Think Before You Speak (Cathryn Crawford)

Washington Dispatch ^ | October 24, 2003 | Cathryn Crawford

[fml]

--This is brainwashing in academia, hands down. What really bothers me is so many men here can read about this and it doesn't really bother them - best to make a few jokes.--

While I can agree with the first part of the thought, what bothers me more is men trying to make rape somehow a crime against them. No matter how many stats you want to try to put forth the amount of women falsely crying rape in no way comes close to the actual brutal and demeaning acts committed against woman.

[mountaineer]

How very disingenuous of you.

[Qwinn]

"what bothers me more is men trying to make rape somehow a crime against them"

An actual rape is a horrific crime against women. A false accusation of rape is a horrific crime against men. They are two totally different issues.

Of course rape is absolutely horrific. But what you're missing is that if a woman is raped, she'll have the entire force of government and society on her side to shelter her and bring her justice. If a man is falsely accused of rape, the entire force of government and society will come down -against him-, and he has not one single legal remedy. Even if it's proven that she maliciously lied, he cannot sue her, he cannot get back the money he spent defending himself, his reputation is destroyed, if he's married his wife has probably left him by this stage, he's probably been fired, and he'll live the rest of his life with feminists claiming that his acquittal was just the product of the male-dominated society letting men go free.

I've seen what happens to men falsely accused of rape. You say rape is far more horrific - and if you're talking about sheer numbers, you're probably correct. But if you're talking about the amount of devastation it wreaks on an individual, I'm not so sure about that. There are many women who claim that the indignity they had to suffer while answering testimony in court was worse than the rape itself, and they're the ones pressing the charges. By those women's testimony, being prosecuted and grilled in public for false and unfair charges is in fact worse than rape.

I'd point out what men have said of the total destruction that our one-sided laws have brought upon them, but I know that what men say won't bring any sympathy, so I have to phrase it in terms of what women say.

Qwinn

[Pukin Dog]

If that was more than just an opinion, I would suggest you stop whining. but it's not, so I wont.

[mountaineer]

??? Clean up on aisle 4!

[Wright is right!]

"I knew one that was into that. She had a special word she would use if she really meant stop. Otherwise anything was OK. She made all that clear up front. It was weird, I didn't much like it."

I did enjoy it in this one particular case, but it would definitely get old after a while. I enjoy being wanted unconditionally too much.

Michael

[Slings and Arrows]

I'm confused here. Does that make Alan Alda, Tom Daschle, & Phil Donahue predators, or not men?

Yes.

[Scenic Sounds]

I'd point out what men have said of the total destruction that our one-sided laws have brought upon them,

I've been asked many times about what men can do to try to protect themselves in this crazy environment. In order to help them, I've devised a series of steps that each young man should commit to memory:

Step 1 - Marry her first! I'm indebted to Dr. Laura for this one - just refuse to have sex with women before marriage. Many of the most aggressive women will be deterred if you just let them know of this rule right up front.

Step 2 - Only date women who are trustworthy! By now, you should be able to separate the women you can trust from those you can't. Don't be a slut. Don't date untrustworthy women.

Step 3 - Deuteronomy readings! Most of you probably carry a Bible with you or at least keep one in a convenient place. If you have perhaps misjudged a woman (notwithstanding your strictest efforts to comply with Step 2) and she becomes sexually aggressive on a date, ask her to read aloud to you from pertinent portions of the Bible. (Hint: Deuteronomy has some great stuff!) I assure you, this request alone will deter all but a few of the females who are most difficult to control. And, if that doesn't work, go to

Step 4 - Insist on videotaping your sex! This is the Rubicon, guys - not many women will cross this line! You just tell the young lady that you will not engage in any sexual activities that aren't fully videotaped for your protection.

I can hear some of you now. What, you ask, should you do if you happen to find yourself involved with a woman who insists on having sex with you while reading passages from Deuteronomy and being videotaped? That's the beauty of this program, guys - you just go right back to Step 1 and marry the girl.

