U.S. troops find Bush's re-election

National Post ^ | December 16 2003 | Andrew Marlatt

[knighthawk]

BAGHAD - Acting on a tip, soldiers of the U.S. Army's 4th Infantry Division descended on a hole near a house on the outskirts of Tikrit Sunday, where they discovered President George W. Bush's re-election.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him for four more years," a beaming Paul Bremer, the U.S. administrator of Iraq, announced at a press conference.

Soldiers uncovered Bush's re-election hiding six feet below ground in a six-by-eight-foot hovel that was covered by a rug and a Styrofoam lid. To avoid skepticism among Iraqis and Americans, the U.S. military said it confirmed the second term's identity by testing its DNA, or Democratic Nullification Ability.

"We compared the DNA of what we found against what it would take to defeat any Democratic challenger in 2004, and it was a perfect match," said Bremer.

The announcement of the imminent second term prompted spontaneous, emotional celebrations in Washington, with some Republican senators cheering and dancing on the street and others crying with joy. Shouts of "GOP is great!" echoed through several affluent neighbourhoods.

"They wanted us to leave, they wanted to force us out, but this sends a strong and clear message that until 2008, we're not going anywhere," said White House advisor Karl Rove. "We have been waiting for this day for a long time."

Indeed, re-election has eluded U.S. forces since the fall of Baghdad in April. After the military's initial successes, "we were sure we would have re-election in the bag in short order, but then we got bogged down and opposition grew stronger," Rove noted. "Everybody knew that finding the second term was the key."

Last seen in public in the final days of the war, hopes of finding Bush's re-election seemed to all but vanish as opposition to the U.S. presence in Iraq grew. Some even wondered whether it was dead. Re-election immediately became the White House's principal quarry, designated "High Value Target No. 1."

While some opposition party members still insist they have a chance, senior U.S. officials in Washington said they believe such sentiments will be short-lived.

Bush himself hailed the discovery as "a new opportunity for the members of the Democratic opposition, whether former military or civilian, to end their bitter resistance." He urged Democratic loyalists to lay down their slings and arrows and, "come forward in a spirit of reconciliation and acceptance."

Leaders of the 4th Infantry said Bush's second term remained elusive because it moved among 20 to 30 safe houses in central Iraq, often spending no more than a few hours in each. Soldiers conducted dozens of raids aimed at finding re-election, occasionally coming close, military officials said. Over the past 10 days, however, the 4th Infantry shifted its strategy, detaining and questioning family members who probably knew where the second term was concealed.

"It's ironic that Bush's re-election was found hiding six feet underground, since that's where his opponents are now," said one soldier.

In Kabul, meanwhile, Afghan and U.S. officials said the capture of Bush's re-election might give pause to potential militants thinking of taking on the U.S.-led coalition in Afghanistan, with some boldly predicting it could eventually lead to the discovery of Osama bin Laden, also known as "Bush's third term."

[knighthawk]

Ping

[Pan_Yans Wife]

In Kabul, meanwhile, Afghan and U.S. officials said the capture of Bush's re-election might give pause to potential militants thinking of taking on the U.S.-led coalition in Afghanistan, with some boldly predicting it could eventually lead to the discovery of Osama bin Laden, also known as "Bush's third term."

(laughing,here)

[thesummerwind]

"It's ironic that Bush's re-election was found hiding six feet underground, since that's where his opponents are now," said one soldier.

That's a keeper!!!!!

[snippy_about_it]

LOL. Ping!

[r9etb]

Last seen in public in the final days of the war, hopes of finding Bush's re-election seemed to all but vanish as opposition to the U.S. presence in Iraq grew. Some even wondered whether it was dead. Re-election immediately became the White House's principal quarry, designated "High Value Target No. 1."

More proof that "conventional wisdom" is as wrong in Canada as it is here.....

[thesummerwind]

with some boldly predicting it could eventually lead to the discovery of Osama bin Laden, also known as "Bush's third term."

Jeb Bush!

[SAMWolf]

LOL! Thanks Snippy, good find Knighthawk

[nothingnew]

At first, I thought this was a hit piece...still not sure, but it is hilarious none the less.

BWAHAHAHA!

FMCDH

[OldFriend]

Kind of a back handed smack down....but true nonetheless

[MEG33]

I laughed..as I think some despondent dems were feeling this way!Very clever!

[ppaul]

[ChewedGum]

In Kabul, meanwhile, Afghan and U.S. officials said the capture of Bush's re-election might give pause to potential militants thinking of taking on the U.S.-led coalition in Afghanistan, with some boldly predicting it could eventually lead to the discovery of Osama bin Laden, also known as "Bush's third term."

Very nicely put.

Gum

[xp38]

I don't think the capture of Saddam alone would guarantee Bush being reelected. The election is almost a year away from now anyway. However a well publicized trial which reveals in detail the crimes of Saddam sometime next summer and fall would IMHO.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

I think I will be looking for more of Andrew Marlatt's writings in the future.

[facedown]

BTTT

[B-Cause]

Great Post knighthawk

For a neat Chrsitmas tribute to our soldiers, make sure your sound is on, turn up your volume, and:

Click Here!

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[Cicero]

I think it is a hit piece. The National Post used to be sensibly conservative, but under new management it has jumped over to the left and is now indistinguishable from the Globe and Mail. That's why Mark Steyn quit writing for them.

[OldFriend]

No doubt the dems were brokenhearted when they heard the news.

My guess is that they felt the same way I felt that morning I woke up to the news that Elian had been captured at rifle point.

[F14 Pilot]

Thanks for the Ping!