There is a great video called "St. John In Exhile", done by Dean Jones, the old Disney guy. He does a one-man show of the Apostle John in Patmos Prison as he tries to serve the prisoners and spread the word about what Christ did for us. Jones give a really moving performance, as he relates the human side of the Apostles during Christ's ministry. Laughter, pain, joy, fear...it really shows that the Apostles were Just Guys, not perfect. It gives me hope that we folks who are Just Guys can make a difference, even though we fail and fall too often.
Hang in there. You might want to drop in at... The DragonRaid Inn and look in the Storage Room for "My Witness". (Click on the Storage Room on the map graphic.) I am just a guy, but maybe my experience will give you hope and support that there are people trying to do what they claim to believe.