Posted on 11/30/2003 1:53:53 AM PST by Anastasia1
I have a stepdaughter who is 11 years old now. When I met her she was 7. There was a custody battle going on when I got married, but there was something special in Stephanie (fictitious name for a true story). Each time my husband wanted to see his daughter, he had to go to court. Several times the judges told the mother that she might have to change and be a facilitator in the relationship between Stephanie and her father (my husband), but never happened. She was even found in contempt twice.
The last time that we spent together was in summer of 2001. When we took the child to the airport, her mother and step-father were waiting for her and game us a paper. The step-father told my husband, who he knew very well because they were good friends and next door neighbor; that with that paper my husband would resolve all his problems. The mother yelled in front of the child that she had had relations with other men and that Stephanie was not his daughter. The child began to cry hugged my husband and told him "I love you dad".
During the next two years, my husband tried unsuccessfully to talk with his daughter, but her mother just kept telling him that she was not his daughter and that Steph knew it and her real father was her stepfather which she met 10 years ago and had an affair (my husband and the stepfather were both in the military). Both, mother and step-father refused our calls and told us several times that the girl was not available. We even received return packages from the mother. The step-father scratched my step-daughter last name and put her name with his last name in the return receips from the certified letters and packages.
Finally after several months, my husband contacted his daughter and she told him that he was not her real father, and that she knew that her mother and her real father (stepfather) had a relation 10 years ago, and asked him not to call her again.
We tried desperately to maintain the case in court, because we knew there was no other way to keep contact with the child. My husband filed for bankruptcy and we couldn't afford a lawyer anymore, and my husband decided to continue the case pro-se. But before the jurisdiction was transferred to CA, the judge in Fl told my husband to get a new lawyer and gave him three weeks. My husband explained her that he couldn't afford a lawyer anymore and begged her not to transfer the jurisdiction because he was not going to see his child again. The judge told him "well, you will have to get used to it" and the jurisdiction was transferred after three weeks. We tried to appeal, but CA already had jurisdiction.
We received several calls from the mother offering my husband to relinquish his paternal rights using the child support as excuse. Finally we found a new lawyer in Ca and a new visitation agreement was settled.
Two days later, we knew that the mother has told the child that she has three fathers: 1. BIOLOGICAL FATHER- which is the father that mammy had sexual relations with 2. LEGAL FATHER - (my husband) just for child support 3. DADDY- which is my stepfather and is with me every day.
She is having therapy and the psychologist told us that she knows that her mother shouldn't told her that and warned the mother about keep telling her about the three fathers, but she keeps telling Steph. As of today, this mother and the stepfather has broken a bond between a daughter and a father. The child doesn't want to call my husband "dad" and is not using her last name, but her stepfather's last name. They both have been telling her that my husband didn't care about her during the last two years; never called her, never sent her a letter, nothing. Nevertheless the Step-father has been "there for her" and that's what she told us. Don't you think these are twisted minds?
Now that we are here in Ca, the step-father has requested a transfer to another state (he is in the USCG), and probably there's nothing we could do about that, since he is a WO. And once again this child will be taken away from her father.
This is extremely abusive for a child, but we can not find someone with enough power to tell this mother all the damage that she is causing to her own child. It seems that no body really cares about the emotional abuse that a lot of children, like Stephanie, are suffering.
We have to do something about that. This mother says that she loves her daughter because she has told her the truth and her blood type paper proves it (one paper from a lab that says just the blood type of the child)"that's biology 101" says the mother.
I would like to hear from those parents that are suffering from this syndrome. The system has to work somehow. Thank God we could get "back in track", but what happens with those parents who don't have the economy to sustain this type of case in court? Just get used to it?
God bless you all and let's gather our voices to make the system work correctly for our kid’s sake.
God bless you all and let's gather our voices to make the system work correctly for our kid’s sake.
I'm not going to go into as much detail as you did, but my ex-wife has *always* used my children as weapons in her war against me. It's disgusting. I have never done that to her.
They are both mostly grown now, so there aren't going to be any court battles. I'm sure I'd lose anyway. It's a no-winner. My role is pay bills and put up with it.
It is devastating what is going on and even more devastating not to be able to do anything about it, for the sake of our children’s lives but that to of our own. I have been going thro my own battle with my x husband and 3 children for over 4 years with the same response of police, barristers, solicitors and the likes of, saying the same thing “just live with it”. A parent is meant to protect their children from harm and emotional abuse is horrible. And is horrific when it is directed at the bonds between parent and child as there is nothing more special in this world then the miracles we created and would do anything for to protect. That’s why I don’t understand how or why a parent could do this to there own child just to be vengeful to an x! The courts are an absolute joke they offer no help and I have exhausted all my avenues also. I’ve wrote to the Law society, my local member fought in and out of court in mediations and the list goes on and on and on... My x crashed the car on prepose with our 3 children in it (the children reported to me), the family court report righter (David Berry) wrote “mum doesn’t even no how fast he was going” and washed it under the table. The father dodged many drug test and was court out on the last one which was the week before trial, which showed a positive result. But all the “Independent Children’s Lawyer” had to say about that was “that’s ok that doesn’t stop him from being a good father and who’s to say he dose it wile the children are in his care”… ARE YOU KIDDING! And people wounder how it can come to a 4yr old girl being thrown of that bridge down south being killed by her own father… they don’t listen and I’m out of option. My 12yr old twin boys no longer want to live with me they now completely disrespect my and think I don’t care about them or love them at all, even tho I respectively tell them all the time every chance I get!.. Emotional abuse is very strong and convincing over a child’s mind but that to of and adult so what chance do we have??. The courts are no help! so all I can say is don’t ever stop trying to keep in contact and reassuring the child at every moment you get the chance. And never stop looking for a solution which is why I respond to you, we do need to join forces and find a way to put a stop to this huge flaw in our legal system and keep our children safely raised in a happy and healthy home. If any one has a suggestion please speak up and lets join forces.
