No Mystery Left (Pornography cripples relationship-building skills)

abc ^ | 10-28-03

[wheelgunguru]

Is the Easy Availability of Online Porn Leaving Kids Too Sex-Savvy?

Oct. 28 — A college student at Duke University clearly remembers how he crept into his parents' bedroom as a boy to find a cache of pornographic magazines that his parents had hidden away.

"My little friend was over at my house, and my parents were gone, and we decided we were going to look for pornography," the male student, who chose to remain anonymous, told 20/20's Lynn Sherr in 1993. His friend suggested that the porn could be hidden in the same place his parents hid his birthday presents — his mom's closet.

"And so we went in there, and there was this big box up on the shelf. And we opened it up and there were like tens and tens and tens of Playboys and Penthouses and things and, you know, it's just like porn bonanza," he said.

A decade later, young boys don't have to sneak around looking for porn. The hard-core images known as "adult entertainment" are everywhere. Go online and you'll easily find it on the Web, or in your e-mail in-box, regardless of your age or gender. Porn finds you at home, at work, even at the library — usually through uninvited spam.

But experts are concerned that boys who access pornography early on are spoiling their future sex lives. Exposure to porn can make young men less inhibited sexually, because they've seen it all, said Laura Berman, a sex therapist and the director of the Berman Center in Chicago.

"But it can also make them more inhibited, because they've never been involved with a real, live person, who has needs and feelings, and limits," said Laura Berman. "An Internet woman never says no, so she's easier to deal with than a real woman."

Porno Pop-Ups at Age 10

The sexual images on the Internet have a definite impact on young boys, who are now getting pornography pop-ups on their screen, Berman said.

"You become de-sensitized," Laura Berman said. "After looking at hours of Internet porn, sex is no longer exciting, or titillating. For these young men, who grow up watching these images and seeing them as ideal, they are disappointed by real women and real experiences."

[razorback-bert]

they are disappointed by real women and real experiences

Not me, never!

[Always Right]

"You become de-sensitized," Laura Berman said. "After looking at hours of Internet porn, sex is no longer exciting, or titillating. For these young men, who grow up watching these images and seeing them as ideal, they are disappointed by real women and real experiences."

It also exposes people to more 'diverse' sexuality. There will be more people doing gay sex, more child-molesters, more beastiality, more fetishes, etc. Of course they were 'born' that way.

[Publius]

After looking at hours of Internet porn, sex is no longer exciting, or titillating.

Interesting choice of words.

[Izzy Dunne]

There's probably som valid points here, but I am always suspicious when a TV (or magazine) news outfit does a story about "Internet porn".
It's in their interest to paint the Internet (their competition) as a place where there's nothing but porn, bomb-making plans, and bad medical advice.
If grandma is afraid of the Big, Bad Internet ©, then she's more likely to be glued to the tube.

[glorgau]

And 10 thousand years ago, kids didn't see adults having sex?

[egarvue]

And 10 thousand years ago, kids didn't see adults having sex?

Actually, that's a good question...just how did those families get so big in those one-room log cabins just a century ago without the kids knowing what was going on?

[Queen Jadis]

iIt also exposes people to more 'diverse' sexuality. There will be more people doing gay sex, more child-molesters, more beastiality, more fetishes, etc. Of course they were 'born' that way. /i

I agree with you. I was a teenager and young adult in the eighties. What was considered "hip and cool" going to an avante guard dance club in downtown Los Angeles would now be going to a sex fetish club in Hollywood, that's what the young kids do now. Remember when all the movie stars in Hollywood started making it hip to go to strip clubs about 10 years ago? Porn stars like Jenna Jameson are now role models for young women, instead of being considered contemptable. It's sad, there are not one but THREE gentlemen's clubs down the street from where I live. 10- 15 years ago there were none.

[Queen Jadis]

and your point is?

[amadeus]

I have to agree with the article

Using my parents and young people today as I see them as an example, I have to agree with the article. I grew up around parents that were so modest that a little neck kiss in the kitchen while preparing a meal together produced all sorts of giggles and obvious titillation. Now young women flash their b&b at a club in front of strangers and men expect their women to perform like the porn stars they worship. If I had it to do over again, I have to admit, I would prefer to have been "inexperienced" when I got married.

[N3WBI3]

Those were real people to the kids, ones that not only had an emotional connection and investment with eachother but also with the kid who imght have seen them. The problem with pornography is that it only satisifies a want in an unrealistic manner for a short period of time. It just as cheap as a one night stand (not that I have ever partaken in such an event) and without the connection before or after the act..

[Aquinasfan]

My childhood buddy goes to Hooters regularly and is waiting for his ideal (extremely unrealistic) woman. He's in his early forties and still hasn't grown up. Internet porn is only going to create more of these perpetual teenagers and strain more marriages. Sad.

[glorgau]

My point is that kids seeing sex is nothing new. This issue is mostly a non-issue.

[Queen Jadis]

Exactly, they were not exactly engaging in "role play" or using sex aids 10,000 years ago.

[Queen Jadis]

It's the "KIND" of sex that is pornography these days.

[Atlas Sneezed]

Exactly, they were not exactly engaging in "role play" or using sex aids 10,000 years ago.

---

No, they were just having sex immediately upon puberty and reproducing.

[dandelion]

I can answer that :D

When I was young, we had a one-room cabin in the Idaho woods, during the summers. My father worked with the forest service, so it was all we could afford.

I'll never forget the way my mother got me up at the crack of dawn, worked us all day, and sent us out to do scavenger hunts in the woods just at the same time my father would come home. She always said he was so tired after working the firelines/roads/latest project/whatever that he needed to take a nap right away, and he wanted to talk to her privately before hand.

We'd go on the scavenger hunt (following notes written by my mother) and we always made sure to follow the instructions - we had to whoop loudly as soon as we found all the items, and then we had to follow the secret, winding path back home to win our prize (usually candy).

Sure enough, Mamma and Daddy would be all smiley and happy and refreshed by the time we got back to the cabin, usually 45 minutes later.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I figured out what was really happening. Happy kids, happy adults, happy family!

A one - room cabin can still be home to modesty and a loving relationship - you just have to be CREATIVE!!

[Moleman]

My childhood buddy goes to Hooters regularly and is waiting for his ideal (extremely unrealistic) woman. He's in his early forties and still hasn't grown up.
Just a guess, does your buddy drive a TransAm?
Tell him I like the HOOters girls too :-)