Don't worry, what men are looking for doesn't exist either. Only by working to be what each other wants can our marriages be blessings. Nothing worthwhile is free. But anything worthwhile is also worth working for. The fruit that you till the ground for, plant, fight the insects and snakes for, is far sweeter than the fruit that you just pick up.
Let's face it, if men think that way, it doesn't matter how much I give. If something prettier and younger comes along and is interested, if he has not really changed, he'll go for it.
If you make the effort, you may find out he has changed. By the way, if it took him fifteen years to wind up having an affair, he probably isn't prone to doing it. Sex isn't all that men want, unless they aren't getting it. So many women are afraid that if they start pleasing their husbands they will wind up chained to the bed getting their brains screwed out 24/7. The opposite is true. The more you do to convince him that you desire him, the less affirmation he will need through sex.
Just like a man can never spend enough on flowers or jewelry for the needy, insecure woman, the man who has to badger his wife for sex never gets enough because what he gets does not affirm his value to her.
If you make no effort, you are simply planning to fail. If you don't make the effort, you will never know what could have been. If you make the effort and he still winds up with another woman, then you will have absolved your own conscience.
We all want the other person to be what we want them to be first, so that we can really believe they are truly devoted to us. But that is selfish and destructive. If both people think that way, the marriage is doomed from the start. Both have to jump in with both feet working to please each other.
Wonderful analogy there.
If you make no effort, you are simply planning to fail. If you don't make the effort, you will never know what could have been. If you make the effort and he still winds up with another woman, then you will have absolved your own conscience.
Yeah, I think I realize this, just hard accepting it. Believe me, the effort is there on both sides...just seems we're both prone to giving up easier. I'm tending to put the walls up in case it happens again, and he in case I revert to the old me. I'm not quite that far gone, but the shadows of my former self even scare me. Very shaky time.
We all want the other person to be what we want them to be first, so that we can really believe they are truly devoted to us. But that is selfish and destructive. If both people think that way, the marriage is doomed from the start. Both have to jump in with both feet working to please each other.
Are you a counselor? Geez! You just keep hitting the nail right on the head. Thanks so much for the words. Sometimes we know, we just don't want to know, so hearing makes it easier to accept. You really seem to have insight into this. 8 * )