my mother and father divorced when i was two. since then there have been custody battles between the two. i know my mother loves me and i love her.. however for my father, custody battles were more of a game to win... a game to hurt my mother. After countless losses or my dad throwing in the towl saying “nevermind i work too much”, i saw my dad everyother weekend. he would pick me up on friday at four and have me home by sunday at five. when i was younger i would cry bc i had to leave... as i got older he became more emotionally abusive. i fell asleep with a juice box in my hand when i was i’d say eight and my father whipped me and threw my matress outside he clled me several names and to be honest it might have been the day i started not wanting to be around him but at the same time wanting his approval. wanting to feel loved.
About six years ago give or take.... My dad met this girl named uh kelly. At firswt things seemed cool she had a one year old daughter and an eight year old we’ll call them hanna and bella. Apparently she was married not yet divorced to someone in jail. i was always told what a horrible person this guy ..ted was. bella heard it too. ted is a bad guy bella. he is a dead beat. he doesnt pay child support. well ted got out of jail, met another girl katie and they got married and had two children... then it was he loves his new kids more bella he got them more for christmas bella. look bella mommy got a 500 dollar fur coat. this is both my dad and her mom telling her things like this... not exactly that but you get the idea.. anyways... bella became my bestfriend... she is 14 i am 19 but sh is the coolest 14 year old i know and i have never loved anyone more.
last winter, my mother and i were not getting along in any way.... we had one big fight and i moved in with a friend. i told my dad a week later what happened and all i heard was move in with me please its all i ever wanted... (i just came across this site, so if this is hard to read i appologize. i amm in a bit of a hurry but i felt the need to do this now... im not sure what can come out of it but i know absolutely nothing about any of this) so anyways after three months of living with my friend i move in with my dad .... and then hell started... everyday it was clean both the bathrooms clean the floors do the dishes clean the counters do your homework go to bed. wake up early cook breakfast get hanna ready for pre k while dad takes kelly breakfast in bed. i was failing my sr year so from 7am to 8 am i was at school trying o get all my credits. when i found out id made it that i was actually going to graduate i was releived... ive always had chores but what they had bella and i doing was ridiculous and overboard. bathrooms do not need cleaned every day. on sundays we had to wash the cars inside and out. if there was dirt we had to do it ALL over again. he would throw fits and break stuff tell me i was just like my mother and call me a bitch... it was hell when he was home and i had begun wishing he would die. he made everyone liserable and on top of it all there was speculation of drugs between him and kelly which i can comfotabbly bet my life and live that they were. nobody takes two hour long craps everyday... not even my father. and our basement has stunck of pot on several occations. once i brought it up and i was told that one of dad’s friends was doing it... yea that makes sense..... NOT.
one day my dad was saying (after two months) that he couldnt stand me anymore that kelly didnt like me and instead they were going to get me a cheap apartment and have me put on food stamps... i had just turned 18 at this point and i was thinking HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE ON MY OWN???? he yelled and called me names and made me feel like shit the whole way to school and finally it all came out i yelled I HATE YOU and then... I got punched ion the mouth.... he said if you slam that door ill drag your ass back in here and beat you harded. before i shut he door i said.. if you ever touch me agian it will be the last thing you ever do. that day kelly came in to talk with my school advisor... why i dont know... she had a nice made up story and when she left i had said i hated her too. and i meant it i still do. that night after more fighting and more words my dad made me go to my moms to get my school books and there i took advantage of it i told my mom i was sorry for the way i had acted and for leaving that i had just been so tired of not being able to a part of a group or be around anyone of always being home. my dad threatened me to get back in the car and i told him to go to hell. that night i got a restraining order, my house egged, and the next day two police officers had to esscort me into my fathers to get my stuff.. my room was trashed as were most of my belongings and most of them i couldnt get. i had to drag my clothes out in two trash bags and watch as he tiradded them pulling stuff out calling me a theif saying that i stole and that all of this was kellys it was then at that momment that i decided that i would never care about his welbeing if he died then so be it i wouldnt be at the funeral. i hope when he does die that he is a lonely man. esp after today.
i just found out about an hour ago that he raised his hand at my sister bella and though she isnt actuallly my sister i still refer to her as that. the oven wasnt cleaned before it was turned on. she said that she didnt turn it on and he called her a f$%^*$% liar and raised his hand to hit her. she flinched and he said that he would knock her head off if she ever talked back to him again. she called her father while locked in a bathroom while my father proceeded to throw her things out into the driveway. she had told him she wanted to live with her dad because she was tired of it so he said get out.
Quite a few women in this country have become evil with the help of the government. They think nothing of destroying their child in order to destroy their ex. They can only do this because they are backed by the government, so ladies, pray the government never disintegrates. I know this probably doesn’t apply to the women of FreeRepublic, but you all know women who are like this. The end of the US is coming, and with it the beginning of the Dark Ages II. Read up on the original Dark ages, women did not fare well during that time. They have taken men’s generosity and stabbed them in the back with it.
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