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I feel a little uncomfortable speaking for my sex, but since I did already :), I might as well try to be clearer.

It *is* the thought that counts. Men are simple creatures, at least according to Dr. Laura, and think, oh: pretty flowers, I'll pick some up to suprise my favorite and please her and get in her good graces. It worked the last three times!!! I'm on a roll.

Women, who torture men and most especially each other with extremely subtle, ingenious, and devious emotional machinations, are capable of doing so because they are wired up to globally evaluate WHAT EVERYTHING MEANS to her social interactions.

She will use all incoming data to figure out what you are thinking even though you aren't quite aware that you were thinking, or not thinking, about it. If you AREN'T thinking of something, that means you are thinking something ELSE. This could be good, bad, or indifferent, but it all MEANS SOMETHING. She's on the alert for your "thoughts".

So she thinks, the first time, OH! my love! He brought me flowers on impulse! How wonderful. He is at stage X of courtship and it means X and X and X. And, the flowers are nice, too.

The second time, she thinks, Oh, alright, flowers on impulse again. A sweet gesture, how nice. But its the same thing as before. What does it MEAN?!!! Let me appraise his decision making process. I wonder if he ever thinks about planning to get me flowers on purpose. I'd realy love to get something REALLY special that really MEANS something. I wonder if he knows that would make me really happy, and if he would do that. It would MEAN something.

The Third time.... Oh. convenience store flowers again. Does he think he has me figured out? ANother impulse purchase of cheap flowers, I wonder what that MEANS. Does he think he has me pegged. Doesn't he think about these things? If he doesn't that MEANS something. Is our relationship stuck at level X? What does that MEAN.

The fourth time... Oh man, he's NEVER going to go out of his way to get me the really nice flowers, where you have to pick them out and call ahead and I guess that's just too much trouble for him so that means he's not thinking about me and that MEANS something and he thinks he doesn't have to go the extra mile and why buy the good flowers when you get the cow for afterthought flowers and I guess that MEANS something, why is it that he hasn't done this or that doesn't he know what it MEANS, doesn't he think I'm good enough to move on to stage XXXX????

Basically, she wishes he'd put more *thought* into pleasing her, otherwise the flowers don't MEAN what she wants them too!!! :)

Basically, she wishes he'd put more *thought* into pleasing her, otherwise the flowers don't MEAN what she wants them too!!! :)

Let me add a story. A friend received a birthday present from her spouse- a CD, unwrapped and simply handed to her with a Happy Birthday wish. To the guy, the fact that he got her something was enough. To the girl, the fact that there was not THOUGHT put into it made it completely different than he intended.

I think a lot of times, both sexes expect that the other is, or should, be like them, meaning, 'it doesn't bother me if you give me a gift like this.' Of course, that is short sighted since every single one of us is completely different from the rest. We may share similar traits, but how we react and feel is completely individualized.

Do what my husband does. NEVER buy her flowers. After a few years she'll start to get irritated about it. When you do surprise her with flowers, walk in, shove them into her chest (all the while blushing furiously) and peck her roughly on the cheek. Slap her on the butt and say (with a grin and a wink) that'll shut cha up for a few months!" Then strut away with a very pleased-with-yourself grin. She'll be so shocked to get the flowers and amused by your presentation that all she'll be able to think is, "That man is so adorable!!" (It worked! I didn't start complaining again for about four years.)

Once again, I appreciate your well-worded and thoughful reply to my question. Once again, it gives insight into how women think.

Now if I could trouble you with one more query...

What IF a man were to buy flowers from a nice flower shop each and every time, spending a ridiculous amount of money on something that is going to die in a few days anyway, just to show his affection and make this effort to show his woman that she is very special to him? Will a woman get tired of the same old one hundred dollar flowers and eventually start analyzing and questioning in the same manner you described anyway?

If so, then isn't it a case of being damned if you do or don't?