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Wow. Pretty true. I know most of my guy friends are ALWAYS trying to please their girlfriends etc etc. How about this one - I got my girlfriend flowers few times, It was late at night and the flower shop was closed. I got flowers at Super Stop & Shop. After a few times, she said to me - I like the flowers, but could you get them at a real flower shop for once. I was floored. Now, I don't want to buy either. I have a bad taste in my mouth about not being appreciated, the gesture being spit on, and the negativitity poisoning my well of giving. This type of thing goes on in so many relationships I know, which is why I congratulate Dr. Laura for putting out such a good book.

I like the flowers, but could you get them at a real flower shop for once. I was floored. Now, I don't want to buy either. I have a bad taste in my mouth about not being appreciated, the gesture being spit on, and the negativitity poisoning my well of giving.

Perhaps she is seeing it as "he had to stop at the store for eggs and bread anyway and the flowers were an afterthought." It's still nice, don't get me wrong! Personally, I wouldn't say a word about it. But taking the time and the forethought to stop during the day, and thinking about her, going to a flower shop and having flowers sent might make her feel more special.

After a few times, she said to me - I like the flowers, but could you get them at a real flower shop for once.

Oh, brother.

Better not get engaged. She's the type that will definitely expect you to spend a minimum of two months' salary on the ring. Then she will complain if it didn't come from the right jewelry shop.

My ex hubby used to buy me flowers a lot and I could have cared less where they came from. What mattered was that he took the time out of his busy day to think of me, how much he knew I would love the flowers, etc. It is the gesture and the thought behind it that counts. He even bought me flowers on Mothers Day once....and we couldn't have children. But just that he thought about me and how difficult that day was for me.....well even though we're apart now I've never been as touched by anything as I was by what he did that day. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it!

As a woman who understands what drove your girlfriends comments, I feel conflicted about your post.

I see how the comment, which she shouldn't have made, would kill the joy of giving.

Flowers ourchased on a whim as a stop-and-shop afterthought are fine, and a joy to receive out of the clear blue sky, especially from someone you want to love you.

Except...when that's all the thought that ever goes into the gesture.

I don't know how else to explain it to you other that to tell the secret code among women -

How much effort you put into a gift counts. It should be like a "kill" to impress us... your skill at the hunt matters.....because that establishes our worth to you, and among our peers getting flowers from their boyfriends, and proves your relative value as a provider and protector.

She's thinking, am I NEVER worth the effort for you to plan ahead, plot and plunder a bouquet made especially for me? The flowers ARE nice, but why do you always do it the EAASSSY way.

You say it's "always" late and night and the flower shop is closed - but florists are not always closed. You've had opportunity, one can call ahead and request a bouquet. Flowers can be delivered.

You only think of her when it's easy.

That reflects on how much you think of her and are trying to woo her.

Especially when there is a "gold standard" that young women secretly wish for...the exquisite bouquet hunted down by our dearest caveman, for no special occasion, because he wants a grand gesture for the grandest woman on earth.

Of course her words were cut you down and were counterproductive. She should have found another way to get the point across.

But I have to confess I would start to wonder after several stop-and-shop afterthought purchases, if you ever intended to go the full monty, if you even thought I was worth it.

I like the flowers, but could you get them at a real flower shop for once.

You're absolutely right about that. Criticising a gift -- ANY gift is just plain bad manners.

That said, the fact that she said "for once" would indicate that you never once got her flowers from a flower shop, but I don't know your budget or your situation, or the circumstances under which the flowers were given. That might have been a (much too direct) hint for you to put more thought and planning into your gift giving, but I still think that the way she said what she said was not very thoughtful.