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-Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest: The Top 10 Crooks of 2003
Dumb, dumber, dumbest: The top 10 crooks of 2003
The Family Badge

Ken Rodriguez: In a salute to San Antonio's Eddy Lee Dacy, I present the first Year In Review of Clueless Criminals — tales of bungling burglars, bonehead bank robbers and assorted clumsy crooks. Haven't heard of Dacy?

He's a small-time convict who made big-time news last December.

While on probation for possession of marijuana and methamphetamines, Dacy split town without permission from his probation officer.

Dacy, 46, apparently thought no one would find him and his teenage girlfriend in New York City.

Did Dacy disappear into the masses?

No he went on the "Ricki Lake Show."

He appeared on a program called, "Older Men, Younger Women."

Whereupon Dacy entered another program. Jail.

He gets the local Dumb Crook Award for 2002. Here is my national Top 10 for 2003:

No. 10: On Nov. 29, a Long Island man stole $2,000 worth of digital camera equipment from a Wal-Mart.

Before he took the merchandise, the man posed for a picture on a store demonstration camera — chained to the counter and held by a female accomplice.

The man's mug appeared all over the Big Apple.

New York Post headline: Wal-Mart 'Thief' Photo-Finished.

No. 9: In October, a man wearing baggy pants with a T-shirt over his face held up a restaurant in Hendersonville, N.C.

The robber jumped over the counter to reach the cash register, landed on his elbows, lost hold of the gun and fled. He tripped onto a wooden picket fence and got stuck upside down. Police found him with his pants around his ankles.

No. 8: On Nov. 19, at 2:30 a.m., a 24-year-old man was changing a flat tire on Interstate 35 in North Texas when police pulled over to help.

The man, who had been convicted on multiple counts of drug possession, panicked. He tried to swallow a bag of marijuana and choked to death.

No. 7: In August, an Akron, Ohio, man stole a small safe from a watering hole called the Nut House.

The man hailed a cab, took the safe home, and explained to the driver that he had no money for the $12 fare, which is why he stole the safe.

Robbed, the cabbie called police. Officers found the suspect still trying to open the safe.

No. 6: In February, an inmate who escaped from Waco's McLennan County Jail in an orange jumpsuit broke into the theater department at Baylor to slip into something less conspicuous.

Police apprehended the escapee in a leprechaun costume.

No. 5: Last week in Naples, Fla., two jewelry theft suspects running from police climbed into a car they thought was a getaway vehicle.

Only to discover the driver in the unmarked car was wearing a badge and a sheriff's jacket.

No. 4: On Jan. 1, a man in Palm Beach County, Fla., stole a gun from a friend and robbed a gas station of $200.

The robber left behind his wallet with four pieces of ID and three traffic tickets.

No. 3: In February, a burglar broke into a Mineral Wells store, emptied the cash register, used the toilet without flushing it, left a pistol on a bathroom counter and fell asleep.

In the morning, the store owner — the wife of the local district attorney — found the burglar snoring.

When police awoke the intruder, he snapped, "Hey, I was asleep!"

No. 2: In October, two men in Stuart, Fla., held up a gas station with a BB gun, getting beer and a hot dog.

After leaving personal ID and a gun on the counter, the men called back and asked if they could swing by to pick up their belongings.

No problem, said the surprised clerk.

Great, said the robbers, who returned to find — no surprise — police.

No. 1: In September, a California man was sentenced to 33 years for robbing a bank.

Jesse Leonard Youngblood, 36, was a customer at the bank he robbed in Oroville.

Hours after the heist, he returned to the bank to deposit some of the loot into his own account.