CHALLENGING DEAN TO UNSEAL RECORDS, KERRY UNVEILS FOREHEAD

Borowitz Report ^

[Sub-Driver]

CHALLENGING DEAN TO UNSEAL RECORDS, KERRY UNVEILS FOREHEAD

Offers Iowa Voters First-ever Glimpse of Brow

Daring his Democratic rival Howard Dean to unseal the records of his gubernatorial tenure in Vermont, Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) unveiled his forehead today for the first time in the presidential campaign.

"Unlike Howard Dean, I have nothing to hide," Senator Kerry said, dramatically combing his hair to the side and unveiling his brow to the audible gasps of his Davenport, Iowa audience.

In a new wave of campaign ads in Iowa and New Hampshire, Senator Kerry is shown combing his hair off his forehead in slow motion, as an announcer intones, "Senator Kerry has shown us his forehead. What do you have to hide, Howard Dean?"

Democratic insiders said that by offering voters a rare glimpse of his forehead, Senator Kerry might indeed put added pressure on Mr. Dean to unseal his gubernatorial records, but could also offer a favorable comparison between his own forehead and that of the former Vermont Governor.

"John Kerry's forehead is relatively free of the angry, bulging veins that characterize Howard Dean's forehead," said Arthur Crane, a longtime Democratic operative. "Voters may start asking themselves, which forehead do we want to have its finger on the button?"

But Mr. Crane cautioned that, while Senator Kerry's forehead may turn out to be his secret weapon, unveiling it at this point in the campaign maybe be a case of "too little, too late."

Elsewhere, Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) blasted President Bush's proposal to send men to Mars as "too expensive," saying, "If the President really wants to know what Mars is like, he could pick up the phone and ask me."

[Iowa Granny]

Dennis just wants a free ride home.

Just when we think this campaign can't get any sillier, John Kerry takes it farther than we ever thought it would go (in more ways than one!).

This "I'll show your mine, if you'll show me yours" stuff is goofy.

[glock rocks]

Did you know kerry is a vietnam veteran?

[DeuceTraveler]

You do know this article is a joke, right?

[Free_at_last_-2001]

Fourheads ??? OMG!

[Iowa Granny]

I hadn't given it a thought that it might be a joke.

I live out here where we are bombarded with so many goofy ideas in hopes the dwarves can shake loose a voter or two for the caucuses, it seemed entirely realistic to me.

Thanks for the heads up. But are you absolutely certain it's a hoax? With only a few weeks left until the caucuses, it is difficult to tell the difference between Fact and Fiction.

[Fresh Wind]

This one's pretty funny too, but it ISN'T a joke:

http://www.kucinich.us/adopt.php

[DeuceTraveler]

It was followed by this dig on Kucinich who does say some pretty outrageous things:

-Elsewhere, Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) blasted President Bush's proposal to send men to Mars as "too expensive," saying, "If the President really wants to know what Mars is like, he could pick up the phone and ask me."-

Also this site the article is from is a spoof site, like The Onion. It makes articles that sound close to reality, but are false. Check out both sites, there are definitely some funny articles written.