, that proves beyond any doubt whatsoever that in every state where one of these laws is passed, an average of 192 children* keel over and die on the very first day, just from the shock alone. And that's even before the law takes effect."

"Furthermore, these dangeroushiddenguns in the hands of law-abiding citizens just continue to menace the entire population. They don't know it, they don't feel it, they don't see it, they don't believe it, but they are being menaced all the time. Menace, menace, menace."

"Unfortunately, I'm not able to give you the actual names of our researchers, but I can assure you that one of them graduated from a highly respectable Community College, and the other actually earned a Bachelor's Degree in Drama -- plus a Minor in Feminist Studies."

"Anyway, these laws unfortunately deprive citizens of their Constitutional right to know if anyone near them or their children is carrying a loaded gun."

"Of course, if the person happens to be a criminal, he's probably carrying a loaded gun already without their knowledge, and he's certainly not going to advertise the fact, is he? But that's not the point, dammit. We must all be assured that the nurse or waitress walking alone through the parking lot late at night is not carrying a lethal weapon."

"Any other position is dangerous right-wing extremism."

"We are also quite disappointed that the jokers in the New Mexico Supreme Court let stand that state's dangeroushiddenguns law. I just don't know WHAT these guys were thinking. I mean, it's perfectly obvious that if a State Constitution says that the right to keep and bear arms doesn't automatically mean that people can carry concealed weapons, what it REALLY means is that it is completely Unconstitutional for the legislature ever, ever to pass any such law granting the citizens of that state permission to do so."

"Idiots."

"Now, just about anybody in New Mexico will be able to just easily carry a dangerousweapon. All they have to do is pay a substantial sum of money to be trained in how to properly handle a weapon and the proper use of force against criminals, pass some tests, undergo a criminal background check, and pay more money to get a license to carry a dangerousweapon."

"We confidently predict blood in the streets."

"Unfortunately, we at the Brady Campaign are now forced to concede that we are, in fact, losing this battle. With the number of states having these 'shall issue' laws going from just 8 back in 1986 up to a horrendous 35 today, and the number of states where it's completely illegal under all circumstances for a regular law-abiding citizen to carry dangeroushiddenguns going from a happy 21 in 1986 down to just 4 today, it's obvious that the people, the legislators, and the governors in all of these states are just plain stupid. We've tried to rescue them from themselves, but somehow in spite of our convincing arguments, they've been deceived by others (like those university researchers with their fancy-smancy PhD's) and have inevitably caved in to pressurefromthepowerfulgunlobby... Boy, those gunlobby folks sure do have the clout."

"And of these 4 remaining safe havens of plain and obvious good common sense, there is now a movement in 3 of those -- Wisconsin, Kansas and Nebraska -- for these States to pass dangeroushiddengun laws of their own. Only one state stands firm with us. But we here at the Million Mom March are convinced that, in spite of the fact that things look bad now, eventually the entire nation will turn around and emulate the shining example of that last bastion of common sense, that beacon of hope shining on the top of the hill -- the State of Illinois."

"OK. Yes, I know, I know you've heard the recent news, that Chicago has reclaimed its title as Murder Capital of the United States. But that's only because Chicago happens to be in a bad area. Believe me, it'd be far, far worse if they didn't have such sensible gun laws there, to keep dangeroushiddenguns out of the hands of Chicago's citizens."

"Anyway, all those people in the other States, the ones that have concealed carry laws and lower murder rates, they really aren't as safe as they think, because they've got all these guns running around all over the place. I mean, in spite of the lower violent crime rates and everything, it's obvious that they are actually in more danger than Chicagoans, where the murder rate is much higher but the people are safer overall."

"And so, in spite of the fact that this looks like Custer's Last Stand, we vow that we will continue to fight. The battleground now is Missouri -- and Ohio if we can figure out some way we can sue those people."

"Of course, in light of the fact that the challenge to Missouri's law is pretty much identical to the New Mexico challenge, and New Mexico's Supreme Court took only 30 minutes to find that those who filed suit to block this law were completely cracked, I will have to admit our prospects do not look very good."

"But be assured that in spite of our emotional state of being deeply saddened that 192 children* dropped dead today in New Mexico, we will use every ounce of our influence, connections, media mouthpieces, money, arm-twisting lobbying power and anything else we can think of to forcefully coerce those Missouri Supreme Court Justices to be brave, and not to cave in to pressurefromthegunlobby."

