Posted on 12/19/2003 11:32:28 PM PST by GluteusMax
Cavel stirred and glanced out the window. “Des gotta be de fugliest wimmins en de wohrl” and turned his head away.
The former Oxford student skidded to a stop and bailed out of the shiny new El Camino. Scanning the crowd he saw a familiar face standing by the fire yanking her bra out the sleeve of her blouse. It was the room mate of that hot Gertrude chick from Wellesley….what was her name again? Hildabeast, uh no, Hilton, no…HILLARY!
Bill thought if she was uninhibited enough to burn her bra, maybe this uptight Yankee gal might roll in the hay with him too. What the heck, she wasn’t much to look at, but that had never stopped him before.
The material had soaked up years of fat, sweat, and skin cells which combusted into a foul smelly mushroom cloud.
In the distance the fire alarm sounded as people began to call and report the confligration.
“Janet, what are you doing here?” queried Hillary as she turned to face the older woman.
“Oh, with the breeze blowing I see we’ve burned our bra young lady.” Janet said as she stared at Hillary’s blouse.
“Oh, anyway, I’m here responding to a personal ad. He’s a younger man, and he really wanted to meet me after we exchanged pictures. He says he really is attracted to women like me. As you well know, this is unusual for me, but heck, I’ll try anything once.”
With that, Janet started looking around the park and said “There he is Hillary! The portly young man with the exceptionally large lower lip and the binoculars. He’s been looking for me I guess.”
It had not been lost on Webb that the older woman knew the younger one. Webb figured he had no shot at the younger one, YET. But if he played it cool maybe he could work his way in through the older one. “Yeah, that’s the ticket!”
Webb moved with some trepidation towards the pair through the crowd of feminists. He noticed someone had painted a pink swastika on the back of one of the N.O.W. protest sign. “That’s odd” Webb thought “who would have pictured Feminists with Nazis? Oh well, I better Rush over and see these babes.”
Slickmeister was hitting on his girl! The bald one was stuffing cicada larvae in his mouth he was plucking off the trees, so he was no threat, but that Bubba guy was definitely going to be a problem.
“Webb! Hi, I’m Janet.”
“Hi Janet, nice to finally meet you in person. Who are your friends here?”
“This is Hillary Rodham from Wellesley. We are very close. I don’t know these two, they appear to be friends of Hillary though.”
“Well, I do know these two. This is Bill Clinton and Jim Jim Cavel. So Webb, what’re you studying in school?”
“I’m hoping to become a lawyer soon.” Webb said.
“Me too!” Said everyone in unison except Jim Jim. Then they all laughed as they realized each of them craved power as much as the others. Well all of them but Jim Jim. He was content to search for lizards.
Janet's horrendous face certainly did it for him, but that Hillary chick was giving him a full fledged diamond cutter.
Webb needed to use the boys room so he walked over to the door marked Men and went in....and Hillary followed.
She went to the stand up urinal and began to releive herself as if she had done it a million times.
She looked over at Webb and said.........
At this point Webb was hopelessly, head-over-heels in love.
Janet looked at Hillary questioningly and Hillary made a "V" with her fingers and pointed to her nether-region.
Janet nodded in understanding. Men had to be shown their place. Women like Janet and Hillary showed them outdoor plumbing didn't make them any better than any Womyn!
Janet said to Webb "There, there Webb, let me put a smile back on those ample lips."
"Gol-leeee" Bill said as he sat on the couch watching television. The screen was showing images of a rocket launching, a train going into a tunnel and an oil rig pumping up and down. For some reason Bill really liked those images.
Janet asked Webb web for a cigarette.
And just like that, the disturbing mental image we now all have is complete.
"Oh not you again. What do you want now? Can't you see I'm networking? And another thing"
"SILENCE!" the dark lord screamed. "Like I said, now is the time."
Hillary stared him down with a frosty glare.
"What?" said Satan.
Hillary said nothing.
"Okay, look. I'm the one giving the directions around here. You're the child and I am your faatherrr..."
Nothing.
"Why aren't you acknowledging me?"
"You said 'SILENCE' remember?" Hillary said with syrupy-fake sweetness.
At that Beelzebub glowered and said, "Okay, here's the deal. Go sit by Bill and flirt with him. You must end up in a marriage of convenience if our plan is to succeed. Like I told you before, you and he are going to be co-president. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. You have to have a child."
"WHAT?!?!" Hillary went ballistic. She swept everything from the desk onto the floor, she kicked the chair over, she smashed all the autographed pictures of Saddam and Osama on the walls and finally stood panting and inch from the Devil's face.
Satan smiled and said simply "All done?"
After another 10 minute temper tantrum Hillary was spent. She sat on the floor and sobbed.
The dark lord said "If you would have let me finish, I would have told you that it won't be for another 12 or 13 years. And it won't be with that goofball Bill. Besides that, I can't have people aborting EVERY baby now can I? Who would we rule my child?"
She was furious with her “unholy Father” but it was evident she had very little choice in this matter. Bill was prattling on and on about the new ’67 Mustang Boris promised him and how some Ho was going to buy him a judge in Mena.
Even more disturbing were the traces of lipstick on Bill’s collar and other areas of his clothing.... It was her shade, but she ONLY wore lipstick when she was back home in Illinois, to set her parents minds at ease. What had she done while she was in a trance? No, she wouldn’t have. She COULDN’T have. Could she?
Bill was surprised. He had thought that the homely little Yankee girl didn’t even like men. Yet she attacked him more aggressively than Ho had back in the hay rick. He’d thought she was uptight until he saw her burn the bra earlier that day.
Shucks, she’d done things in the hotel lobby that Bill had never even seen at Momma’s house with all his ‘uncles.’ Bill smiled.
Maybe the partnership she’d suggested would be a good thing after all. The weirdest part of all was the strange otherworldly orange glow in her eyes and the disconnected way she spoke while they were getting busy. It was almost as if she wasn’t even there.
She went to the campus nurse as soon as she got back to Wellesley. The nurse laughed when she asked to be tested for pregnancy and the clap. “Hillary, I can assure you Janet can not get you pregnant, even if she is rather masculine.”
Had Janet been talking? No matter, she needed to know if the timetable of 12-13 years for making one of those little people was a lie or if she’d been duped while trance-arguing with Beelzebub.
The nurse examined her and promptly declared, “Well there’s no need to do a pregnancy test. The equipment is still pristine. Why would you ask me to test you when obviously you have never....”
”Oh never mind!” Hillary barked and stormed out of the clinic.
”I thought you didn’t like Bill.”
”He’s okay.” Hillary replied.
”Don’t play coy with me. He called me and told me it was over. He said that you gave better “Monishka” than I did!”
”Gertrude, that is simply ridiculous. He must have found someone else. You know I’m not that way.” Hillary said as she slipped on her best pantsuit.
”Why are you dressing up Hillary? Is HE coming over?” Monishka demanded.
”No! You are really acting paranoid.”
Just then the distinctive sound of the El Camino sliding to a stop outside the dorm could be heard. This was usually followed by a ‘Hawg-call’ and then Bill yelling for Gertrude. Hillary’s blood ran cold when after the hawg-call she heard “Hill-llar-eee”
Bumping an old thread
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