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SOLAR FLARE BRIEFLY KNOCKS OUT STING’S EGO
Borowitz ^
| Borowitz
Posted on 10/30/2003 7:47:55 AM PST by Sir Gawain
SOLAR FLARE BRIEFLY KNOCKS OUT STINGS EGO
Impact on Singer Expected to be Temporary, Scientists Say
A gigantic solar flare slammed into the Earth's magnetic field on Wednesday morning, briefly knocking out the ego of singer/actor Sting, scientists said.
The performer was promoting his new book, a memoir entitled Broken Music, on the television program Live With Regis and Kelly, when the solar flare slammed into the Earths magnetic field.
Sting had begun telling the programs co-hosts about how his life-long love affair with music began when he suddenly stopped, mid-sentence.
Oh, who the bloody hell cares? Sting said, the audience gasping as he tossed his book aside in apparent disgust.
It was only hours later that scientists determined that the former Police front-mans loss of ego, believed to be temporary in nature, had been caused by the solar flare, surprising many experts.
We had thought that the solar flare would have an effect on satellite and cellular phone transmissions, said Dr. Kenneth Reid, a solar flare expert at the University of Minnesotas Clausen Observatory. We had no idea that it was powerful enough to knock out Stings ego.
Elsewhere, associates of the pop singer and MTV star Jessica Simpson said that the solar flare might have caused Ms. Simpsons brain to function temporarily.
Moments after the flare hit the Earths magnetic field, Ms. Simpson was observed correctly identifying canned tuna and brushing her teeth without assistance.
Ms. Simpsons behavior was an aberration, Dr. Reid said, and she was expected to be back to bumping into doors and walls within hours.
TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
To: Billthedrill; Cyber Liberty; dead; Victoria Delsoul; Fiddlstix; Focault's Pendulum; glock rocks; ...
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2
posted on
10/30/2003 7:48:21 AM PST
by
Sir Gawain
(The Crusades never ended. Too bad only one side realizes that.)
To: Sir Gawain
Who's eggo?
3
posted on
10/30/2003 7:50:01 AM PST
by
tallhappy
To: Sir Gawain
ROFLMAO.
To: Sir Gawain
The good Lord blessed her with looks, but I've met smarter sheep.
5
posted on
10/30/2003 8:00:20 AM PST
by
Hodar
(With Rights, comes Responsibilities. Don't assume one, without assuming the other.)
To: Hodar
The good Lord blessed her with looks, but I've met smarter sheep. That could be interpreted rather badly....
6
posted on
10/30/2003 8:06:04 AM PST
by
r9etb
To: Sir Gawain
Love what
Rod Stewart said about Sting:
"The sun shines out of his arse, a pure jazz musician, Mr Serious who helps the Indians."
7
posted on
10/30/2003 8:12:26 AM PST
by
billorites
(freepo ergo sum)
To: Sir Gawain
Classic!
To: Sir Gawain
Oh, come on, it was a big flare, but it wasn't that big a flare. A direct asteroid strike wouldn't dent that ego.
To: Hodar
I'm a fan of neither but it seems to me that that pic right there shows she makes little Ms. Spears look like nothin in both bod and face!
To: Sir Gawain
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
To: Beelzebubba
Theres a fossil thats trapped in a high cliff wall
Theres a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
Theres a blue whale beached by a springtimes ebb
Theres a butterfly trapped in a spiders web
.......
Great song. The Police were great, but I dont think Sting's done much in the last 20 years.
To: Sir Gawain
Now, THIS is funny. ;o)
13
posted on
10/30/2003 8:41:35 AM PST
by
dixiechick2000
(What can you say about Liberals that hasn't already been said about hemorrhoids?)
To: r9etb; Hodar
No kidding. lol
14
posted on
10/30/2003 8:45:47 AM PST
by
dixiechick2000
(What can you say about Liberals that hasn't already been said about hemorrhoids?)
To: Sir Gawain
LOL!
15
posted on
10/30/2003 8:01:21 PM PST
by
Victoria Delsoul
(I love the smell of winning, the taste of victory, and the joy of each glorious triumph)
To: Sir Gawain
Best laugh of the day bump.
Cheers,
knews hound
16
posted on
10/30/2003 8:03:56 PM PST
by
knews_hound
(Out of the NIC ,into the Router, out to the Cloud....Nothing but 'Net)
To: Hodar
I'll supply the brains, honey, you bring the looks!
17
posted on
10/30/2003 8:06:40 PM PST
by
JoeSchem
(I'm just leaving myself wide open here, aren't I?)
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