-------------------------------------------------------------

* For the purposes of this article, "children" includes individuals aged 39 and under.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: Missouri; US: New Mexico; US: Ohio
KEYWORDS: bang; banglist; bradybunch; dangeroushiddenguns; gungrabbers; misinformedmothers

1 posted on 01/07/2004 9:40:16 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
Does anyone have statistics on gun crime in the red districts versus the blue districts?
2 posted on 01/07/2004 9:44:43 PM PST by 11th_VA (VRWC Local 1077)
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To: All
Linda Carter is completely unrelated to Free Republic. But if I am going to have to post donation begs until the Freepathon is over, I'm going to occasionally post something I want! And there is only one way you can stop me!

3 posted on 01/07/2004 9:45:20 PM PST by Support Free Republic (If Woody had gone straight to the police, this would never have happened!)
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To: Luke Skyfreeper

4 posted on 01/07/2004 9:46:26 PM PST by COEXERJ145
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
Dangerous hidden guns? OK, fine. We'll just go with open carry then.
5 posted on 01/07/2004 9:47:30 PM PST by .38sw
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
ROFL.
6 posted on 01/07/2004 9:47:32 PM PST by Dan from Michigan ("Every man dies. Not every man really lives")
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To: Dan from Michigan
This was humor?
7 posted on 01/07/2004 9:50:31 PM PST by mcenedo (lying liberal media - our most dangerous and powerful enemy)
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To: 11th_VA
The statistics on concealed are extremely complicated. In a nutshell, those who've researched the matter in depth have a range of opinions.

One group argues that the laws decrease crime and save lives.

The other group argues that the laws don't actually have the reported positive effects. A few of these researchers argue that there may be some minor detrimental effect, usually in something like increasing property crime (the reasoning is something like, criminals either turn from violent crime to property crime, or crime is increased because there are more guns for people to break in and steal).

So that's the range of opinions: minor possible detrimental effect (usually something like property crime) to significant positive effect (reduced violent crime and lives saved).

As far as stats on crime rates between those areas that voted for Gore vs. those that voted for Bush, I don't know.
8 posted on 01/07/2004 9:51:37 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: .38sw
Dangerous hidden guns? OK, fine. We'll just go with open carry then.

No, no. Dangeroushiddenguns. It's just one word.

9 posted on 01/07/2004 9:56:54 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
*slaps forehead for palm of hand*

What was I thinking? I won't make that mistake again...
10 posted on 01/07/2004 10:03:20 PM PST by .38sw
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
I seem to recall reading most of the 'children' killed by gunshots were inner city hoods, 13-18 ...
11 posted on 01/07/2004 10:04:00 PM PST by 11th_VA (VRWC Local 1077)
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To: Excuse_My_Bellicosity
ROTFL

humor ping
12 posted on 01/07/2004 10:08:41 PM PST by Pan_Yans Wife (Freedom is a package deal - with it comes responsibilities and consequences.)
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To: *bang_list
Bang
13 posted on 01/07/2004 11:00:14 PM PST by Atlas Sneezed
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
Looks like a bad case of moronicmillionmoms.
14 posted on 01/07/2004 11:07:43 PM PST by skr (Pro-life from cradle to grave)
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To: skr
Its getting tough to distinquish liberal rants from *satire* of liberal rants.
15 posted on 01/07/2004 11:27:39 PM PST by Fenris6
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To: Support Free Republic
why should someone want to stop you from posting pics of Lynda Carter? I suggest that if you want help to stop, try posting pics of Hitlery!
16 posted on 01/08/2004 2:44:22 AM PST by tal hajus
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To: 11th_VA
The statistics that you're looking for, I think, are the ones from the 2000 Bush/Gore election. I think someone found that there were 1.8 Bush to 13 Gore area murders in the precincts.

Unfortunately, I don't have the source and it's from memory.

What you can tell people and this even came up in the Ohio debate is that in the time that the governor of Ohio has been screwing around and stopping the CCW Bill, Ohio has bypassed Michigan in crime. During that same period, Michigan passed their CCW law.
17 posted on 01/08/2004 7:18:14 AM PST by Shooter 2.5 (Don't punch holes in the lifeboat)
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
This is you, right?

18 posted on 01/08/2004 7:22:07 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Death before dhimmi.)
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
Funny stuff!!


19 posted on 01/08/2004 11:08:00 AM PST by Travis McGee (----- www.EnemiesForeignAndDomestic.com -----)
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To: Tijeras_Slim
Heh heh... ok, so I had a weeee little bit much to drink that night...
20 posted on 01/08/2004 11:28:17 AM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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