"I Have a Really, Really Sad Story to Tell"
By "JohnHuang2"
Posted on 11/08/2003 11:50:26 AM PST by Bob J
"I Have a Really, Really Sad Story to Tell"
By "JohnHuang2"
The Recession, which served for 10 memorable quarters as larger-than-life folk hero for millions of Democrats, died Thursday due to complications from low interest rates and chronic tax cuts. Well, actually (if you want to get technical about it) it really died back in July, the beginning of the Third Quarter, but news of its tragic demise was withheld pending notification of next of kin, Tom Daschle, Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennings and Dan Rather. The Commerce Department made the harrowing news official Thursday, announcing the economy grew a blistering 7.2 percent rate during the Third Quarter.
The sickly Recession reportedly passed away peacefully at home, DNC headquarters in Washington. The Recession was 10 quarters old.
Following the 2001 Bush tax cuts, which adoring Recession fans -- Big Media and Democrats -- pooh-poohed as benefiting too few to pose a threat, the legendary Recession was hit by a heartbreaking series of health-related setbacks. Struggling courageously against forces far greater than itself, the limping Recession had been diagnosed with RepublicanTaxCutsAreKillingMe! syndrome, an all too common condition recessions eventually fall victim to under presidential supply-siders. With the economy rebounding, the Recession's condition got progressively worse, especially after the infamous second round of Bush tax cuts callously enacted the following year. So sad. Fed chairman Alan Greenspan, indifferent to it's plight, made matters worse for the Recession, slashing key interest rates mercilessly -- then keeping them at 45-year lows.
Democrats, initially in denial, were stunned and bewildered. For some, it's hard to believe the Recession is dead. Oh, sure, there were worrisome bouts of economic recovery, but C'mon! Nobody thought it would come to this. No one thought the gathering storm clouds could augur doom for such a young Recession. Indeed, at one point, hope was the Recession would gather such momentum as to trigger all-out Deflation. Instead, it was the Recession shrinking, quarter after quarter. All Democrat efforts to roll back the threatening recovery, to give the ailing Recession a fighting chance, failed. So sad. (Although I wonder why Democrats aren't calling for passage of a Recessions With Disabilities Act.)
With tears in their eyes, Democrats fondly recount watching the Recession every night on TV. Even nightly reruns, especially on CBS's "Evening News With Dan Rather," were loads of fun to watch. New nightly episodes on ABC's "World News Tonight" and NBC's "Nightly News With Tom Brokaw" were also fun. My only complaint was their penchant for silent, grainy, black-and-white film in this modern age. You could hardly make out the long lines outside some soup kitchen in Chicago, supposedly sponsored by Al Capone. Very poor quality video. (To see, Click here)
Some Democrats think the Recession's death was timed by Bush and Co. with an eye to next year's election. How could such a once promising Recession just croak overnight? This stinks! Sure the Recession was ailing, but why die now? Isn't it obvious that Bush planned the whole thing for political purposes? With elections less than 13 months away, millions of Recession-bashing shoppers, empowered by tax cuts, hit every mall and shopping-center they could find, buying up everything in sight, to kill the Recession and make Bush look good. Scrambling, consumers bought clothes, homes, home appliances, cars, furniture, stereos, DVDs -- all to make Bush look good and hurt Howard Dean's chances. (The pace of consumer spending jumped by 6.6 percent in the Third Quarter, bushwhacking the Recession). Businesses did the same -- going hog-crazy investing, grabbing every piece of capital equipment they could grab, all to make Bush look good. (The pace of business investment soared by 15.4 percent in the same quarter).
Companies have also started hiring/slowed the pace of layoffs -- initial jobless claims last week dropped another 5,000 to 386,000 -- in a bid to cut the jobless rate and make Bush look good. Companies are also increasing wages and benefits -- all to make Bush look good. It's a Vast, Right-Wing Conspiracy! In other words, Lefties misunderestimated just how lethal tax cuts can be to their beloved Recessions. (I can hear the slogans already: Hey hey! How many Recessions have you killed today?!?!) Till now, Dems thought tax cuts were not economic policy as much as crooked kickback schemes for GOP campaign contributors. Aimed at wealthy Halliburton executives, for example. So few would 'benefit,' tax cuts could never lay a glove on Recessions.
Terrible miscalculation, it turns out. Democrats have egg on their face yet again, their cherished Recession lays in an open grave, as Bush keeps doing circles around them. All the while Democrat frustration mounts. Which reminds me. Democrats point to suicide bombings in Baghdad as evidence the terrorists -- who are not terrorists, say Lefties, but 'brave guerrillas' -- are making very good progress in Iraq. The bad guys -- not the good guys -- are winning, rest assured. Blowing up relief workers, pregnant women, and innocent bystanders are not really acts of desperation, but displays of supreme optimism -- and confidence. The more reckless they act, the less irrational they are. The more mindless the violence, the more rational and thoughtful those commiting the violence. In other words, the more desperate they act, the less desperate they are. But they're not really desperate -- they only look that way ... really! Don't let Bush fool you. So, when Democrats say Bush's a blithering idiot and an evil mastermind; that Bush is happy talking people and terrorizing people with unhappy talk of "imminent threats"; that Bush is doing too little about homeland security and Bush is going overboard with homeland security through the Patriot Act; that Bush is a reckless warmonger who shuns coalition-building (Iraq) and Bush is too slow to move and too worried about coalition-building (North Korea) -- that all these inconsistencies aren't innconsistencies at all, but actually signs of Democrat confidence. So, given all these non-inconsistencies, and given Democrats blame Bush for everything from California wildfires (to divert attention from violence in Iraq) to violence in Iraq (to divert attention from California wildfires), it's only natural that Bush will be blamed for killing the Recession with tax cuts, no? Just you wait and see!
Anyway, that's... My two cents... "JohnHuang2"
FMCDH(Still LMAOROTF!)
A picture from the wake.
A home run, touche' down pass, a bullseye shot and a pin the tail on the donkey's a$$ all rolled into one beautiful vast right wing hit piece.
ROFLMAO
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