She's what you've been looking for all along!

[gcruse]

Marital rape, or rape of an intimate partner, is not uncommon in relationships; in fact 1 in 7 women will be sexually assaulted by her husband. Sexual contact gained through force, coercion, manipulation or fear of harm is rape, a tool to control and overpower another person. This type of control is often found with other violent and abusive behaviors. In relationships with domestic violence, for example, it is estimated that rape occurs in as many as 70% of these relationships.

Just skip the whole thing.  Go find so woman you can't stand and buy her a house.

[Scenic Sounds]

Just skip the whole thing. Go find so woman you can't stand and buy her a house.

ROFL. That's the secret shortcut, Gary! How did you find out about that? ;-)

[gcruse]

In hindsight, SS, in hindsight. LO(sob)L!!!

[Paulus Invictus]

What mag does Kobe read? That might just convict him if it's one of the forbidden mags.

[teeman8r]

ROTFLWAO... rolling on the floor laughing whom's ass off?

teeman

[hocndoc]

Another "Brava!"
Thanks for the ping Scenic Sounds.
And thank you, Cathryn, for thinking.

Rape, like other intimate partner abuse, is all about power and control of another.

[hocndoc]

Lust may be a factor in some rapes, but power is a bigger stimulus. Perhaps you are confusing a lust for power with sexual arousal and desire.

Many rapists are unable to function sexually during the rape. Some rapists choose their victims by opportunity rather than any physical characteristic. The same rapist may attack women of different ages, simply because he can.

[Question_Assumptions]

Lust may be a factor in some rapes, but power is a bigger stimulus. Perhaps you are confusing a lust for power with sexual arousal and desire.

No. I'm saying that rapists can confuse lust for power with sexual arousal. People seem to have no problem grasping that people who are not rapists can have fetishes such as feet, leather, and even being bound yet seem unwilling to consider that people who are rapists may have a more malevolent fetish. If it is possible to imagine someone being turned on by being dominated, why it isn't it possible to imagine someone being turned on by dominating. And if it is possible to imagine someone being turned on by dominating in a consentual relationship, why is it impossible to imagine someone being turned on be dominating in a non-consentual situation? S&M is a two-sided coin and the "S" side of the coin doesn't need the mirror "M" if consent is not an issue.

Many rapists are unable to function sexually during the rape.

I'd like to see evidence of that. Post rape exams looking for semen and forced vaginal entry would seem kinda pointless if the rapist were not aroused and not ejaculating. Are you telling me that most post-rape exams turn up empty or are pointless? Some rapists choose their victims by opportunity rather than any physical characteristic. The same rapist may attack women of different ages, simply because he can.

I'm sure there are some rapists for whom the act is entirely violent and not sexual in any traditional sense. I simply doubt that such rapes are the norm. I find it difficult to imagine a man becomming erect enough to force his way into an unwilling and unaroused woman if there was not some sexual arousal involved. Men do not walk around with erections 7X24. Not without Viagra, anyway. And while some men may use objects to rape, I get the impression that it out of frustration or necessity more than choice.

[Oschisms]

Was "Deuteronomy" her secret word?

[hocndoc]

You use words such as "dominating," "frustration," and "necessity."

These are evidence that the act of rape is not for sexual gratification, but for the purpose of power, to relieve frustration and anger.

There is often no ejaculation, and no evidence of such at the Sexual Assault Forensic Exam. (I've done those exams and talked with women who were raped.) There's lots of information available on the internet.

Rapists do not act out of arousal or lust for sexual gratification with the same regularity that theives steal for valuable property. They're more like vandals who break in and destroy property.

[Endeavor]

Now that's funny. Perhaps you should take up writing. It appears to be an easy career in which to attain "success."

[WOSG]

gcruse, I just responded to you on another thread, and then I read you here... are you stalking me? or am I stalking you by replying? :-)