Posted on 12/15/2003 1:15:09 PM PST by TomB
Ok, he looks like Saddam Hussein. He sounds like Saddam Hussein. And, yes, he has the same DNA. But can we be sure that it is, in fact, the former Iraqi leader? And not just some poor turkey? Another of his hapless body doubles? Or even a clone?
Turkey. Consider the word and its significance in the region, not simply because Turkey is a nation in the neighbourhood. In all its other forms, the word turkey refers to the giant North American chook and is a case of mistaken identity if not deceptive packaging. You see, the Pilgrim Fathers exporting the bird to England called it a turkey because, at that time, Turkey was the most fashionable place for food, particularly Turkish delightful desserts. Thus it was more fashionable for an English aristocrat to have a Turkish chef than a Parisian.
So, right from the beginning, the turkey flew under false colours. A fact of urgent political relevance, as this column will now reveal. However, it is important to remember that the turkey - the chook, not the nation - has lent its name to other things. Consider the term turkey shoot, describing a decidedly one-sided battle. As in Gulf Wars I and II where the mighty US had no difficulty in dispatching Hussein's grossly overrated army. Turkey can be applied to a hapless individual, as in, "He's a real turkey" or to a spectacular flop, specifically of an expensive Broadway production. In a sense, the post-war occupation of Iraq could be thus described. The war was a success but the peace has been a turkey.
All these meanings coalesced when George W. Bush - whose presidency promises to be a turkey - arrived in Baghdad carrying one. A turkey. Bush's descent from the heavens would have cost more than the total budgets of The Producers, The Boy from Oz and two Rogers and Hammerstein revivals. Brought to Iraq in the strictest of secrecy, the President presented his nonplussed troops with the aforementioned chook - for the purpose of a spectacular photo opportunity.
Bush's Thanksgiving turkey, around which the beaming Bush and his happy warriors were grouped, was photographed and filmed from every angle. Back in Washington, it was regarded as one of the greatest public relations triumphs of the whole saga. Right up there with the carefully stage-managed landing of the Commander in Chief on the deck of that US carrier, wearing his really sexy, Right Stuff jet pilot's uniform.
But it turns out that this turkey shoot - and here I use the term in its photographic sense - was a right stuff-up, because it has been revealed that the turkey wasn't a turkey. Well, not a real turkey. It was a prop turkey, a pretend turkey. Just as ketchup replaced blood for violent scenes in movies, and mashed potato substituted for ice cream in Happy Days (to prevent its melting under the studio lights), the President had taken a plastic turkey - one used for gourmet magazine shoots - to the mess hall.
Which added another level of the fake, the tawdry and the sham to the whole lamentable exercise of Operation Perfect Freedom or Operation Democratic Orgasm or whatever it is they've called it.
Michael Moore, one of the regime's trenchant critics, put it well in an open letter to his President: "The fake honey glaze on that fake bird wasn't much different from the fake honey glaze that covers this war. And the fake stuffing in the fake bird was just the right symbol for our country during these times. America loves fake honey glaze. It loves to be stuffed, and damn it, you knew that."
He went on to remind his fellow Americans that under the Bush regime nearly 3 million US jobs have disappeared, along with a $US281 billion ($380 billion) surplus, and that the US is "stuck in a war that will never end", linking this spectacular achievement to Bush's latest manoeuvre.
Years ago, hand on heart while gazing at a portrait of my patron saint, Bertrand Russell, I swore to always "talk turkey". That is, to get to the heart of the matter and tell the truth at all times. Which is why I talked turkey here today. In contrast to the unreal turkey that Bush showed the world in Baghdad. But a fake turkey is the perfect symbol for a fake President because, as everyone knows, Al Gore really won the election.
Which brings us back to Hussein. I'm not convinced. The bloke they pulled out of that hole looked more like Willie Nelson.
Phillip Adams's column will return in the new year
What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.
What an ass.
FMCDH
You are, to the best of my information, correct on all points but one. The turkey that most of the troops ate was prepared in gigantic superheated steam cookers since oven baking thousands of turkeys is impractical. Hence the importance of the roasted turkey centerpiece; it provides the familiar sight and aromas of home.
BWAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Lord Russell was the most brilliant jackass in the history of the human race.
And I don't mean it as a joke. He really was.
I thought it was called a 'flight suit.'
I guess Michael missed the new figures, huh?
along with a $US281 billion ($380 billion) surplus
HAHAHAHAHA.......what surplus, you dimbulb?
Phillip Adams can now join the esteemed Robert Fisk as a foreign journalist completely unware that he looks like a freaking moron, and his political opponents have long since decided he's amusing rather than challenging. He'll probably increase his circulation. He just won't notice it's on the funny pages.
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