Vanity: My Letter to Alabama Attorney General Pryor

Self | 11/11/2003 | Self

[farmer18th]

Dear Mr. Pryor:

Your actions with respect to Judge Moore confuse me.

Is "Thou Shalt Not Steal" offensive to you? (I'm glad I don't own property in Alabama)

Is "Thou Shalt Not Murder" problematic for you? (I'm glad I don't live in Alabama)

Is "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" hurtful to you? (I'm glad you don't know my wife.)

Is "Thou Shalt not Bear False Witness" repugnant to you? (I'm glad I never had to seek justice in your state.)

Is "Thou Shalt Have no Other Gods Before Me" distasteful to you? (What with lightning bolts and all, I'm glad I dont worship next to you.)

We are a nation of laws, Mr. Pryor, and not of men. I'm just confused as to which laws you follow.

[EternalVigilance]

It would be better, if I were, to be a paid shill for conservatism than to be what you are: a hairsplitting, legalistic, judgmental proponent for the agenda of the Left.

[EternalVigilance]

I'll leave the preaching to the preachers. Unlike you, who wants to place it in the hands of the politicians.

Not that you ever listen to any of them.

[lugsoul]

See? There you go again. You go on and on about what I supposedly don't know, then you make some silly charge about my faith and my religious practices that you derive, apparently, solely from the fact that I don't agree with Roy Moore or his band of fearmongers. You really need to take another look at that "bearing false witness" thing.

I listen to preachers all the time. In fact, given my interfaith family situation, I listen to preachers from various strains of the Christian faith.

And, from time to time, I like to throw some beats and listen to some fine rap:

Poison gas

Botulism

Atom bombs

Despotism

[EternalVigilance]

Maybe that's why you still pick up phones over at Dr. Keyes' place

By the way, thanks for solving the mystery. We've been wondering who the weirdo is who keeps calling and hanging up.

[lugsoul]

Perhaps I misread your last post. If you meant the politicians, you'd be correct. Of course, I guess you listen to them all the time, given your line of work and all.

[EternalVigilance]

I listen to preachers from various strains of the Christian faith.

Yeah, right. There's some real interesting strains out there.

[lugsoul]

Don't know who your weirdo is, but I've never called you. You think I'd know your voice if I did?

Nah - if I called you, I'd say "Hey, Tom - love the poetry."

[EternalVigilance]

So, who tells you that I answer the phone at times for one of Dr. Keyes' organizations?

[lugsoul]

You mean like your boss' strain, the Catholic Church? That's the one I've been in most frequently of late. But I've also spent a little time in that rogue splinter group, the Southern Baptist Church - ol' Roy knows a little bit about that one. And a fair amount in the Cumberland Presbyterian Church.

You really ought to be a little more careful about trying to slam someone's religious beliefs. It is unseemly, and, furthermore, it appears to show you for what you truly are.

[EternalVigilance]

Ah, you can't discern humor.

[lugsoul]

Torture, chains

Electric prods

Self assured

Cruel demigod

[lugsoul]

"Yeah, right. There's some real interesting strains out there."

Guess you are right. How I possibly missed the intended humor of that remark is beyond me.

[EternalVigilance]

Wow. Sounds edifying.

[lugsoul]

Was your statement that I don't spend time listening to preaching also intended humor? Sorry, if it was I missed that one, too.

[lugsoul]

Yeah? You have that high an opinion of your own work? Oh, silly me - OF COURSE you do!

[lugsoul]

Defy him

He’ll pluck your eyes

Rape your wife

Until she dies

[EternalVigilance]

So why don't you answer my question about where you get such personal info about me?

[lugsoul]

Personal info? Damn, man - I thought it was YOU who was posting about my religious practices and and my alleged lack of faith and all that. Everything I've said to you is available to the public at large.

[lugsoul]

You do? And you haven't spoken to him for 18 months? Golly gee - you must've made him really mad.

[Poohbah]

but it's ludicrous to get after Pryor for not following the law.

The Nuremburg defense.

Comparing this to real war crimes--genocide, rapine and wanton destruction, et cetera--is the "invoking Hitler over trivial stuff defense."

I hereby invoke the First Rule of the Internet: the first guy to scream "NAZI!" loses the argument.