[The Duke]

As I would imagine the character "Red" from "That Seventies Show" saying..."Even dumbasses need a holiday!"

[SAMWolf]

Newer Than Kwanzaa

Recently, a number of Americans have come forth with interesting ideas for new holidays. Inspired by Maulana Karenga and his invention of Kwanzaa in 1966, these holidays hope to bring joy to those of us less than satisfied with the current crop of bullshit. The holidays listed below are all Newer Than Kwanzaa!

Esperantas, The Universal Holiday – Dr. Ludovic L. Zamenhof, Inventor of Esperanto
Much like its artificial language counterpart Esperanto, Esperantas has yet to catch on anywhere. Dr. Zamenhof’s hope is that those attracted to the invention of this universal holiday will also take an interest in his useless universal language. Zamenhof, who insists on being addressed as Lord Esperanto, claims that Esperantas will serve as a “bridge holiday” that will “enable inter-celebration between the numerous peoples of this planet that celebrate dissimilar holidays.”

Schwinza, The First Bicycle Celebration – Schwinn Bicycle Company
Each year dozens of Americans celebrate Schwinza, the first bicycle celebration. Good children can expect a visit from the jolly Mr. Schwinter Claus, whose promise to leave a shiny new Schwinn Bicycle at the bottom of every in-ground swimming pool keeps visions of handle bars dancing in tiny heads across the country.

Christmas 2 – Mark Levin and Jennifer Flackett
From the power-couple that brought you the short-lived television series Earth 2 comes a brand new holiday that’s out of this world! Captain Devon Adair and her crew are looking for a new holiday for the human race to celebrate. The crew has some initial problems with the development stages of Christmas 2 and ultimately gets trapped in the holiday’s orbit. Things go from bad to worse when the gang crashes into Christmas 2 and is forced to do something.

Christmas Eve-Eve
This is one that I invented. I think that most people celebrate the day before Christmas Eve like it’s Christmas Eve, so I’ve decided to recognize Christmas Eve-Eve as an actual holiday. This means, of course, that I will now celebrate Christmas Eve-Eve-Eve like it’s Christmas Eve-Eve, which, as you know I already celebrate exactly the same way that I celebrate Christmas Eve

Kegmas, College Christmas – Sigma Kappa Epsilon, Pi Zeta Gamma, Beta Mu Omega, Theta Chi Iota and Lambda Xi Omicron
Kegmas is a yearlong celebration of excess and overindulgence. The Kegmas holiday has its roots in Kegizi, the belief system or “religion” that perpetuates the popular “get drunk and screw” values that are prominent on college campuses across the country.

Hanukkah Beyond – Jean MacCurdy and Shaun McLaughlin
From the power-couple that brought you Batman Beyond: The Animated Made- for-TV-Movie comes a brand new holiday that mimics the style of poorly animated cartoon dramas created exclusively for television. The holiday is set in the near future and follows Yukio Suzuki, a headstrong teenager who takes up the cowl after a personal tragedy. Michael Gross, the original Hanukkah is now a lonely old man. Anyone who considers himself or herself a fan of Hanukkah the Dark Knight should definitely think about joining the gloomy Hanukkah Beyond celebration.

Have a Merry Whatever!

Dennis Proctor

[metalboy]

Hey, this year I am celebrating "Krazzot"

[Squantos]

Kawhat'sa Kawanza ?

[Wil H]

Kwaanza is a RACIST fiction - just read the Kwaanza creed...

[foreverfree]

Merry Christmas bump

[TigersEye]

Did you have a happy Kwanzaa?

I had a very nice kwanzaa this morning right after my first cup of coffee.

[Fintan]

 

Happy Festivus.