For More People in 20's and 30's, Home Is Where the Parents Are

The New York Times ^ | December 22, 2003 | TAMAR LEWIN

[baltodog]

Several years ago, my wife and I found ourselves in a situation where we needed to move in with my parents (I had accepted a job in my hometown on a two-week notice).
My parents had a fairly large house and invited us to stay until we could get settled in our own place.
The first thing that happened was that rules and boundries were set: we had three children and were both working.
We paid rent, child-care, and our share of the bills and grocercies. Certain nights were us cooking and vice-versa.
I have to say that it was a great time. My wife and kids got to know my father before he passed away. We were exposed to a couple who had been married for fifty years and it was very enriching.
It's not too often that your wife and her in-laws find themselves in a situation where they don't want to separate.

[Tax-chick]

If I ever have a kid, if he's not building his own log cabin by the age of 12, I'm shooting him.

Vision Forum sells a book detailing all the "homesteading" skills needed to set up life on the prairie ... and it's in the "Boys' Activities" section of their catalog! I'm thinking of getting it for my oldest son's 10th birthday next year, along with a building permit ... he could have his cabin finished by the time we need to put two more little brothers in his room!

I suspect you're exaggerating a bit, in your charming way, but you've hit an important point: If a boy is EVER going to grow into an "emotionally mature male," rather than a perpetual adolescent like these twerps in the article, he needs to start doing real work as early as possible, and expect to continue it the rest of his life. I wouldn't have children if I expected to support them into their mid-30's ... these parents are getting exactly what they ask for.

[Wilhelm Tell]

Wow. I think part of the problem is that some kids were never taught how to manage money, and they expect to have the best and the newest of everything -- and they want it all right now. When I left home a number of years ago, I drove my $1,500 used car to a new town. Within two weeks I had started attending college, I had found an okay apartment, and I found a semi-professional job for a whopping $5 an hour. It was a start. I paid my way through college and kept my old car for 8 years even though I later could have afforded a new car. Within 3 years I had a fair sum of money saved up (of course, I was making more than $5 per hour by then). Oh, the day I left home, my father gave me a check for $50 and said, "Destroy it in a few weeks if you find you don't need it." It was just assumed that I wouldn't need much if anything in the way of help and I would be setteled in with an apartment and a job within a few weeks of moving.

[ChefKeith]

Heck I could not wait to move out!

I was gone within 6 months of getting My drivers license.

But then I was also working at 11 and bringing in $400.00 a week. (and no I was NOT selling drugs)

[GodBlessRonaldReagan]

Seems like there's a nice little lull in there that would accomodate some military service. I wish someone had prodded me to join when I was younger. mea culpa.

My biggest regret in life is not serving in the military when I was younger...

[Tax-chick]

What were you doing? I'm not just snoopy - I'm actively interested in finding real adult-level work for my boys. They are grumpy doing schoolwork, and happy doing professional cleaning, cooking, farm work, carpentry. I'd love to be able to take them over to the construction company on the next street, and say, "Put them to work, and send them home at suppertime!"

[xrp]

Gee, I didn't know marriage had an income requirement.

It is if you're wife shopping in the Atlanta metro area. The women here are extremely materialistic.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

What a bunch of pride-challenged losers in this story. There's no doubt about it: if you go to college, graduate, and then move back home with mommy and daddy, you are a loser. Howie Carr (AM 680, Boston) used to dedicate whole segments of his show to railing on these parasites.

[mewzilla]

Guess it depends on the parents and kids. Mr. Mew comes from a family where the kids often take care of the elders. And you could have three generations living in the same house. Worked for them.

[ChefKeith]

Building displays and loading trucks with them crated up for the Oil Industry Shows that happened at the Astrodome/Hall every year in Houston. (After getting out of school and completeing My homework.)

Mind You this was back in the mid '70's when it was fairly easy for a kid to get a job (pre-mexican invasion/child labor laws/greedy politicians stealing My $$$ calling it employee taxes/ect.)

We also worked from 4PM till 10PM on school nights and until midnight or so on weekends (starting at 8AM on those days)

Heck the food service industry pays fairly well. I saw a Jack in the Box offering $7.50 an hour to start a while back (if one can stand cooking the same thing over and over and over...

How old are the Boys?

[commish]

Our son is 24 and is living at home with us.

He just graduated from Auburn University Montgomery this past summer, and now works as a Tax Assesor for the Alabama State Revenue Department.

He pays all his own bills (Car - credit - insurance) and pays us rent. We told him he can live here for a maximum of 2 years, so that he has a decent down payment for a house.

[HamiltonJay]

Sorry, if you are able bodied and of able mind in your 20s and not attending school, and you live at home.... you are a LOSER and a LEECH... if you are in your 30s and meet those criteria.... and its not a temporary thing, divorce, bankruptcy etc.... you are just hopeless.

[bigeasy_70118]

I agree. I am in this generation and have seen more than a few friends move back in or never leave their parent's nest. Some are approaching 35. Most don't pay rent or contribute to the household in a meaningful way.

If your Mom is approaching sixty, it's a safe bet, she doesn't want to do your laundry, cook you dinner and make your bed.
When I was 24, my Mom was in a bad car accident and I was forced to do a lot of my parents' household stuff. It would have been easy for me to move back in with my parents (b/c I was single and not making much $$) but I didn't b/c I knew it would be a step backward.

At some point, and I think by at least 25, you've got to take some responsibility for your own life.

[Agnes Heep]

Mr. Navarro lives with his parents in Queens. His mother packs lunch for him a few times a week. His bedroom still has his high school baseball trophies and a giant stuffed bunny that was a present from a former girlfriend.

I'd be willing to bet he's a latent homosexual.

[Dosa26]

There's no doubt about it: if you go to college, graduate, and then move back home with mommy and daddy, you are a loser

Why? My parents made time for me. My father worked 60 hours a week when I was growing up and he still took me fishing trapping and hunting. Now I'm graduated worked 8 years at a multinational invested in income properties and I'm effectively retired at 29. Now my mother doesn't have to cook nearly as much (I do) and my retired father has some one to fish, hunt and trap with, his retired son. I haven't move back in yet but live nearby and am considering it.

[Tax-chick]

The oldest two are 9 and 7, so they won't be getting jobs in fast food any time soon :-(. Maybe if I buy the homesteading book, they could go into business building log cabins!

[MissAmericanPie]

I work with two ladies whose adult kids live at home. In one case the guy is just a parasite, in the other the ladies daughter was left a widow with two children and can't earn enough for her own home.

So the stats on unemployment can't be believed. Low wages are driving alot of young adults home.

[ChefKeith]

How about one of those "assemble at home" deals?

[raybbr]

First, where is this story taking place? It all seems to be in New York. What is it about NY that brings this on? Lack of housing? Lack of maturity? Lack of preparation in the public schools?

Second, why, after years of forcing children to grow up so fast, are they surprised that they finally want to experience childhood?

Lastly, since we can expect to live into our '70s now, there really is no need to get started so soon anymore.

[Tax-chick]

These articles generally imply, if they don't specifically state, that the "adult children" are not contributing meaningfully to the parents' household work or expenses.
That's very different from the situation you and some others have described, of generations sharing a household with everyone benefitting.