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Christmas day specials on "The Political Channel" -- Some holiday humor
WorldNetDaily ^ | 12-22-03 | Doug Powers

Posted on 12/22/2003 3:48:12 PM PST by WrightOnTarget

7 a.m.: "Twas the Night Before John Hinckley Jr.'s unsupervised visit"

'Twas the night before Christmas, in Jodie Foster's house;
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
A shotgun was loaded by the front door with care,
In case John Hinckley Jr. soon would be there.

What happens when a Washington, D.C., judge lets a would-be assassin out of a mental hospital for unsupervised visits with his folks? John Hinckley Jr., the man who shot President Reagan and three others, is hitting the streets.

Horror mixes with the holiday cheer in this feature about a schizophrenic Star Trek convention reject with the hots for a Hollywood actress, a potentially deadly mental condition, and enormous late fees for the "Taxi Driver" video. In this suspenseful tale, you can be certain of only one thing: The judge who granted the release doesn't live anywhere near Hinckley's parents.

9 a.m.: "On Daschle, on dancer!"

Song and dance abound in this holiday funfest and DNC fund-raiser, hosted by South Dakota Sen. Tom Daschle. Don't miss the celebrity dance numbers.

Former President Bill Clinton makes a guest appearance to show viewers how he does the "Meringue," "Cha Cha" and "Macarena" – those aren't dances, but the names of three strippers the former president brought with him to the taping. "On Daschle, on dancer" is fun for the whole family, provided your family is over 18 and easily misled.

10 a.m.: "Miracle on Robert Byrd Street"

A remake of the classic directed by George Seaton, "Miracle on 34th Street," this film's script is almost a duplicate of the original, but is set in present day West Virginia. The film takes into account a premise that, due to a bizarre pork-barrel rider in the "Homeland Security Act," 34th Street has been widened and renamed after Sen. Robert Byrd.

Noon: "Michael Jackson: Black again for the holidays"

It's Christmastime at the Neverland Ranch, and the "King of Pop" finds himself in serious trouble. It seems the law has taken offense to Jackson turning his bedroom into a Chuck E. Cheese with mood music, and are disturbed by finding mistletoe hanging over the playpen. In order to get help from the African-American community, Michael now faces a serious problem – convincing them he's black.

Whiter than Bing Crosby after painting the picket fence, looking like an escapee from Area-51, and weighing about as much as one of Mark Geragos' cuff links, Jackson seeks advice from a smooth-talking mall Santa, convincingly played by Johnny Cochran. Louis Farrakhan guest stars, delivering a powerful motivational speech to Jackson (running time: 9 hours, 30 minutes).

9:30 p.m.: "The Nutcracker"

Holiday game show featuring Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton standing next to her husband, and offering a free Christmas tree to anyone who can figure out why Bill is doubled over.

10 p.m.: "Saddam Won't Be Home for the Holidays"

Sadness has consumed the far left. American forces are preventing the former Iraqi dictator from spending the holidays as he always does – surrounded by what's left of kith and kin, watching torture videos, and tossing dissidents into a wood chipper decorated with colored lights and festive garland.

Can enough human-rights violations be pointed out in order to get the "Butcher of Baghdad" released from custody in time for the holidays? You'll laugh, you'll cry ... but mostly, you'll cry.

11 p.m.: "The Bishop's Longtime Companion"

A same-sex modernization of the 1947 Cary Grant classic, "The Bishop's Wife," this film is based on current events in an Episcopal Church in New Hampshire.

1 a.m.: "Barbra Streisand's 'The Story of Christmas'"

Famed singer, actress and activist Barbra Streisand sits around the fire with children of all ethnicities (whose parents could afford the ticket), and recites – from memory – the story of how Christmas came to be:

"A long time ago – and I'm talkin' hundreds of years – God chose Mary to have his son, Jesus. Mary tried to check into a hotel, but they put out a "no vacancy" sign, like all right wingers who are threatened by the thought of a single mother."

"I think it was at this point that an old lady tried to get her to take a bite out of an apple, and then one of the three wise men, I can't remember if it was Sneezy, Grumpy or Doc had to kiss her to wake her up. Then she had to get out of there before midnight or her carriage would turn into a pumpkin. Boy, talk about your hokie religions!"

Join Barbra and all the kids for an hour-long explanation as to why this is one star that no wise man would ever follow.

Merry Christmas to everyone!

-----

By Doug Powers


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: christmas; daschle; dougpowers; hillaryclinton; hinckley; jessejackson

1 posted on 12/22/2003 3:48:12 PM PST by WrightOnTarget
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To: WrightOnTarget
Hysterical, to say the least.
2 posted on 12/22/2003 4:10:56 PM PST by Slip18
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To: WrightOnTarget; snippy_about_it; PhilDragoo; Darksheare
10 p.m.: "Saddam Won't Be Home for the Holidays"

I can't wait for this one.
3 posted on 12/23/2003 12:06:33 AM PST by SAMWolf (I love deadlines. Especially the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.)
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To: SAMWolf
10 a.m.: "Miracle on Robert Byrd Street"

And I have to go to my grandmother's for Christmas dinner, meaning I'll have to set the VCR for this one.

4 posted on 12/23/2003 12:12:49 AM PST by ABG(anybody but Gore) (...And second prize goes to Kenny, for his Edward James Olmos impersonation!)
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To: SAMWolf
Can't wait for that one either.
5 posted on 12/23/2003 1:20:54 PM PST by Darksheare (Lead me not into temptation, I can find it well enough on my own.)
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